Seriously

I totally cracked up when I read this comment from a new reader.....

" Blasé said...
Sounds like to me you need to meet a man that know how to give a woman a good spanking!

You seem to come across as if you need one...imho"

Yep I was ready to tear him a new uknowwhut but in my investigation as to how I would best zap him I previewed his blog....pretty funny guy. I don't know if he's serious or not....but I found his blog pretty fun so I guess I will let him go this time...but I'm gonna find me a virtual whip for the next guy who suggests this...LOL

If you want to check it out it is Think and Laugh, not necessarily in that order. Sort of a mild version of "The Penis Chronicles" on aol. He's not Remo....but he's not bad.

Come on....You know you wanna

My old Bossy (the lawyer) always sends me great emails. This one was priceless.

I think I am going to play teacher for a day.

Y'all can be my students.

Below are your new vocabulary lists. Please choose at least 3 words from each set and apply them in sentences to be turned in at the comments link.

Extra credit if you can do 5 or more.

Proper grammar counts!!!

I will *virtually kiss yer arse* if you can do 15 of them in a short story posted on your site and linked here. (seriously....I can virtually do that!!!) Best one gets reposted here and cross-linked back. Come on....I triple dog dare you!..... oh and extra points for pictures.



If you don't even try its the ruler for you!!!

Mensa Invitational
Here are the winners of this year's Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition :

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one gets extra credit if used in a paragraph.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidental ly walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.


The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4.. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7.. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

New Olympic Event

Kathy at the Rusty Spigot is once again providing the inspiration for this post.

THIS IS THE MOST OUTRAGEOUS GAME I'VE EVER WITNESSED!!!! (opens a post on Kathy's page)

I think I may have to post it in my sidebar permanently!

I can't wait to play it!

I really could be a CONTENDER!

Dammit Kath!!!!

Kathy at The Rusty Spigot tagged me,

I really don't know why I like that woman....

Some friend right?


Six things you may not know about me ….

Since Kathy was allowed to swear...I guess we all can too. Yeah, I know that y'all know I swear and that can't count as one of the 6 things.

The Rules …

* Link to the person who tagged you * (Kathy)

* List 6 random things about yourself

* Tag 6 new people

* Let each tagged person know by posting a comment on their blog

* Link to the 6 people you’ve tagged

* Let the person who tagged you know that you posted.

Easy Breezy…...Well except that I don't know if I can be that interesting. I tell everything!!!! Open book. No real secrets anymore....only oddities. Well.... maybe.

Here goes......

For real....

I can do this....

1.) I have no hair inside my nostrils. Seriously...well maybe one or two but I haven't seen them in years. I used to work in a leather factory as Supervisor for a newly formed Gluing Department. One of the glues had such strong fumes that it literally made my hair fall out....of my nose! It never grew back. It was quite the blessing really. I don't have any real body hair but I did have some thick nose hairs before that happened. It was a bitch plucking those babies out. Since those fumes didn't cause any other damage, I'm almost glad I was there.

2.) I am at least half white-haired (nope not grey) if I let my roots grow out. I started losing the color when I was 22, shortly after I gave birth to my daughter. Coincidence? I think not!

3.) I have always loved trains. Even as a young child I woud hurry to the window to watch everytime a train would come by. I can't stand to ride them though.

4.) I didn't become vain and egocentric. I didn't have to *learn* to spout off about my opinion. I was born that way. When I was only 4 years old I had my tonsils taken out (together with my two older sisters). Instead of slowing me down the drugs they gave me speeded me up (found out later I was hyperactive)so I stole ALL of the toys out of the playroom at the hospital and locked myself in the bathroom with them. When the nurses were finally able to get me out (I steadfastly refused to let them in because I *deserved* all the toys) they put me in a crib (I proclaimed it a jail) tied a net over the top (because I kept fighting them and trying to climb out) and I ranted and raved at them about how they could not do that to me because I looked just like Shirley Temple and was born to be a star! Evidently I ranted until I passed out a few hours later. Quite the feat for someone who just had a tonsilectomy. I was eating solid food the next day. High pain tolerance and demanding to boot. From what I understand and remember, this was pretty much how I was all the time. I'm much nicer now.

5.) I think we don't know a whole lot more than we do know about our world, our universe and ourselves. I believe we underestimate the vastness of the universe and the power of God. I also believe we overestimate our own greatness in the scheme of things. I believe in aliens who may even be among us and/or part of our own blood lines. I've seen ghosts (I won't argue the point, I only know what I know). I believe in angels. I hope to know more about life before I die. The more questions I answer the more questions I have though.... The only thing I know for certain is that there is so much I will never know.

6.) I don't smoke marijuana...or even want to, but I think it should be legalized for recreational use. One of these days I am going to blog about that.


yeah.... I'm a little strange sometimes.


I tag:


<

Lisa of Better Terms

Tracy of Trace's Space

Jimmy of The Stupid Sheet

Ally of Simply Me Ally

The Divine Ms. A of Miss Alaineus Almanac

and my newest soulmate

dah ta dah....

Emma of Talking to Myself

Well I'm not going to inform anyone of this until tomorrow....but...if you read it here before I make it to your blog...go for it! meanwhile Y'all have a good night! (that's me laughing like a maniac in the background)

BOO!!!!!

Well I am very busy...but I couldn't let the day go unnoticed. Seriously I barely had time to go to the

<

<

My wonderful GM kept bugging me with her constant inquiries about the current state of affairs.....

<

The front desk wasn't keeping quiet either. It's like they expected me to know EVERYTHING!

What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
Bone appetit!
What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
"Don't spook until you're spooken to."
What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley?
I'm bone to be wild.
What do baby ghosts wear on their feet?
Boo-ties
What do ghosts put on top of an ice cream sundae?
Whipped scream.
What do ghosts serve for dessert?
I Scream.
What do witches put on their hair?
Scare spray.
What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
Hoblin Goblin.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and deady.
What do you call a monster with no neck?
The Lost Neck Monster.
What do you call a roomful of ghosts?
A bunch of boo-boos.
What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A sand witch.
What do you call dead cows that come back to life?
Zombeef.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its radius?
Pumpkin pi.
What do you give a skeleton for Valentine's Day?
Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.
What does a skeleton orders at a restaurant?
Spare ribs.
What game do ghost like to play?
Peek-a-Boo.
What goes "Ha-ha-ha . . . THUD!"
A monster laughing his head off
What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
He is mist.
What happens when a ghost haunts a theater?
The actors get stage fright.
What instrument do skeletons play?
Trom-BONE.
What is a ghost's favorite desert?
Iced Screams.
What is a witch's favorite subject in school?
Spelling.
What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
Boo boos.
What's a ghoul's favorite game?
Hide-And-Go-Shriek!
What's a haunted chicken?
A poultry-geist.
What's Dracula's favorite flavor of ice cream?
Vein-illa.
What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It's a pain in the neck.
Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
Dayscare centers.
Where do ghosts mail their letters?
At the ghost office
Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?
Because of his coffin.
Why did the ghost go into the bar?
For the boos.
Why did the vampire give his girlfriend a blood test?
To see if she was his type.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He had no guts.
Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
He had no body to dance with.
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
Why do mummies make excellent spies?
They're good at keeping things under wraps.
Why do witches fly on brooms?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy.
Why doesn't anybody like Dracula?
He has a bat temper.
Why don't mummies take vacations?
They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.
Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
They're afraid of flying off the handle!
Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
Because everyone was a goblin!
What kind of street does a ghost like best?
A dead end.
What did the papa ghost say to the baby ghost?
Fasten your sheet belt.
Who does a ghoul fall in love with?
His ghoul friend.
What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
A blood hound.
How can you tell when windows are scared?
They get shudders.

Seriously...I tried hard to be patient but eventually I became quite frustrated!

Still we did have some good conversations at work. Politics are big there. I'd say most of us are leaning toward the liberal side. I think I spoke for us all when I said

Well I probably ought to sign off now....am expecting hordes of masked terrorists at my door tonight. I will have to give them certain small packages to keep myself from danger.

But I just want to leave you with one scary thing....it is after all, Halloween....

I hope you all have a safe and a

As for me...I plan to spend a nice quiet evening at home with Mr. Wonderful....

Another lazy Monday

I am the procrastination Queen.



I have a messy house.



My dog still needs a bath.



I didn't do any of the work I brought home from work to do.



All this means I am going to have to get up at some ungodly hour.



I wasn't really lazy today though. It has recently come to my attention that I really am 46 years old and I am living like a 36 year old. Yeah ten years makes a difference. I am a single mother of a teen-ager beginning a new career while struggling to have a personal (romantic) life. Yep....some days I am just to friggin old for this!



I find I actually need 6 hours of sleep to function well. 4 hours to function at all. Last night I think I had 3.



Weird political thoughts going through my head (no I am not expounding on them....).



I used up all the synapses I had in reserve today. I actually had to solve problems instead of the rote work that Monday usually involves....which means....tomorrow I have to make up for what I didn't get today and do double duty with whatever comes in the mail to me.....which is a double load because we didn't get mail today.



My dog finally took a liking to her leashed walk....GEEZ....she walked me up the block....she walked me down the block....she walked me up....she walked me down.....then we walked around and around and around the back yard. Then she wanted to play.



I'm goin to bed.........



Lord if Palin shows her plastic face in my dreams tonight....I am gonna bitch slap her!

Just another crazy day!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! My son is having dinner with his girlfriend and her family....OMFG!!! First he gets a girlfriend then he is willing to spend his money (trust me Walter never spends HIS money when he can spend mine) treating his girl to sodas....he's waiting by the freaking phone....and now this!!!!

ROFLMAO....OK OK....I'm kinda sorta coping. It is absolutely adorable and I am happy he's happy. I still want my baby back....the only thing that would make me feel better is for my daughter to call me up and tell me she's going to deliver me a new baby....dern her responsibility!

I've been doing well these days. Getting on with life and flirting outrageously. Not dating yet. Being careful. Enjoying life a lot.

I've been writing and working on my other blog a bit...its mostly re-posts right now...but it will be where I keep my real essay writing since I can't seem to stop myself from going knee deep into the personal in this blog. Not that the new one isn't personal...just more applicable to others.

Next thing is to do a new poetry page.

At work, I sort of let it slip that I may be looking for another job, sheesh....I only wanted to let the Manager I do like understand my position so that we can stay friends after and now she wants to move me strictly back office and was willing to adjust my hours like crazy... I dunno...I am still pretty ticked about what happened with Celia...but I'm going to play it by ear a bit. It is good experience.

My little sister had her civil marriage today! Rhonda has never had much joy in her life and has always selflessly sought to bring it to others. I think it's finally her turn.

We are still having a *rerun* wedding and hogroast reception though!

This is how it stands at this point:

Little Miss Prissy and Hubby, Leather Jacket Hard Core Harley Dude will have the marriage blessed in the church. Rhonda will be wearing cream lace, Dave his biker leathers. Then we return to their home for the Native American ceremony. Rhonda will change into authentic (but imho hideously ugly unless we can find a way to fix it and still keep the authenticity intact) Cherokee wedding dress. Her blonde hair and fair skin will no doubt look like a halo about her. Dave will be wearing his biker leathers (YOU GO DAVE!!!! Don't let our crazy Mama intimidate you!) Then of course the HOG ROAST reception with the addition of a Polish potluck wedding dinner (which you know I will be helping to cook). There will be a rock band and dj'd music. Rhonda is planning white table cloths with lace over the pic-nic tables and area tables, flowered centerpieces and various temporary landscaping. She wants a lot of ribbons and bows.

Does anyone know where I can find miniature harleys for the centerpieces? I truly think it would be the finishing touch!

OMG I can't wait!

Who amongst you wants to break my fingers?

Stomp on my keyboard?

Shut off my electricity?

Make me stop?

See the reason I need a boyfriend is so that I have someone to write these long long letters too. LOL....

So today was supposed to be the last of the two week window but then later I told him to take as long as he likes with the added comment that basically I might be still here or I might not be. Way to put my foot down right?

Would someone please remind me what I say in these situations?

You know what really is annoying?!?! I'm getting my head together. I'm finding all the pieces to my heart. I have gone two whole days without crying or thinking over much about him. He's still invading my sleep. I have enough problems with sleep. He needs to get out of it!!! I wake up sad, then see the sunshine and I know my world is going to be ok....but I want to wake up happy again.

Puhlease no one tell me that its only been two weeks. In my world that is a long time. I fall down, I get up, I trip again. That is how it works.

When the kids were little I used all kinds of tricks to keep them from having bad dreams. They inherited it from me. I wanted them to feel *in control* even while they slept. I've even had them sleep with a remote so they could *change the channel*. Another thing we did was plan our dreams. We would come up with a script wherein my children came out the victor in their nightly battles.

If I were to employ that trick, would I be truly evil if I imagined He-who-must-not-be-named being castrated while while getting bitten by his next ex? Would it be more socially acceptable for him to be hit by a train? Normally I am not worried about being PC, but I don't want to warp my mind any more than necessary. I just want to get him out of my head.

Perhaps you have a better suggestion? I don't have a problem asking for a ghost writer to make a ghost out of the shadow. Seems appropriate somehow.

You know Einstein said something to the effect that our thoughts were more powerful than our actions. What a concept!

:::::evil grin disguised as a sweet smile::::::

I don't wanna go to work. I want to playyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!! It is too sunny to be cooped up. I want to clean up my yard (but I need a rake) and I want to put my screens in (I don't know how but I'll figure it out). I definitely need to wash my windows. I wish I didn't need money so I could have more time. :::sigh::::

Well I guess I better start getting ready. I'm supposed to work 11-7 but I think if I get there early I might get out earlier too....

I feel like scheming.

My inner child

I cracked up one of my friends with this today.

My inner child as painted by Norman Rockwell:






Seriously, You have no idea how often I found myself in this particular position then!

I think it suits me right now too.

I haven't cried since I woke up. I've actually cleaned up the mess around the house a bit and I'm going to finish it before the night is through. No letter from the one-who-got-away but that is probably a good portion of the reason I am not crying. I feel a bit stronger without the salt being rubbed into my wounds. Maybe I am even getting a scab or two.

I played rock music all day!

Y'know even when I was a kid I always broke out into a grin when things were about to get *busy*.

Just being

Its a beautiful day in the 'hood. Only heard two shots last night! ROFLMAO I should be more concerned but truth be told they are just shooting at each other.

I slept easy anyway.

It's like that old series Highlander....in the end there can be only one. Then hopefully the local police force will be able to stop that one.

I was playing a bit in one of my photo programs and found a cute picture of Walter when he was about 6 and manipulated it into something more indicative of what was to come...




By that angelic face you can see why I didn't see this whole adolescent thing coming..... I shouldn't have let him eat his sister's cookies.... What the Hell does she put in those?

At any rate its a sunnier day and I think I've solved my hives problem...it looks as if I've been spider bitten in a few places. At any rate the hives are clearing up...hopefully it won't take as long as the scratch on my nose (still visible after a month) that the cats gave me.

Have a wonderful day everyone. I will be by tonight after work.

Just a Quick One...

Hey everyone

I've been trying to write something substantial like Lisa has recently...but I am so wrapped up in my love and family lives that I only have bits and pieces put together.... I need to be baking cookies right now because I want to send some home with Scott for his kids, I am giving some to Celia, Billy and their friend for putting tires on my car this weekend and I promised some to a person I know who is working hard to get Celia and Billy a job with a major airline. Serious advancement opportunities!

So I'm not slacking here....just have my priorities right and they are all due about right now.

Today was a great day.... Walter is in a great mood and working hard to control his emotions, and he has been making a concentrated effort on his school work....I am soooooooo proud of my kid for his efforts....Then I was so good at work... It was a good thing because the General Manager is shadowing us. I made not less than 12 priority club memberships while taking reservations. Damn I am sooooooooo good!

:;:sigh::: life is good.

Well I lest my newly found joy bore you all to death.....Lisa is doing some real thinking these days....Go visit her here.

My love life as explained by music videos...

Gawd....I love You Tube....

I miss the old MTV




hard to ignore the truth.....




The title says it all....and hey its got a great beat and you can dance to it (I should know I did it for way too long)

I've had my share of disappointments......



I played the blame game a time or two......





Made some really bad choices





Flirted a bit too much a time or two....




I really don't mean it.....


Now I am chasing storms.....looking for hope....





Hey...I'll be back later....I just seen a leprechaun....maybe he can lead me to that rainbow....

I'm not chasing after the pot of gold....

Just one man who is



Hey.....hey..... WAIT UP!!!!

Other Bloggers Christmas Spirit

I have to give the usual *Not always for Christian or Children's eyes* warning here. Yep I do like some offensive stuff....but if you are at my blog, you know you (even if secretly) enjoy some of it too....and basically it is pretty tame.

Some of it is just sweet too.

Here are my HO HO HO s, HA HA HA s, and AHHHHHH how sweet! s, for today!

http://journals.aol.co.uk/acoward15/andy-the-bastard/

http://journals.aol.com/alphawoman1/Alphawomansblog/

http://journals.aol.com/delela1/BlueSkiesandGentleBreezes

http://prettypuddleglum.blogspot.com/2007/12/new-christmas-spirit-part-14.html

(hilarious 12 days of Christmas post above, if you check her site out you'll find some other song remakes, some are more melancholy than funny though....still a talented lady)

http://journals.aol.com/mlraminiak/ComingtotermswithMiddleAge/

(She even finds hope in sadness....)

http://journals.aol.com/dbaumgartner/MakingAHome/

She knows how to keep that Christmas spirit all the time, but this months entries are full of christmas LOVE.

http://journals.aol.com/dklars/SecretGarden/

All her Christmas energy is wearing me out! My goodness I feel soooooooo inferior!

http://www.tracenoel.blogspot.com/

Real Christmas Spirit is found here too.

http://stupidsheet.blogspot.com/

He's sarcastic...but he has a soft and squishy center.

http://stillunhinged.blogspot.com/

writing about a real, honest to goodness, Christmas miracle that just happened to her family.

That should get you surfing....

Enjoy Christmas!

Ho Ho Ho zzzzzzZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzz

My Santa hat's too big! It was a slow day at the inn today. Good thing too, because as you can see by the circles on the circles under my eyes....I've been sleepless lately!

Least my hair is finally growing out!

I earned the Santa cap by the way....

I went shopping for ALL my gifts yesterday....and I did it all in one night....just like the big guy himself.

I was an amazing sight to behold....unless you were in my way. Snatch...Grab....Race to the next aisle....I was utterly AMAZING!!! Not only did I do some great shopping (and y'all know I hate shopping) but I got some great deals too.... I came in UNDER budget this year. Yay me! I bought a new Othello game to reward myself....now I just have to find a WORTHY opponent....and I am soooooooooo good at this game. I bet I could beat you!

The slide show is just some of the goofy people I work with..... I love my job!

Family Relations

I thought this was just a perfect video for this classic song....

Makes me wanna giggle!