Blessed are the Meek, I'm Going To Hell

I'm closing Storms Whispers Down...

I put the best posts on my other blog ... (linked above)

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Action...Reaction...Satisfaction, A Review

There is a lot going on right now.

I am moving next weekend. I am so excited. The complex is called Park Jefferson. Here is a facsimile of my new digs.





Nice huh?

The current landlord tried to give me some grief but I won out in the end. I told him to go ahead and take me to court if he wished. Our lease expired 2 years ago, I have no idea what makes him think he can do anything about it.

I've been thinking a lot about my Karma lately. I've always believed there is a lot to be said for the saying "What goes around, comes around." I was not always a nice person in my life...I think I've finally attoned for the last of my serious sins though. Resolved the majority of my issues.

Its good to be single...but sometimes I'm confused about one I left behind.

My whole family seems to be getting along really well these days. That's a good thing too. Maybe all the mistakes of the past are gone now. History. Forgiven.

Life is calm internally....A bit too exciting externally. I have a week to move...and we change flags at the Hotel on Monday. Its the end of the year too. Lots of paper work and filing that needs doing.

My family is whole and supportive. My job is stable and that is good in these trying times. My friends are loyal and loving. The only weight on my shoulders now is the stuff I put there....the weight of the world is off.

This year is ending in a way it never has before. All the old years can be put behind me now and I can focus on the future for the New Year. A brand new future.....

I don't even know what to say about that. I've never experienced this kind of freedom before.

Raining with the hopes of sunny days ahead.

Things are going well for me today I think.

Still down with the decision to move. Leaning toward a specific complex. I want to move into the old boss's apartment, but its not becoming available soon enough. I'm tired of waiting and dealing with a slumlord. Time to move on.


Kids are good....life is mostly good too.

My biggest worries today are for my friends. They have deaths, cancer, real relationship problems and even swine flu to deal with. I'm trying to help whereever I can. Wish I could do more.

I think maybe I just worry too much sometimes.

Maybe I don't know everything

Today I was lucky enough to have time to talk with my real-life friends. I'm lucky enough to have several both at work and outside of work that truly care about my well being...yeah they rib me when they can and tell me what I don't want to know but they are good friends. I needed that today. It helps that most of them are sane.

One of my friends is ill. Seriously so. I refuse to believe anything bad can happen to her because I don't know what I would do without her. I feel kind of selfish in that belief but the truth is she is one of the few people in this world who "gets" me. She could probably tell you exactly what I would do in a given situation and seldom be wrong. I want to "be there" for her as much as possible. Its kinda hard because I want to smother her with affection and tears. I have to stop myself from seeing if she needs help. See she is probably more independent and proud than I am. She's like a super-woman. She'll do it all or die trying. Probably how she got so sick. My friend makes me look like a sissy girl. She's my hero. I would be lost in life without her. So what can I do to make her days better, to help her without her feeling like she's imposing? I really want to know. I don't know what I would want other than to not be treated like an invalid. She is powerful. I want more than anything for her to keep feeling that way. I know the risks and the expectations and side effects. I've chosen to focus on hope. Deal with the facts and make the future what she wants it to be. I want to be her friend. I've always considered myself the weaker link here.... I can't be that now. I have to toughen up and help hold her steady. What can I do? I would love suggestions.

I can't go through another sleepless night. My brain is scrambled.

Bits & Pieces

1. Walter is doing well in school. No recent injuries but still skateboarding. Really getting good at video taping.

2. Still dating. I hate dating. I want a BF....but I hate the effort involved.

3. SC is still ill but doing better...I'm hoping that things will be cured soon.

4. BJ got arrested for MDA charity purposes. I hope to upload the video soon.

5. Stacy, one of my BFFs is working at the Inn again. I hope that we are able to give her a permanent position soon.

6. IK, another friend of mine from the Inn was promoted up to Housekeeping manager. Excellent. Rooms have considerably improved.

7. House was clean and organized but Football Hell Week did me in and it took all of Labor Day Weekend for me to recuperate. Redoing it now.

8. Just in case you missed it...ND whupped Nevada. This bodes well for Walter's spirits, our tourist economy, and the local attitude.

9. I've started wearing my contacts a little less than half the time now. They still want to stick to my eyeballs though. Its a pain in the backside but I look so much better with them, and truth be told I see better too.

10. This Summer I was able to see Bonnie Tyler and Alice Cooper in concert. I am going to this B100 (local radio station) Party on Sunday where Alabama is playing. Going stag probably.... No date and all my friends have dates or hubbies.

11. I think my eldest son has a girlfriend. He's been MIA even from his sister lately. Honestly I would be delighted if he were to fall in love and stay with one woman for a while.

12. My car is fixed. My ex husband, Bo (Richard & Celia's Dad) fixed it for me free...only cost me $80 for tires. He's a sweetheart for doing that!

13. Now I need to get a new freaking stove. If its not one thing its another....LOL... I don't think it can be fixed.

14. My house is slowly being invaded by spiders.....ugh.....I hate spiders. They don't have long to live though. I will probably bomb the house on Monday or Tuesday. I seen the weirdest looking one ever a few days back. I swear it looked like *Thing* on the Adams family....yup like a walking hand and it was the size of a child's hand! I smashed that bugger with my shoe! Afterwards I thought Damn! I should have suffocated it in a jar so I could take a picture and see what kind it actually was. I know some of you don't think its ok to kill them but me....if they aren't paying rent then I don't want them in my house!

15. Celia is a vegetarian now. yeah.....a kid of mine that doesn't like steak. Somethings not right about that. Oh well...she probably wouldn't want me killing spiders either. She cracks me up....

Thats it....my current very boring life in bits and pieces. I always said I wanted boring but y'know what.....

Its freaking boring!

Seriously

I totally cracked up when I read this comment from a new reader.....

" Blasé said...
Sounds like to me you need to meet a man that know how to give a woman a good spanking!

You seem to come across as if you need one...imho"

Yep I was ready to tear him a new uknowwhut but in my investigation as to how I would best zap him I previewed his blog....pretty funny guy. I don't know if he's serious or not....but I found his blog pretty fun so I guess I will let him go this time...but I'm gonna find me a virtual whip for the next guy who suggests this...LOL

If you want to check it out it is Think and Laugh, not necessarily in that order. Sort of a mild version of "The Penis Chronicles" on aol. He's not Remo....but he's not bad.

Weighing in my options

The Central High School Apartments might not work out....I make too much money for income based and not really enough to afford the rent non-income based (its a $350 difference!)...So I was talking to my boss/friend early and she mentioned that I might want to look at these: MarMain Apartments. These are a 3 block walk to work...I could do that even in Winter and they are just a block away from my former boss/still friend Dennis Brennan's offices.....where my niece also works (in case of an emergency while I am at work...Walter could walk over there where I could keep a spare key if I needed to). I also have friends in his apartments which are right there by his office. Another major plus about this place is ALL (yes I did say ALL) utilities are included. Its not super large....just under 700 square feet but hey.....that's less to clean. Truthfully I only have about 1000 or 1500 (if you count the Michigan basement) feet now but I could get rid of a lot of stuff I don't use. No washer/dryer hookup...but with the paid utilities I will be saving a small fortune especially in Winter. There are on site laundry facilities too. In a pinch I could use the facilities at work.

So check out the site and the 2 bedroom floor plan and let me know what you think

Sometimes its what we DON'T do that matters.

Someone mentioned to me yesterday that it might not be such a good idea to call a person an idiot....even if that person was. The truth is I can't remember the last time I said something behind someone's back that I haven't said directly to their face. Sometimes I can be so mean.... so sarcastic... self righteous.... overbearing.... egocentric..... and a whole host of not so stellar personality traits... I'm trying to get better. Usually I am....but sometimes and a lot lately I'm not nearly as nice as I aspire to be.

Today I didn't call anyone an idiot....in front or behind them. It may not sound like much.... but its progress.

I guess its born from frustration. I've been going through a lot recently and not in a good mood to start with. I tend to expect too much from myself and from others. I expect everyone to be as single minded as I am on any given task. The truth is I am the weird one. I could state my case differently instead of saying... *he's an idiot* as if that person doesn't matter. Everyone matters. So I am trying to be nicer and while it is part of my job to find problems and correct them and inform my GM if someone makes continual mistakes or errors be it in judgment or in work... It is not my place to go around insulting people as if I, alone, am perfect.

Time to jump off the high horse and walk around a bit.

Its Time For A Cool Change

Life isn't exactly good...but it feels good. Does that even make sense? I can just feel it. Lots of changes going on for me right now. Isn't that always the case? I think things are getting better. So many things all at once now that despite my desire to write all about them, it would take days so I am making a list so I have time to go visit you!

...if you are curious about anything on this list and want to know more....email me.

1. Decided not to work it out with the room mate. Finally realize that just because something could be doesn't actually mean it should be. I guess the fact that I couldn't bring myself to move past the room mate stage should have given me a clue.



2. Kids are all doing great. Richard is the same as always..works plays and won't settle down with one woman. Celia has been promoted up at work...she loves it. Walter is getting really good at videos and looking forward to the end of Summer Skateboarding competition (he's also getting more responsible and less moody).

3. Walter may have broken yet another video camera. If this kid didn't have talent I would finish the job on his head! Kudos for him though....he didn't lose his temper, blame God or the cosmos, and he didn't have a tantrum. Might be growing up after all.






4. Had to replace our cell phones (mine was broken by above listed roommate). They are totally cool but not texting machines. Both of them have blue tooth, video cameras and MP3 players and web access if I would allow it. I can add 4 (originally phone only took 2g) gig of memory to mine (and I will). Walter didn't need 4 gig addl. memory because he has separate cameras and mp3 players (I want to be a kid again so I can have all the cool stuff). My new ring tone is "you make my pants wanna get up and dance* by Dr. Hook. I have this Motorola and Walter has this Nokia. I bought him a rather heavy duty cover as well. The cost? Less than $150 and 30 months on my contract. I am pretty happy with Centennial so it was no big deal extending it out.


5. I got really kind of pissed off at work recently and felt the single action of someone very high up (not my boss) had completely insulted and disregarded several coworkers and myself. I was going to quit and rightfully so but I've come back to Earth. I love my job. It would be stupid to work someplace boring and/or draining again. Going to try to wait out the economy and the stress levels here. The person doesn't screw up that much (not to mention that because of his position he can really do whatever he wants) and my pride can be a bad thing sometimes. No one wants me to go. Not even me really. So here I will stay.

6. Bought a used laptop and refurbed it. Love it...well except for this keyboard that isn't tilted quite right for my touch typing. I will get the hang of it though. Still need to replace the battery...one of these days Walter won't be needing a new skateboard, camera, pair of shoes, new jeans, or school supplies and I will get it. Meanwhile it only has 60 G of HD space but I do have a 220 G external drive so that really isn't much of a foreseeable problem. It runs XP and I have .75G of fast ram which is fine for my use of this computer (mostly word processing... games or heavy graphics). CDRW+DVD, Good (not great) wireless (connects at 54mbps on my 100 mbps connection) and 2.0 USB (2) rounds out the basic system with a 4 port extension module (brings it up to 5 - 2.0 usb connections). In all I have invested about $250. How do you think I did?

7. Was going to go to the 4-H fair this weekend but since Walter needs a new video camera I think I will give him the choice about where the money will go. I'd probably spend about $200 on the fair and I can get him a new (albeit cheap) video camera and a day at the skate park for that.

8. Stayed after work for Wednesday Women's Wind-down last night (a thing we have in The Cellar Door Restaurant and Lounge at our Hotel) and I had my tarot cards read by a self professed witch. Around here she is known as the "Grey Witch" and she lives in a place called Ravyn house (not too far from where I live). Amazingly accurate. She said I have 3 major decisions to make. (Wondering if I've already made 2 of them???) That I had inherited psychic gifts from my Grandmother (and other family members)....and she just knew things she couldn't possibly know.

9. Met some of my boss/Friends (hereafter referred to as SC)'s friends. SC has nice friends. I liked them.

10. Have decided that I should move to this apartment complex 1 block away from work. It is a converted High School (my mother attended it back when). Check out the link to the actual apartment site. It has floor plans and everything. Tell me what you think!





11. I'm beginning my 2nd week of the *Activia Challenge*. WOW!!! You would never believe how good I feel. I really was full of shit!!! :::snickering::: Seriously, I have lost about 6 inches around my middle- that happened almost immediately. My overall health has improved as well as my energy level. Yep I am regular. No cramps or churning. But its more than that. When one's body shuts down because of stress, as in my case, or any other reason...it begins poisoning itself. That's right. Poison. Stuff we don't use is supposed to go away. Its like any other clutter in your life...its messy. At any rate for any of you who wondered if it works...I give it an unqualified thumbs up. I used to take medicine for this condition (IBS) and it didn't work nearly as well as Activia. Activia is a lot cheaper and healthier too. Try it.

12. Currently updating and certifying my skills set. I started when I thought I would be changing jobs, but despite deciding to stay at my current job, I am going to continue with this. You never know when a promotion will open up and also the economy could crash again and take the hotel with it. Better safe than sorry.

Well theres more.... life has been eventful but I need a break and then I need to catch up with you....

Hope y'all had wonderful days!

Life....

I apologize for not writing much...reading and failing to comment. I've been depressed and without health insurance or real resources... I've been having a hard time of it.

I need to get my life in order....I need to forgive myself and others for so many things and so many failures....

I need to regain control of things...but I can't seem to find the reins that control my life. Today is a good day...kind of... sort of.... I've been kind of bitchy but not crying over anything and not really feeling so fake.

That's good right?

As for my life...the kids are all good. I've managed not to take out too much of my moodiness on Walter...sometimes its really hard though. There's no one I can really go to to help me get through this. The only friend I had that I could completely trust with anything and everything has been dead for years.... I was lucky to have her the time I did I guess...

I'm doing well at the job too. Really well. I work myself into this oblivious state while I'm there and almost make my brain a computer of its own. On the plus side I am learning all kinds of new skills and software...and it does kind of make me brain dead by the end of the day. Its easier not to deal with my life and failures that way I guess. Sleep comes in fits and starts. I think I usually get enough though...it just isn't the good kind.

I'm still involved in that psuedo relationship with my roomate. Nonsexual. Maybe I just really need to get laid...maybe I'm that shallow... but its not going to be with him... He's in his own downward mental spiral. He lies about stupid shit. His morals and standards are not nearly as high as mine. He thinks I'm a goody two shoes sometimes. That pretty much sucks. I mean I want to be good but not a goody two shoes y'know? For some reason men think that about me a lot. I abide by the law. I don't do drugs. I don't drink as a rule. I think about right and wrong and sometimes really struggle to make sure I make the right moral decisions. I'm still cool though....really. I can be a badass too. Seriously. I've stood up to murderers, rapists and thieves on several occassions. I've taken down crack dealers. So how does that make me a goody-two shoes? I smoke and sometimes, when my car is running, I'm prone to a heavy foot. Doesn't any man want a middle-of-the-road kind of woman? I'm too angelic for the bad boys and too evil for the good ones... I'm still divided I guess.

The only real working friendship I have is with my boss. No one else really knows everything that is going on in my life. The problem is with my boss, I don't want her to feel bad about my problems with work....she really has been trying to help me along but she doesn't own the joint y'know.

I'm still underpaid for the job I am doing and wondering how I am making ends meet most of the time because I am still not getting the 40 hours I was promised 2 years ago. The thing is my friend and boss really needs me there. She does. She was so close to a break-down a year ago because a lot of the help she has here is inept and frankly many of them are not the brightest. She is understaffed. ......and lets face it...Notre Dame just isn't packing the crowds any more. We just don't have the revenue to sustain shoddy work.

I've done well for her though, I was able to collect 10s of thousands in what was previously considered lost revenue we've managed to hang in there during a couple of really rough patches. I keep waiting for the promotion and raise I've earned now that I have all our receivables at 96% current (from 40% a year ago when I took over). I am still earning a dollar less than I was promised a year ago. It sucks and I can't complain to my friend about it because she feels it as a failure too. I'm not going to ask for it right now because I know the company really can't justify it, despite my performance.

Lord I hope that Obama's policies work.

At any rate I didn't want to drone on and on...I just wanted to reconnect a little and to be honest and tell you that I'm going to be ok in a while....I'm just having a bit of a hard time right now....but improving a little day by day...

My mother's mother's life

A week ago today my family and I celebrated the life of my Grandmother. I think I've finally come to terms with everything....

I was asked to speak there and I did. In dreams I was overcome by the spirits of first my grandmother and then my grandfather. In fact, I wrote it quickly after the first dream....but the dream I had the next night made it clear that it wasn't quite finished. Grandpa always said if you are going to do a thing....do it right. He loved my Grandma too much to allow me to neglect certain aspects of her personality...most notably her damnable determination. Both frustrating and admirable while she lived, I completely left it out until the second dream.

Below is the memorial speech I gave in honor of my Grandma...I'm not really sure if I wrote it. It is pretty much exactly as I recited it with one small exception...the minister who spoke before me also stated he felt touched by my (very very determined) Grandmother and felt that she wanted him to include the same poem she directed me to say...so I didn't repeat in my speech it but I left it in the version below. LOL....guess I should have tried to go first....

Grandma always said I had a habit of using $20.00 words for a $5.00 message. I'll try to keep this on the cheap side. There aren't enough days in the year to share all the stories I would like to share or for you to share back anyway. I just want to give your memories a nudge and your heart a smile. I think that is all Grandma wants me to do anyway.

Some would say she had her ups and downs and no doubt she would say that too. I'm not here to talk so much about that. We've all had them. She handled them better than most.

As far as I've ever been concerned, she and Grandpa were the greatest influences in my life and the people that I want most to be like. They may not have been rich in dollars, but their lives were more valuable than all the gold in the world. They were plain people who could have had more for themselves if they had been willing to do less for others. They chose to enrich others instead. In the end, thier legacies to us are far more valuable than any money they could have left us. They were good people. We were truly blessed.

We are here to remember Grandma today and I guess what I'd like for us all to remember most is not that she died but that she really live, not quietly, not sorrowfully but loudly and boldly. Some would even say she was a bit of an eccentric. She'd like to hear them saying it too!.

She lived life on her terms and to her own satisfaction as much as I think any of us really can. In that way I like to think I'm a little bit like her. I think most of you are a bit like that too. As a matter of fact, I'd go so far as to say we are kind of known as that kind of family around these parts.

Waneta Rogers was an amazing woman. She was not much bigger than the leprachauns she tried to convince me still lived in Ireland. She dyed her hair bright red to give the world warning that she was a firebrand. She worked and played harder than men 4 times (not just twice) her size. Even so, she was completely feminine. She kept up her appearances and never let the world see her down. Grandma even dressed up and put make-up on before she went to the Salvation Army store (which she called the Sally-Shop). She mended and restyled her purchases so well that people would often comment on her fashion style and try to get her to reveal where she found such lovely pieces. She told the truth, but was seldom believed about it.

Grandma was a capable woman. There wasn't any person or any situation that she couldn't handle effectively. She could manage my siblings, my cousins and me all at the same time with a single look and she could make everything right in the world with one sweet smile. Heaven help the poor soul that would try to harm one of us. She could handle them too!

Let us remember, with a glad heart, the woman who defied convention and married an Indian when that just wasn't done. Let us remember the woman who tamed that wild giant of a man too. She never judged people on something so minor as the color of their skin, she made friends based on the content of their hearts. She was a supportive wife, a loving mother, a thoughtful sister, a wonderful friend, and the kind of grandmother that all children wish for. She was known as quite the character too! You never knew for sure what she would say or do next but it was pretty hard to be bored around her. She was interesting all the time. I don't think I ever heard her use the word *bored*. I don't think she knew it. I'm pretty sure she never was.

I'm also sure she wouldn't be pleased if she were to look down on us and see us crying or whining about our loss today. You all know that she didn't like cry babies or complainers much. I should know, when I was a child I was one. She had a few colorful sayings for that type of behavior. *Youknowwhat or get off the pot!*. If you don't like it then change it. Seriously, Grandma could have written Nike ads. Just do it! It was impossible to be wishy-washy around her. She simply would not stand for it.

Lord help you if you ever said the word *can't* in her presence. Actually to this, I can almost hear her reminding me that *the Lord helps them that helps themselves!*

I can honestly say that without this not-so-gentle wisdom from Grandma, I would not be who I am today. Chances are neither would any of you.

So lets not cry today. If you must shed a tear let it be a tear of joy for being so lucky to have been a part of her life. Lets celebrate her! Lets be grateful we have such a wonderful legacy in her memory. Grandma was a fireball! She was an oddity! She was freakin hilarious most of the time! She was also courageous and kind. She was smart, especially in politics and current events and plain spoken. She never pretended to be anyone she wasn't. Of all the people I've ever known, she was the most comfortable in her own skin. She was true to herself. We should all aspire to be more like her in that way. She was a practical woman. She never wasted a thing and was recycling items long before it became the *thing to do*. Waste not. Want not. She had her priorities and she lived by them. Family came first, then friends, then strangers. She never cared about any material thing. She only cared about people. Especially her people. Especially us.

She was the first one I ever heard say *Dynamite comes in small packages*. Truer words were never spoken.

We don't want to forget her people watchers because it was a really warped sense of humor that came up with that one. I swear I was afraid to misbehave because I just knew that Grandma could see us through all those magical (as she told me) eyes.

Remember the unusual knick-knacks and collectors items she called dust catchers, but couldn't part with. That's because we kept giving them to her. It was never the decorations she liked, it was having little pieces of us around that she couldn't give up.

We don't want to forget that she would help out her neighbors and welcome strangers either. She defended her family against any danger that came and never backed down from evil. She was something special. When she had a word or two to say, EF Hutton listened.

Let us remember those gentle hands that could give us a man size whoopin or an angel's hug depending upon our needs at the time. Let us remember her eyes crinkled in laughter or touching our soul in the few tears she shed. Don't you forget that stubborn chin either! When she was right she was right.

I won't forget her determination. When she couldn't drive any longer, she took up riding that adult size tricycle, despite the fact that it really was way too big for her. She was something else! If one solution didn't work, she always found another. Long before people ever said the words *failure is not an option* she was living them.

Some would say our life is less now that she is gone....not me. My life is *more* because she lived. My life is more because every lesson she ever taught me comes up again and again. She made sure I had the right answers. How can I cry about her death when I still feel her life in me? I still see evidence of her in my children. I can look around and see evidence of her existence in each of us here. When I look at my daughter, Grandma's eyes smile back at me. I still see her. I still feel the love she gave us. Its that voice in my head that tells me in very colorful ways to not give up when things get tough. When I fall I can hear Grandma snickering and telling me that my backside isn't going to do me much good sitting on the ground like that. Her invisible arms still comfort me in my sadness. Her wisdom keeps me from being too hypocritical. I hear her laughter everytime I see some really bizarre knick knack. I think of her and she lives. Actually I don't even need to think of her first, not when I can see her so plainly in your faces.

I know she lives for you too..

So I don't want to see any of you shedding too many tears.

You know Grandma didn't like crybabies.
　
Someone once wrote these words, I'm not sure who.....but I think Grandma felt this way....
　
When I come to the end of the road
And the sun has set for me
I want no rites in a gloom filled room
Why cry for a soul set free


Miss me a little - but not too long
And not with your head bowed low
Remember the love that we once shared
Miss me - but let me go


For this is a journey that we must all take
And each must go alone
It's all a part of the Master's plan
A step on the road to home


When you are lonely, and sick of heart
Go to the friends we know
And bury your sorrows in doing good deeds
Miss me - but let me go

　

Thank you.
　

Storms.

I write about this affinity I have with storms.  Right now as I wait for one I thought I would try to describe what is happening to me and what I expect to occur.

Right now there is that heaviness hanging in the air as I wait for a storm to come.  Some people hate that.  I don't....but I don't love it either.  

There is this thing between myself and big storms...its like I am absorbed into the energy that hangs in the air.  Its a physical thing that is already starting, my joints ache, my muscles tighten, my head feels pressed against, even my breathing becomes different.  Its not a painful thing, but it sort of feels like being under water a bit too long. Comfortable but a bit unnerving nonetheless.

This feels like it will be a big one, but maybe it will pass over.  Its kind of an either/or thing at this point.  Storms seem to clear up my thinking once they begin but before they come, I contemplate all the difficult things to think about.  I'm uncomfortable inside and out as I wait for the storm that will release me physically and mentally.

Often it is during a storm that sleep literally overtakes me and I sleep that dreamless trance that refreshes the soul.  When it doesn't happen like that then it is usually because I have some seriously heavy thoughts that inspire dreams, visions and night terrors, that would freak out at least half of my readers.  Unfortunately I fear tonight will be the latter.  I have some heavy thoughts going on these days.

Still better to have the dreams than to not have the storm.  The storm brings release by one form or another.  If the air just hangs heavy like this I won't be able to rest for days, because I will continue to feel the universal pressure and the mental confusion until the barometer changes.

Pray for rain.

Prolific update?

I have to start writing again. My life is better when I do. I guess I am over the emptiness now. Life is, as always, interesting for me.

Walter is doing well except that in his rush for skateboarding season he chipped his ankle and sprained it pretty bad. He's in an air cast. He'll be fine though. His IEP was today and that seems pretty hopeful. It looks as if the unanimous thought between the various educators and myself is that the kid actually does have some serious video talent and may well be able to get a job in that field eventually. YEE HAW!

Rich and Celia (and Billy) are all doing well still. Celia is going to be the matron of honor at her best friend/distant cousin's wedding soon. Now there's a girl I would never believe would ever do anything socially acceptable....Its amazing to me how normal Celia's friends seem these days. Everytime I see them I keep looking for the well hidden tatoos and missing dog collars. They grow up when you are not looking. Richard is Richard. A bit of a hermit but we talk once in a while and Celia keeps an eye on him.

My "orphan" grew up and flew the nest. I'm proud of him...but I kinda miss the kid a little too. Well I hope he does well.

Work is not getting better. I'm seriously considering a move to warmer climates. I love the job but with the reduced hours and of course take-home pay and the fact that the work load is not changing, I don't see how I can stay here. I qualify for government benefits now. The sad fact is that I am going to have to apply for them soon too. It also kills me that I can't do my job properly in the time alotted. I've quit bringing work home. I'm just not going to work for free anymore...there's nothing in it for me at this point. It was different before when I had the respect for my contribution there, but when I see people who do not have nearly the responsibility I have, nor the direct correlation to bringing in money, making sometimes twice my wage and at least one who gets entirely free health insurance.....I just can't justify giving up my life for an employer who does not appreciate or benefit my life. The people I am talking about are the people I am constantly fixing errors for. It turns out that some of the people I once thought of as enemies are friends and those I thought of as friends may not be as loyal as I once thought. Delusions and allusions. It doesn't matter which....this year is for clarity and both of those must go in my life. I've updated my skills and my resume. I'm looking for a job..... one with regular hours and benefits. Its time I grow up. There's a lot more about employment than enjoying your work. The way the economy is going, I need to look at the hard facts now. I can't afford to have fun.

Despite the ramblings of this post, I am feeling upbeat and motivated most days. I'm not depressed despite my writer's block. I'm trying to enjoy the good weather when its here and getting along well with my family. I hope all of you are enjoying life to its fullest too.

BTW... I started twittering! Let me know if you twitter so I can add you....I am stormwhispers on twitter.

Until next time.....blah blah blah

Maybe my luck is turning.....

That, Dear Readers, is my one and only photo of my grandparents together. Years ago I had many photos of my Grandma, but as many of you know, I had a terrible apartment fire where most of my photos went up in flames. It was years before I tried my hand at photography again. In fact its only been a couple of years now.

This photo means so much to me. I know those of you who have known me for a few years could probably tell stories about my grandparents yourself now. I have quoted them and written parables about the way they lived and loved so much. I've actually saved many of the emails I've received about these stories because your responses touch my heart.

I'm not sure how old they were in this photo. It doesn't matter. Can you see the love in the way they stand so close together. Grandpa is supporting her back with his arm. He always did that. If you look closely you will see that my Grandma is looking upwards at him, usually he was looking downward at her. Usually they were smiling, but they were probably just pausing before leaving when this shot was taken. It looks as if Grandpa had just opened her door for her. Just one of those common ordinary things he always did for ladies that ruined me for all other men I think.

I received this photo in my email yesterday from my cousin Janie (Freckles on Multiply). I cried when I first looked at it and I've been flooded with happy memories ever since. It was the first of many happy lucky events that make me feel as if my run of sadness and frustration may be coming to an end.

Seriously, it wasn't just the deaths of my Aunt Ethel and Grandmother. Those losses couldn't be overcome by a simple photograph but I seemed to have stopped feeling sorry for myself over them. Self pity is such an ugly thing.

 Work has been frustrating and busy. My GM has been out ill and the Front Desk Manager and I have been trying to cover all the little things she needs to manage from her sick-bed so she only needs to come out for major things. I've been doing my job ok but computers keep breaking down (we really need to replace some important ones) and to be honest, its getting harder and harder to bring them back to life. I've been getting frustrated with my coworkers because I keep having to show and tell them the same things over and over and over. I've been repairing things left and right at home too. I forgot to renew my license plate and insurance on time. Now I have to find new insurance before March 3 (I don't actually have to...but they ticked me off by trying to raise my rates!). I did actually renew my plates on time but I live in fear of getting stopped because I haven't received my sticker yet so all I have is a printed out receipt until it arrives, probably tomorrow. Then I blew out a tire yesterday on the way to work and it took all day to find someone who would put my doughnut on for me. My brother came through for me though. (My second bit of luck....He always does. Bless his widdle black heart. I'm a lucky sister.) Then the tire shops tried to rip me off wanting over $120 to put on 2 USED tires. I told them No and decided to give it a day so I didn't shoot anyone.

Today I replaced those tires for get this $35! It was supposed to be $40 when I called and I was pretty happy with that...but since I smiled so pretty he called it ladies day and knocked $5.00 off the price. Yes that included putting the dern things on too. The tires are nice too. I probably can get a year and a half off of them.

Then I went to the Supermarket and no joke, virtually everything I bought was on sale and I got a couple of free hoosier fries because I made the girl at the counter laugh. Seriously. I spent $88 but I saved over $40.

I stopped off to buy gas and the guy at the gas station gave me an extra 2 bucks free. Seriously. I asked for $10 but he set it for $12 and when I went back to pay for it, he said No no no....free to me.

Then I came home and took a nap.

As Princess of the Universe, my daughter, Cecelia used to say: "Tomorrow is gonna be a great day!"

Happy Valentine's Day

Ahhhhhh the love....the romance of it all....

To all of you lucky in love I wish you many glorious Valentine Days to come.

To all of you not-so-lucky ones, like me, I offer you a bit of solace to make your Valentine's Day the best it has ever been....

Reflections

I can't write about my Grandma and not write about myself and the other women in my family. Somehow we are one and the same. I have often written about the women in my family. We outnumber the men, I think its probably about 3 to 1 normally in our genetic history, though sometimes it seems closer to 4 to 1, my siblings are 4 to 1. I have a saying, *We don't have an x gene, we have a capital X gene.*

We women absolutely adore the men, they are a jovial bunch! They kind of have to be, a sense of humor is a must when you are surrounded by wildly passionate females. The women are all strong. At risk of insulting the men, we are the strongest gender in our family. We never give up and we are the ones who inspire or force the men to become the leaders that they usually are. Even my mildest female relative, my baby sister Rhonda, who I've often mentioned, is a handful. No one else but me would dare call her mild. We all avoid confronting each other. We know that we are formidable. Nothing is more hair raising than to watch two women in our family disagree. Personally I'd rather fight a thug from the streets.

This sisterhood is passed, it seems, down the maternal line as well. My sisters and I, despite the differences we note from time to time, are really quite alike. We have the soul and the passion of our mother and our maternal aunt. Our mother and our aunt had the soul of our grandmother, who from what I understand inherited her spirit from her mother, whom I never knew. We all may have bits and pieces of our fathers in us, they pass on beliefs and kindness to us. But the truth of it all is that without this *never say die, never give up, never give in* spirit in our female lineage, I think our family would have died out during the potato famine in Ireland. That is when another woman, down the female line, raised her numerous siblings and made it to America, her siblings in tow. The next generation of females, which include my spirited daughter Celia, are even stronger.

On the outside and to outsiders we may appear to be socially acceptable and appear to be ladies most of the time. Appearances can be deceiving and so can we. The women of our family never needed the women's liberation movement. We never needed a law to tell us that we are as good or as capable as a man or to demand and receive justice in a man's world. All we ever needed was recent family history. We usually outwardly conformed to the social rules of history while breaking numerous conventions privately. Unless we didn't care a flying uknowwhat, then we would break the rules and damn the consequences. History repeats itself alot in my family.

My Grandma skipped school one day and married a Cherokee boy. When she married him interacial marriage was illegal in some states and unacceptable everywhere, especially in her father's house. Native Americans were in the same boat that all other dark races were then. To say that my Grandpa was a wild one would be an understatement. He was huge too. He was a golden gloves boxer who stood over 6'. My Grandma was about 4'11" and small framed to boot. To say she tamed him would be a misstatement. She directed his energy though. Because of who she was, he became who he was. There was more power and intelligence in her small form than in any man he ever met, I'm sure. He was wise enough to note that. He never treated her as *the little woman*. My Grandpa was the bravest man I ever met, but he knew better. The things I remember most about their relationship are that passion and love were ever present. I don't remember ever seeing any indifference there, like I see in most couples after a time. I remember, even while I was just a young girl barely curious about sexuality, that they were very romantic towards each other. Very touchy-feely. They argued from time to time too, but even that was passionate and full of love. When they did argue, it seemed as if two sides of the same person were reflecting on the wrong that the feet had done to the hand when the body fell down. I used to love to watch them make thier morning coffee when ever I stayed there. It was like the whole thing was a choreographed dance. Grandma would take the pot apart and Grandpa would reach for the coffee. She would fill the pot with water and he would lift it out of the sink.... It was a beautiful sight. Always, when I think of what I wanted life to be like for me, that was it. To make coffee together like we were one person.

Grandma was a beautiful woman, but she didn't really care. I remember convincing her to wear more glamorous make-up in her middle 50's once. She humored me and wore it all day, but I knew she thought it was ludicrous. I thought she looked beautiful. Most of the time she wore nothing more than a little powder and lipstick. She did like jewelry, especially earings. She used to tell me I was naked without them. Its funny....she didn't care about how she looked so much, but she did want to put on a good face and maybe a little bling bling for the world to see. She was naturally a platinum blonde. She dyed her hair red for as long as I can remember. I asked her about that once. It seems that when my handsome grandfather was at his peak as a boxer he quite naturally enjoyed the attentions (without cheating in any form) of the women who flocked to him a bit too much. Grandma would, of course, get rid of those ladies in short order but she began dying her hair red to give them (probably him too) warning. I can only assume it worked. If Grandpa was admiring the ladies, I know I never saw it. Smart guy. She wasn't really jealous though, it was more of a pride thing. Those women should never have dared to approach HER husband. It wouldn't surprise me to learn she had actually kicked a few asses to tell you the truth. I think I would have. Ok truth be told, I have.

She was always about family. She loved her man, she loved her children and she loved their offspring. We never doubted her love, though there are times we questioned why. I'm not writing about the failures though. We all have them. I am writing about the woman who loved anyway, even when some of us did not deserve it. She somehow made time for each of us. We all have wonderful stories about our one on one time with Grandma. She tried to be wise, but she never spoke as eloquently as she lived. Grandpa was the talker, she was the doer. She used to make big Sunday friend chicken dinners and she would squeeze as much of her large family as possible into her tiny house. She seemed to live for the banter that went around the dinner table. I learned just as much from watching her do what needed to be done as I did listening to Grandpa speak about social issues. Her actions reflected his words. Grandma did not let important things go undone, she never let the unimportant cloud her vision. She was the essence of practicality. She paid attention to the whole picture, she didn't get stuck on the details like the dreamers in our family. Grandma pulled us all together when we were trying to pull her in different directions. She was like a lighthouse. If we felt sad or confused, we could go to her and she would busy us with tasks and we could think uninterupted. My mother has been growing more and more like her these past years. Trying to keep the warring factions at bay, trying to spank the dreamers among us back into reality. I feel kind of sorry for Mom. For having such tiny feet, Grandma left big shoes to fill. Mom is the matriarch now and the family is bigger than Grandma's, probably even wilder now. Grandma and Aunt Shirley are watching down on her I know, and will lend guidance through dreams, but my poor mother has a passionate bunch of women to guide and prepare for the next generation. It isn't easy. Not when we all have that bloodline of strong women. There's that capital X gene again for good or ill. I hope she can keep Grandma's sense of humor amidst it all. She's going to need it now.

I didn't mention my Grandma was funny did I? OMG! She was outrageous. Grandma would take us shopping at the local department store and go around sniffing toilet paper because she wanted to find the best smelling one. She would sniff loudly and pretend not to notice the other shoppers! Must be where I get the playing pranks on strangers thing. Another thing she would do at the store is let big stinkers, sometimes big loud stinkers and then loudly blame it on my siblings and me. "Tressa ANN what did YOU do?!?!" she would say as if she were disgusted and scolding me for my behavior. I would blush and get so angry and she would just chuckle all the way home until I was laughing with her even while I was praying to God none of my friends were there. I can remember her tricking me into annoying the neighbors with my off key clarinet playing by convincing me that I was so good she wanted the neighbors to know how much better her granchild was than their children and grandchildren! She did the same thing with me reading out loud. As a little girl she built up my ego so much that by the time I went in to get my tonsils out (4 years old) I had an attitude that commanded me to steal all the toys from the hospital play room. I then locked myself into the bathroom and refused to come out because I knew I deserved all those toys more than the other kids. When the nurses were finally able to restrain me (it took massive doses of sleep meds and a net over the crib they were trying to keep me in), I fell asleep ranting about how they could not do this to me and that I would tell my Grandma and she was going to be really mad because she said I looked just like Shirley Temple and was going to be a star some day. Yeah, Grandma could convince me of just about anything and she had a lot of fun doing just that.

There are lots of things I could say about her, she had the patience of a saint. She must have listened to the "Disco Duck" 100 times in a row one day because it was my favorite song at the time. She actually tried to learn to dance *the Hustle* from me. She let my friends spend the night and we painted knick knacks all day. She never told me to shut up (she whispered to mom to tell me though I am sure). She forgave almost anything. Her heart was always open for the love of her family. She wouldn't put up with shit out of any of us though. You haven't been told off until she got a hold of you. She was brave too. A year ago she tried to take on some neighborhood thugs while spending some time at my Mom's. They backed down. I bet she made them feel guilty about their own grandmothers. They probably hung their head in shame just like I did the few times she felt the need to straighten me out. She was protective of us all. I remember when I was about 13 or so, she caught my sister and me talking to boys and first she chased them off with a switch and then she chased us home with the same one. She loved that we were all such pretty girls but she thought we shouldn't trust boys. Wise woman sometimes. When she moved back to her hometown for a while I used to write her from time to time. I remember once I thought it would be funny if I corrected her spelling and grammar. Ok I was probably showing off too. I only did that once! Trust me, I was TOLD. She used to say I used $20.00 words for a $5.00 message, I think I finally understood what she meant sometime in my early 30's and I toned it down a bit. People liked me more after that.

I loved my Grandma. I wasn't good about visiting her as an adult. I will regret that forever I guess. I bet she would tell me not to worry about it though. She knew I loved her and that was enough. She was enough for me.

Breathe in, Breathe out, Move on.

My grandmother passed on yesterday. I'm still dealing with the guilt and the poor-me's. I think I'm coming to terms with it. The thing that bothers me most is that for a period of time she felt physical pain. She had gangreen. She would have died soon anyway. She was 92. Basically my family is very lucky to have had her as long as we have, still we would have greedily accepted each additional day if we could have had them.

I'll write about her more soon. She was an amazing woman. Everything is too fresh now.

Today is my birthday. I knew she wouldn't die today. She would never do that to me. I knew it would be on a plain ordinary date so as not to dredge up painful reminders year after year. She was always so considerate, never wanting a fuss to be made.

We haven't made any solid funeral or viewing arrangements yet. I'm still waiting for my parents to call with something definite. I couldn't go today anyway. I won't make the association between today and yesterday, she wouldn't have liked that and I don't want to make people feel like they need to put on thier happy birthday faces for me. No one is happy today.

Walter has been trying so hard to make me happy today. I keep trying but all I want to do is sit and stare. Most people haven't remembered and I am ok with that. If I could have changed the date I would have. I just wish I could take away the regret from my friends and family when they realize they forgot me. I wish they could just forget completely until next year.

I'm breaking up with my boyfriend too. I would have done it already but he has been angry since I decided to visit my Grandma last Saturday with my sister. (that visit is how we found out the seriousness of this situation...but thats another soap opera). He has been totally ignoring and avoiding me since then despite the fact that he knows that I was dealing with all this. Nothing in it for him to be around me when I'm sad. I thought he really cared and I was worried about hurting him. I did care for who I thought he was, even knowing he wasn't the one for me. I realize now that I was just a free meal and booty call. I helped his position at work somewhat too. He got more than he paid for. I had high hopes that I could still be friends with him, but this hurt even if I knew already that we were not going to last. I feel stupid. Used. The truth is, he was trying to keep me isolated, and I won't be trapped again.

My resolution word last year was Hope. Good word and it was good for me to concentrate on that. This year the word will be CLARITY. My life needs definition, my truths need classification, my world needs to get organized. I've gone through a lot in the past 10 years or so, its time to start understanding what all these events actually mean in my life...time to clean up some of the debris, physically and figuratively, that surrounds me.

Today, out of the blue, a man I didn't know read one of my profiles and emailed me about the following song. Jimmy Buffett wrote it after Hurricane Katrina. It sums up how I feel today. Like I always say...Sometimes God sends you angels.

I bought a cheap watch from a crazy man
Floating down canal
It doesn't use numbers or moving hands
It always just says now
Now you may be thinking that I was had
But this watch is never wrong
And If I have trouble the warranty said
Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On

And it rained, It was nothing really new
And it blew, we've seen all that before
And it poured, the Earth began to strain
Pontchartrain leaking through the door, tides at war

If a hurricane doesn't leave you dead
It will make you strong
Don't try to explain it just nod your head
Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On

[Guitar Solo]

And it rained, It was nothing really new
And it blew, seen all that before
And it poured, the Earth began to strain
Pontchartrain buried the 9th Ward to the 2nd floor

According to my watch the time is now
Past is dead and gone
Don't try to shake it just nod your head
Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On

Don't try to shake it just bow your head
Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On

I'm breathing.

Silence Deafens

There is a lot going on in my personal life these days. Its work, its the boyfriend or boyfriends... blah blah blah...., its family. Its even the "orphan" I'm trying to help. I would give my right arm some days for boredom.

My Grandma is dying. I've said it now. It doesn't make it any easier. I haven't been the best granddaughter either. I only see her a couple of times a year. She deserves better. When I was a kid she always had time for me....and for my numerous siblings and cousins.

Life just gets in the way of living sometimes. There were the jobs, the boyfriends, the family squabbles. Mostly it was me though....I didn't MAKE time for her and now she is dying.

If you have a grandmother. Call her today. Visit if you can. I don't care if you want to remember her the way she WAS. You need to see her as she is now.

Tomorrow never comes. Say what you need to say.

Come on....You know you wanna

My old Bossy (the lawyer) always sends me great emails. This one was priceless.

I think I am going to play teacher for a day.

Y'all can be my students.

Below are your new vocabulary lists. Please choose at least 3 words from each set and apply them in sentences to be turned in at the comments link.

Extra credit if you can do 5 or more.

Proper grammar counts!!!

I will *virtually kiss yer arse* if you can do 15 of them in a short story posted on your site and linked here. (seriously....I can virtually do that!!!) Best one gets reposted here and cross-linked back. Come on....I triple dog dare you!..... oh and extra points for pictures.



If you don't even try its the ruler for you!!!

Mensa Invitational
Here are the winners of this year's Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition :

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one gets extra credit if used in a paragraph.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidental ly walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.


The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4.. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7.. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Nostalgia

If auld aquaintance......

I've had a migraine since Wednesday. Seriously. Bad Bad Bad. I'm left work early. I still have not received a New Years Eve Midnight Kiss in my life. (I'm thinking this is an omen) I finally started feeling better (but still kind of tired) a couple of hours ago.

I had dropped Walter off at the College Football Hall of Fame. His Winter hang out since there isn't an enclosed skatepark anymore and laid down for a nap. When he called at 4:30 for pick-up...I woke up, feeling refreshed and singing moonshadow....Seriously....*i'm being followed by a moon shadow...moon shadow moon shadow.



In the dream I was 11 again. Snuggled up against my favorite (and missing) Aunt. Wearing my Native American braids tied with leather just like hers.... As my aunt softly strummed her folk guitar she taught me the words to this song. It was a happy song to sing when I was sad or confused. She loved me and I her. For reasons I won't share I haven't seen her since around that time. It was the most awful year of my childhood for losses....that was also the year my Grandfather passed on. The thing is, she was one of the most influential people in my life. I am sure this memory has a special meaning for me now....not really hidden either as I contemplate my recent moods....

Moon Shadow
Cat Stevens

I'm being followed by a moon shadow
moon shadow-moon shadow
leaping and hopping on a moon shadow
moon shadow-moon shadow
and if I ever lose my hands
lose my plough, lose my land
oh, if I ever lose my hands
oh, if...I won’t have to work no more
and if I ever lose my eyes
If my colours all run dry
yes, if I ever lose my eyes
oh if …I won't have to cry no more.
yes, I'm being followed by a moon shadow
moon shadow - moon shadow
leaping and hopping on a moon shadow
moon shadow - moon shadow
and if I ever lose my legs
I won't moan and I won't beg
Oh if I ever lose my legs
oh if...I won't have to walk no more
And if I ever lose my mouth
all my teeth, north and south
yes, if I ever lose my mouth
oh if...I won't have to talk..............
Did it take long to find me
I ask the faithful light
Ooh did it take long to find me
And are you going to stay the night
I'm being followed by a moon shadow
moon shadow - moon shadow
leaping and hopping on a moon shadow
moon shadow - moon shadow moon shadow -
moon shadow moon shadow - moon shadow

She had moon shadows following her....and I have mine. Its all about questioning your life. About living life with joy despite the constant need for answers and worries plaguing you. I've been thinking about running away again. I'm so good at that. Worries about my youngest child, the economy here, the changes happening at work, the crime, and being in a dead-end relationship. I don't want to be alone though. Those are my moon shadows.... Blocking the light. Still as the year I concentrate on Hope comes to a close this month I find that hope is ever present. I think I've got a real grip on it now. The dream helped but I think I would have reached sanity again....As soon as Spring came.

I'm not going anywhere. I will deal with whatever I have to deal with....

Let the light shine down.

Happy Sunday

OK...so I still haven't found time to write. I'm a busy girl!

Its been a good Christmas I think. Walter is happy with his presents and Rich and Celia came home for the holidays. Unfortunately Billy, Celia's husband had to work. He is now gainfully employed at our local mental hospital. Seriously, He and Celia should get together and write stories about their lives. I don't know people my age who have lived so much! Richard is putting his Christmas money toward a new computer system. I guess the half terrabyte system he has going now is boring him....so he is evidently going to triple his current one. At least by the time he's done rebuilding it. Good Lord that kid is geekier than I am!

Our family kept things simple and cheap this year. The economy has really hurt some of them. Not so much me, but it still has, and I am making plans for saving money for bigger things and life changing decisions, which I will get into later, when I can write in peace and privacy.

I had some amazing dreams recently. I went to sleep with problems and prayers and woke up feeling refreshed and with new and wonderful thoughts in my head.

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season....

Bah Humbug

I'm trying....really trying to find the Christmas spirit. Dammit all I am freaking spoiled. I do have a good job, great kids, a boyfriend....well for the time being....we'll get back to that.....and the family isn't hassling me. I always find the *buts* and the *exceptions*.

I haven't bought even one present yet. I did finally put the tree up a few days ago. I've been battling a cold for a month now. I'm exhausted. I can't do this all by myself and I can't find anyone I am willing to share my life with.

My two oldest kids and I are so busy that we haven't found the time to be with each other since Rhonda's wedding in August. I miss them. I am happy their lives are apparently going pretty well....but I am their mother until the ends of their days and I miss them. Both of them are 3rd shifters and I am too old to be able to stay up late enough to keep up with them. But God I miss them.

My story about the wedding did get published in the paper. Only my family noticed. I was so bummed. They gave me a whole page, front page section B to be exact....and the only people who really noticed were the ones I actually told about it. It really bummed me out. I'd told my friends and coworkers for weeks and no one actually noticed. It was even a slow news day. Everyone else gets the article posted on the bulletin board at work. It sucked not being noticed. It was a really good story, even after editing (which was done with a light hand). It was my first byline.

Walter is a contrary 15. He threatens to leave home on a regular basis until I remind him exactly what that will entail. I've spoiled him and can't seem to undo the damage completely. I have to stop myself from comparing him to his siblings. Maybe it was just that I was so much younger then. They were raised different too. I didn't have any money when they were small so they were more grateful for the things I could afford when they were teens. With Walter, he started off with a lot more money (2 parent household with good paying jobs) and ended up as a poorer teen (not that he doesn't get as much as Rich and Celia did, I only have one teen now instead of two). Lord I hope this attitude is more about his age than his personality.

Work....oh geez work....there is good and there is bad. I received another dollar an hour raise but I was promised two. I was also promised a reasonable insurance package. I was offered a package wherein I pay 75% (approximately $1200 per month cost to me). I was pissed but my GM said they were going to reevaluate the insurance package in March or late February. I was willing to wait but now I find out that some get it free... I have brought this company almost current in receivables (it was running about 60/40 in current/past 90 days accounts) and have generated almost 80 grand in 90 day or more (some as much as 2 years) past due receivables since I started this position this past July. I am constantly troubleshooting other departments, fixing computers and subbing for the front desk in addition to all that. I'm not sure I want to wait anymore. I am freaking insulted to tell you the truth. I love the job but I don't always think I am being treated fairly and I don't think I should have to threaten to quit to be treated equal to the other managers here. I am expected to act and think like a manager without the title or pay that goes with it. My GM just tells me to wait...eventually.... I've already turned down 3 offers, but now I'm thinking about looking for employment elsewhere. All I know is that if something needs doing I've been the one doing it, even if it means bringing it home. It pisses off my kid, my family and my boyfriend....I guess I am just trying to deal with it all.

I don't know about the current BF. He's smothering me. Its like my life has been taken over by his need to sit around and watch television with me by his side. I don't even watch freakin television as a rule. I miss blogging. I miss doing things on the spur of a moment with my friends. I miss being single I guess.... I like making my own rules, choosing my own channels, and doing what I want. Why does it have to be either/or all the time?  Its wierd....I didn't mind it so much when my first husband was wanting to be with me all the time.  This doesn't bode well for BF...considering I divorced the 1st husband. Of course he was way funnier....

Life is good....but I know I could make it great with a little more effort. I know I could change things if I would just remember how to be truthful. I haven't lost hope....just forgot how to voice it.

Maybe I just need a shrink....

Am I wrong? Am I wanting too much?

New Olympic Event

Kathy at the Rusty Spigot is once again providing the inspiration for this post.

THIS IS THE MOST OUTRAGEOUS GAME I'VE EVER WITNESSED!!!! (opens a post on Kathy's page)

I think I may have to post it in my sidebar permanently!

I can't wait to play it!

I really could be a CONTENDER!

Dammit Kath!!!!

Kathy at The Rusty Spigot tagged me,

I really don't know why I like that woman....

Some friend right?


Six things you may not know about me ….

Since Kathy was allowed to swear...I guess we all can too. Yeah, I know that y'all know I swear and that can't count as one of the 6 things.

The Rules …

* Link to the person who tagged you * (Kathy)

* List 6 random things about yourself

* Tag 6 new people

* Let each tagged person know by posting a comment on their blog

* Link to the 6 people you’ve tagged

* Let the person who tagged you know that you posted.

Easy Breezy…...Well except that I don't know if I can be that interesting. I tell everything!!!! Open book. No real secrets anymore....only oddities. Well.... maybe.

Here goes......

For real....

I can do this....

1.) I have no hair inside my nostrils. Seriously...well maybe one or two but I haven't seen them in years. I used to work in a leather factory as Supervisor for a newly formed Gluing Department. One of the glues had such strong fumes that it literally made my hair fall out....of my nose! It never grew back. It was quite the blessing really. I don't have any real body hair but I did have some thick nose hairs before that happened. It was a bitch plucking those babies out. Since those fumes didn't cause any other damage, I'm almost glad I was there.

2.) I am at least half white-haired (nope not grey) if I let my roots grow out. I started losing the color when I was 22, shortly after I gave birth to my daughter. Coincidence? I think not!

3.) I have always loved trains. Even as a young child I woud hurry to the window to watch everytime a train would come by. I can't stand to ride them though.

4.) I didn't become vain and egocentric. I didn't have to *learn* to spout off about my opinion. I was born that way. When I was only 4 years old I had my tonsils taken out (together with my two older sisters). Instead of slowing me down the drugs they gave me speeded me up (found out later I was hyperactive)so I stole ALL of the toys out of the playroom at the hospital and locked myself in the bathroom with them. When the nurses were finally able to get me out (I steadfastly refused to let them in because I *deserved* all the toys) they put me in a crib (I proclaimed it a jail) tied a net over the top (because I kept fighting them and trying to climb out) and I ranted and raved at them about how they could not do that to me because I looked just like Shirley Temple and was born to be a star! Evidently I ranted until I passed out a few hours later. Quite the feat for someone who just had a tonsilectomy. I was eating solid food the next day. High pain tolerance and demanding to boot. From what I understand and remember, this was pretty much how I was all the time. I'm much nicer now.

5.) I think we don't know a whole lot more than we do know about our world, our universe and ourselves. I believe we underestimate the vastness of the universe and the power of God. I also believe we overestimate our own greatness in the scheme of things. I believe in aliens who may even be among us and/or part of our own blood lines. I've seen ghosts (I won't argue the point, I only know what I know). I believe in angels. I hope to know more about life before I die. The more questions I answer the more questions I have though.... The only thing I know for certain is that there is so much I will never know.

6.) I don't smoke marijuana...or even want to, but I think it should be legalized for recreational use. One of these days I am going to blog about that.


yeah.... I'm a little strange sometimes.


I tag:


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Lisa of Better Terms

Tracy of Trace's Space

Jimmy of The Stupid Sheet

Ally of Simply Me Ally

The Divine Ms. A of Miss Alaineus Almanac

and my newest soulmate

dah ta dah....

Emma of Talking to Myself

Well I'm not going to inform anyone of this until tomorrow....but...if you read it here before I make it to your blog...go for it! meanwhile Y'all have a good night! (that's me laughing like a maniac in the background)

BOO!!!!!

Well I am very busy...but I couldn't let the day go unnoticed. Seriously I barely had time to go to the

<

<

My wonderful GM kept bugging me with her constant inquiries about the current state of affairs.....

<

The front desk wasn't keeping quiet either. It's like they expected me to know EVERYTHING!

What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
Bone appetit!
What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
"Don't spook until you're spooken to."
What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley?
I'm bone to be wild.
What do baby ghosts wear on their feet?
Boo-ties
What do ghosts put on top of an ice cream sundae?
Whipped scream.
What do ghosts serve for dessert?
I Scream.
What do witches put on their hair?
Scare spray.
What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
Hoblin Goblin.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and deady.
What do you call a monster with no neck?
The Lost Neck Monster.
What do you call a roomful of ghosts?
A bunch of boo-boos.
What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A sand witch.
What do you call dead cows that come back to life?
Zombeef.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its radius?
Pumpkin pi.
What do you give a skeleton for Valentine's Day?
Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.
What does a skeleton orders at a restaurant?
Spare ribs.
What game do ghost like to play?
Peek-a-Boo.
What goes "Ha-ha-ha . . . THUD!"
A monster laughing his head off
What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
He is mist.
What happens when a ghost haunts a theater?
The actors get stage fright.
What instrument do skeletons play?
Trom-BONE.
What is a ghost's favorite desert?
Iced Screams.
What is a witch's favorite subject in school?
Spelling.
What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
Boo boos.
What's a ghoul's favorite game?
Hide-And-Go-Shriek!
What's a haunted chicken?
A poultry-geist.
What's Dracula's favorite flavor of ice cream?
Vein-illa.
What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It's a pain in the neck.
Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
Dayscare centers.
Where do ghosts mail their letters?
At the ghost office
Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?
Because of his coffin.
Why did the ghost go into the bar?
For the boos.
Why did the vampire give his girlfriend a blood test?
To see if she was his type.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He had no guts.
Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
He had no body to dance with.
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
Why do mummies make excellent spies?
They're good at keeping things under wraps.
Why do witches fly on brooms?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy.
Why doesn't anybody like Dracula?
He has a bat temper.
Why don't mummies take vacations?
They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.
Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
They're afraid of flying off the handle!
Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
Because everyone was a goblin!
What kind of street does a ghost like best?
A dead end.
What did the papa ghost say to the baby ghost?
Fasten your sheet belt.
Who does a ghoul fall in love with?
His ghoul friend.
What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
A blood hound.
How can you tell when windows are scared?
They get shudders.

Seriously...I tried hard to be patient but eventually I became quite frustrated!

Still we did have some good conversations at work. Politics are big there. I'd say most of us are leaning toward the liberal side. I think I spoke for us all when I said

Well I probably ought to sign off now....am expecting hordes of masked terrorists at my door tonight. I will have to give them certain small packages to keep myself from danger.

But I just want to leave you with one scary thing....it is after all, Halloween....

I hope you all have a safe and a

As for me...I plan to spend a nice quiet evening at home with Mr. Wonderful....