Sometimes its what we DON'T do that matters.

Someone mentioned to me yesterday that it might not be such a good idea to call a person an idiot....even if that person was. The truth is I can't remember the last time I said something behind someone's back that I haven't said directly to their face. Sometimes I can be so mean.... so sarcastic... self righteous.... overbearing.... egocentric..... and a whole host of not so stellar personality traits... I'm trying to get better. Usually I am....but sometimes and a lot lately I'm not nearly as nice as I aspire to be.

Today I didn't call anyone an idiot....in front or behind them. It may not sound like much.... but its progress.

I guess its born from frustration. I've been going through a lot recently and not in a good mood to start with. I tend to expect too much from myself and from others. I expect everyone to be as single minded as I am on any given task. The truth is I am the weird one. I could state my case differently instead of saying... *he's an idiot* as if that person doesn't matter. Everyone matters. So I am trying to be nicer and while it is part of my job to find problems and correct them and inform my GM if someone makes continual mistakes or errors be it in judgment or in work... It is not my place to go around insulting people as if I, alone, am perfect.

Time to jump off the high horse and walk around a bit.

This and That

I had a new commenter on my blog, like always I checked out her web site.... Miss Alaineus alemanac. Its some hilarious ranting!!! Check it out. I loved her profile too.

I like this new follower thing on blogger. Maybe it isn't new to y'all but I've been MIA for a while so I am just getting started on it. So now I am going to go blog to blog and start adding everyone that way and maybe do away with that sidebar list eventually, especially since aol is giving up the ship.

I've remained appalled all weekend about the deficit. I think I have another editorial coming.

ND lost. I hate when they lose. Its not that I am such a big football follower or fan. I like it, but its not my life. What no one realizes is that when a city like South Bend, is built completely around a College like Notre Dame.... one bad season (like last year's) affects our economy in a dangerous way. People lose jobs, they move or quit spending, then there are less dollars going out and more people lose jobs....etc. etc..... We depend way too much on Notre Dame football around here and the college as a whole. We need to become more like other cities. Develop something more than a tourist trade, like our neighboring city, Elkhart, did with RV manufacturing.

Yeah, I'm starting to become interested in our local political scene.

I think I might have to join some associations or something.

Everywhere I look I remember what it was like when I was growing up here. I remember walking the streets unafraid in the so called worst neighborhoods in the middle of the night.

I remember the school actually working with my parents to help keep me on track.

I don't remember any of the stupid rules they now have in effect to curb the individuality of young people.

I remember active parks and recreation.

I remember the library being a welcoming venue for children.

I remember policemen who knew my name.

Our city tax percentage was not nearly as high as it is now. County tax didnt' exist.

I want to know what happened. Why it happened and What we can do to make it go back to how it was.

One of these days I hope to have grandchildren raised here. I want them to live in my world....not the one that is scaring us all so much now.

Celia has a job. The pay is too low but the opportunities for advancement and more pay are there. I feel bad for young adults these days. When I was her age I was given multiple opportunities to advance within companies. (Mostly I blew them). If I said I could do something that was enough, I didn't need numerous degrees in nose blowing or carpet picking. I was given the chance to prove myself. In addition to Celia's high-school training, she worked with me in the office often. She was taught and did very well at all things administrative. She understands scheduling, purchasing, document preparation, etc. etc... Because of the state of our schools here, no one wants to hire public school graduates for anything where real skill is required. It seems unfair. Her parents could not afford private school so I supplimented her education with my own version of home-school. I brought her to work with me often. I even taught her how to build a computer from scratch. Unfortunately I cannot give her a certificate or degree. She's luckier than some though. She has a job that will finally allow her to prove herself and her abilities. Not all these young adults even get that. I worry a little for my daughter, but not much. Her employers are getting a steal. If they are smart they will realize her value pretty quickly.

I haven't talked with my oldest son this weekend yet. I hope to soon though. He's still a bit of a hermit but he does make time for me when I call him. He's a good son, just kind of a loner.

Walter's love life is a soap opera. I have my misgivings about this girl, though she seems nice enough...I just don't know. She's stirring up his emotions and I worry. I try to give him perspective on it every chance he gives me. I tell him gently that some people break up and never get back together but sometimes over doesn't mean over (my brother married the woman he started dating at 14 years old and they are still together, though high-school found them splitting up a time or two). I don't want him to be crushed if (when) this girl breaks it off. I want him to have some hope until some other girl can help him forget.

The BF has been here most of the weekend. He does my BBQs for me. The guy can sleep in the oddest spots. Last night he fell asleep in the lawn chair while slow grilling the pork shops outside. Cracks me up. I am never able to relax that much. Its impressive. He also programmed the universal remote for the television. I fail to understand why I can't figure out remotes. I can tear apart a regular computer, reload it and make it bionic but a remote control just pisses me off. I don't have that kind of patience.

My dog was brilliant but now she has been having attacks of stupidity. She seems to have forgotten all about being housebroken. I have to shampoo the carpet AGAIN. Not the whole thing but her fave areas. She still has fetch, sit pretty, go lay down and gimme a kiss down so at least she's still cute. I know I shouldn't complain, she is only 4 months old, well not quite, but still.....She's not real bad at chewing things. She mostly sticks to her toys so that is good. She has a toybox that would rival some two-year old babies though. The BF is going to flea treat my yard today. I have to give Dizzy another flea bath already (gave her one a week ago). We flea bombed the house so the things don't live long once she is inside but I can't keep her inside all the time and she gets them whenever we go outside. So here we go again.\

The BF says he likes salisbury steak. We were talking about favorite foods. BUT he has never had real salisbury steak. Only those frozen dinner types. He is in for a treat. I am making salsibury steak tonight. I make it really good too. If I could write a recipe I would give it to y'all. Basically though the trick is you make meatloaf...the kind where you use bread crumbs not the oatmeal or rice types and only use good grade hamburger, like 90% lean (I like to add finely chopped onions and sometimes green pepper, to mine as well). You make them into small hand sized loafs (about 1/4 each) and bake them at 350 for about a half hour or 45 minutes in a large sheet pan (with sides). Then you use the actual pan dripping grease (no this is not low cal....its southern) as your gravy base. You seriously brown (not golden....nope toast it) the flour in this grease in a large heavy skillet and use 1/2 heated milk and 1/2 hot water to liquify it. Use lots of pepper and for goodness sake...don't make it thin. This is hearty food for hearty men. Serve it with lumpy mashed potatoes (nope instant just won't do) and a dark green vegetable. I am also serving sauted portabellos. He's been working hard for me, he's earned those portabellos!

and that is my weekend in review.

My week in review.....ramblings....

I'm not writing as much as I intend to. Hopefully I will be able to get into a daily routine again soon.... You remember, like way back when AOL first opened the blogportals to people like me and many of you...(Rest in peace AOL Journals). Storms Whisper and Oceans Scream was the original title. I just got tired of screaming and made a somewhat gentler version here after all my bitching and moaning about the ads on aol made no difference at all. Sometimes ads have still made an appearance here and there on my site as I tried google adwords (and etc.) but I just wasn't that interested in making a profit on my writing or in writing about subjects that would stir up readership. I have always written to share my heart with others. I write for the love of it. From time to time I have a thought that slips out of my head, or a cause I want to push....but mostly it is about making the world, my world, into a bigger place in a smaller space. More love, more people, no travel.

I keep saying I'm going to quit being so personal....the whole problem is that writing is personal to me.

These are not essays, they are letters. My oversized ego thinks that if St. Paul could have reached out in this way we'd have a book in the bible called Blogosphere, placed ever so diplomatically between II Corinthians and Ephesians....... Full of encouragement in the face of phishing and dire warnings not to get involved in cyber-sex. (side bar into a small wondering....what would Paul have thought of the internet???????........)

Maybe I'm not Paul but I think in my own way, I feel, and I am sure most of you feel, the need to reach out to others nearly as greatly as he did. Maybe we don't have to introduce God into the lives of others....but I kind of think we are here for the purpose of showing that people are still good...at least most of us are. That is important today. In the news all we hear about is corruption, actions that defile humanity and selfish actions.... Here we all take the time to reach out and share ourselves and our normal lives.

So end of that ramble and onto the next one....my normal & sometimes odd life....

This week has kept me wakeful more often than not....averaging about 4 hours of sleep a night. Bringing work home, worrying about various deadlines. There are big changes about to happen where I work and some that already have. Restructuring, rebuilding. I am not worried about job security and feel that the upcoming changes will be good for me. Many of the job descriptions will change and so will our positions. I know that I am going to have some added and removed job responsibilities. I can't say much else in this public forum. I know some of the plan. While I am not happy about every detail, those are not my decisions to make. Overall I think that the hotel is once again going to be 1st choice in the area. Maybe we will even gain a star or two. No one noticed the management watching us, detailing our skills and natural abilities. We are going to fit our newly rewritten job descriptions better than I've ever had in any previous employment.

I remember when our GM first came into the picture. Nobody liked the removal of casual uniforms and appearance. Being told to straighten our posture!!!! Did she think she was our mother? (well more like my big sister, but I work with a lot of young people). Yes, she did. I took a front desk job so I could goof-off. When she came into the picture, she reread all our resumes and applications I guess. I was the first target. OMG. She knew me without knowing me and now I find myself in the back office *handling* stuff. Troubleshooting and organizing. Right now it is technically accounting....but my job reaches much much further and so do my future responsibilities (and my job title is ever-changing too). I still remember her telling me that OK, now I had taken a few months to goof off, it was time to get back to work...and she put me back to work. Several involuntary promotions in the past year later, I find myself trepidatiously looking forward to the next changes she intends to put into play and wondering if I can live up to her high opinion of my skills and intellect. I want to. My lacking education scares the bejesus out of me sometimes though. She hasn't made any major mistakes though and so far, I think she sometimes knows me better than I know me. Wish me luck!

I am still working on organizing (anal---izing) my life into some semblance of order and remembrance. So far every move in that direction seems to improve my quality of life. As a person with autistic tendencies, organization, rules and regulations matter tremendously to me, amazingly enough though, I am messy. It is a constant struggle. I'm getting in the habit again of cleaning like a crazy person at least one day on the weekend and keeping the mess limited throughout the week. Its helping. Things are slowly but surely getting organized. It feels good.

As far as my new BF goes....For those of you with questions.....I don't want to get too wrapped up in the romantic stuff being blasted to the world yet. He's a nicer guy than I sometimes deserve. He has a bad past that he is working hard to rectify. Like I can talk. He spends every weekend with me. He has 3 boys aged 16 to 24. I've been more successful with my kids than he was with his. I didn't have the interference of a new age parent though. The boys are good people though with some of their father's sweetness. My S.O. wishes that he had someone to back him up with the rules though...maybe his boys would have gone further then. Its not too late yet and his youngest is going to Chef School. Youngest should still be in high school, but at least he is doing something to better his chances at success in life. A good Chef can do pretty well too. Back to new BF. We are both alike and different. He is blown away when I think too many deep thoughts. He doesn't *get* computers really. He can use them, but he is a simple guy. To him a computer is like a blow dryer. You don't *play* on it. He doesn't know people he hasn't met. He doesn't quite *get* that either. He fixes stuff. He watches TV. He loves dogs and children. He rides his bike often. He reads voraciously. He is employed by the engineering department where I work. We have lunch together daily. Yes sometimes he takes directives from me, that's our jobs. He doesn't have an attitude about it. I don't single him out. Work is work, life is life. We don't let the two interfere with each other as much as possible. I met him since November. Liked him as a casual friend since December. I started dating him cautiously at the end of June. By July we were only dating each other. I am the first girl he's dated in 12 years, since his divorce. He still lives with his X though, so he can live with his sons and influence them too (xwife dates all the time....all casual...FWB type). I like her but we are night and day I think. Looks, lifestyle and personality. Its a somewhat strained relationship between them but you have to give the couple kudos for thinking of their children's best interests. I have no idea how they ever were together and he'd probably think the same thing about Walter's father. In all the good ways he reminds me a bit of Bo (Rich and Celia's father and my first and longest marriage)....only way way way smarter and classier. He tells a good joke but he isn't obscene. He's far from perfect. He likes tv way too much. Sometimes he is just *too* nice. He isn't the ambitious type at all. But then again....we all know what a pain in the ass I can be too. So lets all just wait and see. The BF isn't a secret but he isn't my whole life.....I'm not going to do that to any man or myself again. Its not fair to either of us. I will write about what is happening sometimes...but not all the time. If anything big happens or our status changes I will probably write about that too.....but for now, things are more than casual but we are still just dating exclusively.

Walter and his gf are going to a dance tonight. He is the grim reaper and she is the dead bride. He gave her an ankle bracelet last week. She wears it all the time. This is his first love. Probably not hers, but she seems nice from what I can see. I pray she doesn't break his heart. She is a beauty! She looks like she could be on a television soap opera as the diva's daughter.... Not that I don't think my son is worthy, but I understand the envious looks his friends are giving him. All I can think is that she is a pretty good person not to let the facts that Walter isn't as popular as she is, as cute as she can get, or rich affect her interest in him. She must like him for who he is and that gives me a certain amount of comfort. She seems to live under similar house rules too. I may not be displaced yet but I don't think I'm the apple of my son's eye any more....LOL

I probably won't write much this weekend....I have work work and housework to catch up on. I'm supposed to finish writing a story for the tribune about my sister's Cherokee Wedding too. I'm going to try and at least call my older children and catch up with them too. The weather here is beautiful....like Indian Summer. Most of all I want to take a little time to enjoy life this weekend with Walter and my S.O.....not to mention my silly dog.

Ya'll have happy days wherever you are....

Native American wedding photos

August 30th was a beautiful Summer Day. Much too hot for an outdoor wedding....but like the ancestors that I am sure witnessed us from Heaven....we endured.

All the costumes are authentic hand made costumes made mostly by my Mother, but my nephew Adam made his own costume as did the Chief and his wife. Cherokee women don't get to wear the sexy outfits that Apaches wore. Nope we are required to be FULLY covered and modest. Sucks big time.

We entered the blessed circle in the traditional clockwise manner were handed a small packet and took our seats. Families sit together. Singles sit separately. The smells of sage and tobacco permeated our senses but it was a lovely smell, not at all like cigarrettes because this was utreated tobacco. The tobacco was not for smoking at this point. It was for an offering. Sage is burned to bless the circle, much the same way that catholic priests and wiccans use it. The Cherokee way of faith seems very Catholic at times...with a touch of witchcraft. I realize that statement may offend some, I mean no disrespect, I am just trying to describe what I've lived with most of my life.

The wedding ceremony

Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for the other.

Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth to the other.

Now there is no more loneliness, for each of you will be companion to the other.

Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you.

Go now to your dwelling to enter into the days of your life together.

And may your days be good and long upon the earth.

My mother is in the red-print dress, Dave's (the groom) mother is in the solid pinkish dress. My sister Rhonda is wearing a traditional floral headpiece made by her neighbor. The blue blankets are full of symbolism, mostly about solitude, reflection and loyalty. They each have thier own native woven blanket to symbolise their separate beginnings. Behind the chief you will notice the basket with white gifts in it. These were packets of real tobacco in order for us to thank the Great Spirit by enriching the Earth. A wonderful event occurred during this ceremony. 2 hawks (our family's totem consists of hawks and wolves. I've always considered myself a wolf, which is the minority, but Rhonda considers herself a hawk) began circling the wedding site (consecrated ground which was roped off). This is considered a wonderful omen, a blessing from our ancestors and Heaven itself. I believe in omens like this. The circle became steadily smaller until the hawks were almost hovering around and around Rhonda and Dave. I silently said *Hi* to my Grandpa and cousin Sue for attending. I'm sure they also wanted Rhonda to finally feel the joy she has always deserved.

The Blessing

Above you are the stars, below you are the stones.

As time does pass, remember, like a star should your love be constant.

Like a stone should your love be firm.

Have patience with each other, for storms will come, but they will go quickly.

Be free in giving of affection and warmth and be sensuous to one another.

Have no fear, and let not the words of the unenlightened give you unease.

For the Great Spirit is with you, now and forever.

A May Naa (amen)

Now they are given their own single white blanket to symbolise, of course, that the two are now one. The white color is to symbolise the purity of thier love, white was not always available, and not required so much as the best fabric or hide available. It is more about placing the highest value on the partnership rather than the parts of the marriage. Truly, if all marriages had this basis, I think that divorce could almost be ended.

A Ceremonial Dance

This is Adam, my nephew, my brother's son. He is a well known Native American artist as well as competitive in both drums and dance in our area. The last couple of years, he's even ventured outside the area. He has won many many events. Pay close attention to his costume. He made everything. Even the thread. He hunted the deer that hide came from with a bow and arrow. He didn't waste any of it. What wasn't eaten was used for clothing or art. Native Americans never kill animals indiscriminately. It is against our faith to waste the Earth or its creatures. Every one of those feathers he gathered and cleaned. He made the beads from twigs and stones and various other *found* objects. Native Americans recycle everything as a way of life and out of respect to the Earth that the Great Spirit provided us.

After the ceremony we blessed the ground with our tobacco and went to the gift blanket to pick out our tokens from the happy couple. Cherokee people measure wealth, not by how much you retain, but by how much you give away. Weddings are a big event and require many gifts. I think it is a wonderful way of life even if I can't practice it fully. I do live in a white world.

We left by rejoining and completing the circle.


Rhonda, Adam, Dave

Of course the folks had to have this shot. The happy couple and their gorgeous grandson.

I wish y'all could have enjoyed it with me. I will post more pictures of the absurdity of the guests in the near future. I wore shorts. They were nice ones and it was over 95 degrees in the shade. Some bikers wore some crazy shit! Gotta love thier attitude though. Love me or not...here I am. Salt of the Earth types. Several people were dressed more traditionally formal as well. The hog (hawg) was roasted to perfection and we had 2 tables of additional food and yet another table for deserts. If anyone left hungry it was their own fault.

I will never marry again.... but if I did this would be the way to go. Its technically not legal (no divorce needed though Rhonda and Dave had a legal marriage and a regular nondemonitional religious ceremony first) yet it still invokes real commitment. Not to mention its cool to be casual.

A woman wears her tears like jewelry. ~Author Unknown

I took his necklace off my neck today. I thought I was choking. I took off the ankle bracelet too, afraid that I might lose my balance once again.

I don't know what to do with them really. So I put them in their boxes and put the boxes on a shelf I never go to. To give them back I would have to see him. I already know how easily he can convince me with those lighter than blue eyes. Too odd not to stare into and once there I would fall. I can't give them away to anyone I care about. It is like a jinx on them. I can't throw them away because they have a power all their own. Maybe I will pull them out now and again and look at them. Remind myself how hearts can burn and still not feel a thing.

The difference between false memories and true ones is the same as for jewels: it is always the false ones that look the most real, the most brilliant. ~Salvador Dalí

Right now I wonder if love really exists. I haven't dated anyone since he broke my heart and probably won't for a while. I'm also not leading anyone on. I don't do that. I give everyone my blog address so they can know the truth.

The countless gold of a merry heart, The rubies and pearls of a loving eye,
The indolent never can bring to the mart, Nor the secret hoard up in his treasury.
~William Blake

I recall how he waxed poetically about how wonderful I am and how I need and deserve so much more than he can give me. Like I didn't know that already. I'm pissed because he misrepresented himself to be that man who would at least try to give me what I need and deserve (not to mention all the love and caring I wanted to give right back) and to be looking for the same things.

He called my love a treasure. Yeah right.

What man would pass up a treasure?

I was a time filler.

That in-between woman who fixes a man's heart so he can love someone else. He never loves the in-between woman because she is the one who saw him when he was weak.

Clasp my love around your neck,Wear my heart on your finger.
My soul will be your pendant: I live to adorn you -
You're the precious one. ~Grey Livingston, "Genuine Adoration"

One thing I did learn, if you pick up the pieces you don't get to keep the whole.

I would rather be adorned by beauty of character
than jewels. Jewels are the gift of fortune,
while character comes from within. ~Titus Maccius Plautus

He talks about how he let me slip through his fingers and not how he shut the door in my face.

He takes no responsibility whatsoever for his own actions or rather lack thereof.

He never admits to deceiving me or playing with my heart. He just makes a veiled reference to the baggage on his ship which I assume means his fear.

Give crowns and pounds and guineas But not your heart away;
Give pearls away and rubies, But keep your fancy free.~A.E. Housman

I'd rather have roses on my table than diamonds
on my neck. ~Emma Goldman

In choosing fear over me, he lost a lot more than a couple of pieces of jewelry.

The most precious jewels are not made of stone, but of flesh. ~Robert Ludlum

Violence in the neighborhood

I have one of thoooooooose families.

I like to say we put the *fun* in dysfunctional.

My personal lineage goes back to Charlemagne on one side and the family of Will Rogers on the other.

I am basically the result of generations of blue blood gone slumming.

I have all the benefits of an indirect yet fully integrated (well except we don't have oriental or jewish people represented yet) family now. I love the various cultures that I get the opportunity to participate in. At this point the vast majority represents white trash, middle class white and black, reservation and non reservation Native Americans (there is a difference when you try to live completely *white* but aren't...I'm one of those). We also have a smattering of Puerto Ricans, Mexicans and 2nd & 3rd generation Poles. I have learned to not just accept, but to embrace all the various cultures. These people have brought out the best in me. I know what truly matters because of the family I relate too.

Its hard to believe that just a few generations ago my great Grandfather, who was a leader in the KKK disowned his own daughter for marrying a Cherokee (the beloved Grandpa I talk about so often). I hope Great Grandpa Cole turns in his grave. He was an evil man.

I also have the unfortunate propensity of some of my supposedly *higher class* relatives to snobbery in its various forms.

Kind of ironic now that I am the one in the ghetto again.

Blood will tell. I need to work on my attitude.

Me at 17.

My neighborhood is basically not white. I look white. I am 3/4 white, I guess I should look it. When I was young girl and lived in this area though, I didn't look so white. My skin has grown paler with age. The shape of my face has changed somewhat due to maturity and dental work. I don't blend in anymore (I was often mistaken for Mexican descent as a teen). My friends as a teen were mostly not white.

I thought I could move back here and not have any problems. I was wrong. It makes me sad that anyone would judge, by my pale look, that I would bigotted and discriminatory. It bothers me that I struggled so hard to better myself and now my improved speech and carriage makes people I want to be friends with actually wary of me.

But what really pisses me off is that last night, at nearly 10 pm, 4 well-dressed boys who happened to be black came to my door and asked to see my son. I let Walter go to the door so he could talk just a minute with these boys who he thought wanted to be his friend and learn about skateboarding (Walter did not actually know them). One of the boys sucker punched him for no reason other than he was a "white boy in the wrong neighborhood".

I probably should have called the police, instead I just told the little brats off. Promised the next time they came to my door I would call the police. I probably should have dumped a pail of water on him so he would have to explain that to his parents....but I didn't. I've got to move. Walter can not blend in with his white white skin and his hazel eyes. Walter is the target I've always said didn't exist.

For years I've said everytime I had to be tough and strong, and everytime I defended the rights of minorities (of which many of my family are). *You can take the girl out of the ghetto, but you can't take the ghetto out of the girl*.



I don't fit in anymore.

How to be kinder, stronger, better...Instruction Manuals

"People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you've got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God;

It never was between you and them anyway."

Author:Mother Teresa



RanDOm Acts of KINDNESS Organization

Oprah_Story

Be Nice or Else

Network for Good

The Caring Institute

Extreme Kindness

Points of Light

Hands On

Habitat for Humanity

The Giving Game

The Kindness Lifestyle

Nice Magazine

Freecycle

LoveMarks

Help Others

Kindness Inc.

Quotes of Kindness

Dare to be an Angel

One Kind Act

A Nice Blog

Free Hugs

Oprah's site


I BELIEVE IN A BETTER WAY (by Ben Harper)



"Better Way"

I'm a living sunset
Lightning in my bones
Push me to the edge
But my will is stone
I believe in a better way
Fools will be fools
And wise will be wise
But i will look this world
Straight in the eyes
I believe in a better way
I believe in a better way
What good is a man
Who won't take a stand
What good is a cynic
With no better plan
I believe in a better way
I believe in a better way
Reality is sharp
It cuts at me like a knife
Everyone i know
Is in the fight of their life
I believe in a better way
Take your face out of your hands
And clear your eyes
You have a right to your dreams
And don't be denied
I believe in a better way
I believe in a better way
I believe in a better way

Tomorrow

Have you ever done something out of character just to prove you can? Just to prove you are as *insert your own missing character trait here* as someone else is or hinted you are not? Just to prove to yourself that you are something or someone you don't even care to be? Have you ever done the wrong thing or said the mean thing just because you could?

I did this morning. More than one thing.

I don't know why. I am not that person. I don't want to be that person.

So now the thing is what does one do when they wish they could turn back the clock?

Take back that word you wish you'd left unsaid....or breathe life into the words you couldn't find.

Take back that action that you are ashamed you did....or do the one you should have instead.

Take care of the problem you wish you hadn't have ignored....or let something go that really didn't matter.

Normally I try not to regret things.

I can't help but regret this time.

This time I wasn't the only one I let down.

Tomorrow though is a new day again and a new start.

Tomorrow I am going to be me.