New Olympic Event

Kathy at the Rusty Spigot is once again providing the inspiration for this post.

THIS IS THE MOST OUTRAGEOUS GAME I'VE EVER WITNESSED!!!! (opens a post on Kathy's page)

I think I may have to post it in my sidebar permanently!

I can't wait to play it!

I really could be a CONTENDER!

Dammit Kath!!!!

Kathy at The Rusty Spigot tagged me,

I really don't know why I like that woman....

Some friend right?


Six things you may not know about me ….

Since Kathy was allowed to swear...I guess we all can too. Yeah, I know that y'all know I swear and that can't count as one of the 6 things.

The Rules …

* Link to the person who tagged you * (Kathy)

* List 6 random things about yourself

* Tag 6 new people

* Let each tagged person know by posting a comment on their blog

* Link to the 6 people you’ve tagged

* Let the person who tagged you know that you posted.

Easy Breezy…...Well except that I don't know if I can be that interesting. I tell everything!!!! Open book. No real secrets anymore....only oddities. Well.... maybe.

Here goes......

For real....

I can do this....

1.) I have no hair inside my nostrils. Seriously...well maybe one or two but I haven't seen them in years. I used to work in a leather factory as Supervisor for a newly formed Gluing Department. One of the glues had such strong fumes that it literally made my hair fall out....of my nose! It never grew back. It was quite the blessing really. I don't have any real body hair but I did have some thick nose hairs before that happened. It was a bitch plucking those babies out. Since those fumes didn't cause any other damage, I'm almost glad I was there.

2.) I am at least half white-haired (nope not grey) if I let my roots grow out. I started losing the color when I was 22, shortly after I gave birth to my daughter. Coincidence? I think not!

3.) I have always loved trains. Even as a young child I woud hurry to the window to watch everytime a train would come by. I can't stand to ride them though.

4.) I didn't become vain and egocentric. I didn't have to *learn* to spout off about my opinion. I was born that way. When I was only 4 years old I had my tonsils taken out (together with my two older sisters). Instead of slowing me down the drugs they gave me speeded me up (found out later I was hyperactive)so I stole ALL of the toys out of the playroom at the hospital and locked myself in the bathroom with them. When the nurses were finally able to get me out (I steadfastly refused to let them in because I *deserved* all the toys) they put me in a crib (I proclaimed it a jail) tied a net over the top (because I kept fighting them and trying to climb out) and I ranted and raved at them about how they could not do that to me because I looked just like Shirley Temple and was born to be a star! Evidently I ranted until I passed out a few hours later. Quite the feat for someone who just had a tonsilectomy. I was eating solid food the next day. High pain tolerance and demanding to boot. From what I understand and remember, this was pretty much how I was all the time. I'm much nicer now.

5.) I think we don't know a whole lot more than we do know about our world, our universe and ourselves. I believe we underestimate the vastness of the universe and the power of God. I also believe we overestimate our own greatness in the scheme of things. I believe in aliens who may even be among us and/or part of our own blood lines. I've seen ghosts (I won't argue the point, I only know what I know). I believe in angels. I hope to know more about life before I die. The more questions I answer the more questions I have though.... The only thing I know for certain is that there is so much I will never know.

6.) I don't smoke marijuana...or even want to, but I think it should be legalized for recreational use. One of these days I am going to blog about that.


yeah.... I'm a little strange sometimes.


I tag:


<

Lisa of Better Terms

Tracy of Trace's Space

Jimmy of The Stupid Sheet

Ally of Simply Me Ally

The Divine Ms. A of Miss Alaineus Almanac

and my newest soulmate

dah ta dah....

Emma of Talking to Myself

Well I'm not going to inform anyone of this until tomorrow....but...if you read it here before I make it to your blog...go for it! meanwhile Y'all have a good night! (that's me laughing like a maniac in the background)

BOO!!!!!

Well I am very busy...but I couldn't let the day go unnoticed. Seriously I barely had time to go to the

<

<

My wonderful GM kept bugging me with her constant inquiries about the current state of affairs.....

<

The front desk wasn't keeping quiet either. It's like they expected me to know EVERYTHING!

What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
Bone appetit!
What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
"Don't spook until you're spooken to."
What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley?
I'm bone to be wild.
What do baby ghosts wear on their feet?
Boo-ties
What do ghosts put on top of an ice cream sundae?
Whipped scream.
What do ghosts serve for dessert?
I Scream.
What do witches put on their hair?
Scare spray.
What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
Hoblin Goblin.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and deady.
What do you call a monster with no neck?
The Lost Neck Monster.
What do you call a roomful of ghosts?
A bunch of boo-boos.
What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A sand witch.
What do you call dead cows that come back to life?
Zombeef.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its radius?
Pumpkin pi.
What do you give a skeleton for Valentine's Day?
Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.
What does a skeleton orders at a restaurant?
Spare ribs.
What game do ghost like to play?
Peek-a-Boo.
What goes "Ha-ha-ha . . . THUD!"
A monster laughing his head off
What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
He is mist.
What happens when a ghost haunts a theater?
The actors get stage fright.
What instrument do skeletons play?
Trom-BONE.
What is a ghost's favorite desert?
Iced Screams.
What is a witch's favorite subject in school?
Spelling.
What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
Boo boos.
What's a ghoul's favorite game?
Hide-And-Go-Shriek!
What's a haunted chicken?
A poultry-geist.
What's Dracula's favorite flavor of ice cream?
Vein-illa.
What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It's a pain in the neck.
Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
Dayscare centers.
Where do ghosts mail their letters?
At the ghost office
Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?
Because of his coffin.
Why did the ghost go into the bar?
For the boos.
Why did the vampire give his girlfriend a blood test?
To see if she was his type.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He had no guts.
Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
He had no body to dance with.
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
Why do mummies make excellent spies?
They're good at keeping things under wraps.
Why do witches fly on brooms?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy.
Why doesn't anybody like Dracula?
He has a bat temper.
Why don't mummies take vacations?
They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.
Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
They're afraid of flying off the handle!
Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
Because everyone was a goblin!
What kind of street does a ghost like best?
A dead end.
What did the papa ghost say to the baby ghost?
Fasten your sheet belt.
Who does a ghoul fall in love with?
His ghoul friend.
What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
A blood hound.
How can you tell when windows are scared?
They get shudders.

Seriously...I tried hard to be patient but eventually I became quite frustrated!

Still we did have some good conversations at work. Politics are big there. I'd say most of us are leaning toward the liberal side. I think I spoke for us all when I said

Well I probably ought to sign off now....am expecting hordes of masked terrorists at my door tonight. I will have to give them certain small packages to keep myself from danger.

But I just want to leave you with one scary thing....it is after all, Halloween....

I hope you all have a safe and a

As for me...I plan to spend a nice quiet evening at home with Mr. Wonderful....

Its been a loooooooong Day!

Ok... Its a good thing I drank all that cappuccino.

The FD was short handed today. I had to cover there. It was a mad house. Almost 150 check-outs and then a wedding party checking in. There were also other events we were hosting but not rooming. Only one person was scheduled. Even if the usual 2 people were scheduled I would have needed to help out. Then the phones were going spastic. Then there were problems with some of the guests wanting to change their room types after the reservations had already been filled. We couldn't do it. I had a couple of really bad calls. Not all of them were assholes AND idiots but one was.

This guy called me for directions during the height of early a.m. check-outs. I was doing my best to assist him while simultaneously checking out guests (which was already rude, but he REFUSED to hold for a minute). He wanted to know how to come here from Chicago without using the toll road.

"Sir I don't travel much, I only know the toll road route"

"You shouldn't work in a hotel if you don't travel!!!!!!!!!" (the guy was shouting)

"I'm sorry Sir, I'm actually an accountant, I am just assisting the front desk for a moment" (I'm thinking you don't have to be dead to work in a morgue) "If you'd like, I can have the valet-driver call you when he gets back"

"YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOUR DRIVER IS NOT THERE!!!!!"

"I'm sorry Sir" (I'm thinking our driver is DRIVING and that this is a hotel not mapquest)

"I want to talk to your manager!!!!" (its barely 8 a.m., management doesn't come in until 9 a.m. just like most businesses, I was early today).

"I'm sorry Sir, but my manager is unavailable right now, however she will be available later this morning"

"YOU AREN'T ANY HELP AT ALL!!!! FINE I WILL TAKE THE TOLL
ROAD. WHICH EXIT?!?!"

"Just a moment Sir, I want to verify that" (I didn't want to send him down the wrong exit since I've never driven from Chicago to here....he already knew I didn't travel)

"JESUS CHRIST...YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW!!!!!! I want YOUR name and the name of your Manager!!!! (I could hear him whipping around traffic, the man was driving, bitching me out on the phone, obviously had NO idea of where he was going and now he was taking notes....and he is acting like I am stupid?)

"It is either 77 or 78, I just want to be sure I give you the right one Sir. My name is TRESSA (spelled it at his request) and my manager is _________."(Her name didn't need spelled because it is common.)

"What is your LAST name???" (as if I was holding out on some big secret)

"Well , Sir, my last name is Bailey" (I spelled it in case he was even dumber than I thought), "but my first name will be all that is needed, I am the only person with that name here." (as far as I know the only other person within a hundred miles of me with that name is dead. I was named after her).

"I just don't want there to be any mistakes" (oh yeah....he was a real M-F-er... this one)

"One moment Sir, let me verify that exit. (I ask my very busy co-worker which one while he is busily huffing and puffing into the phone so I will know how irritated he is.) "77 Sir"

"FINE. and THEN WHAT?!?!"

"I don't understand Sir, what do you mean by then what?" (I don't know if he wants further directions or instructions as to how to check into our hotel).

"WHICH WAY DO I GO AFTER I LEAVE THE EXIT!?!?!?!?!" (the man is LOOKING for a heart-attack) He didn't need to get all "huffy" about it.

Well of course I know there is only one way he can go without breaking any traffic laws, I know where I wished he would go... I'm trying to come up with the best way to make him feel like less of an idiot than telling him this and that you can see the city from exit. We are the tallest building in town, you can see us from there. I paused just a moment too long, I think, thinking about how to put this into words without offending him....I could hear him huffing and puffing again.

"CAN I speak to a manager?!?"

"I'm sorry sir, but our offices open at 9:00, you can speak with my colleague though, if you wish."

"Let me talk to her then, AT LEAST SHE KNOWS WHICH EXIT!"

"I'll have to put you on hold for just a moment Sir." He was grumbling about stupid bitches as I placed him on hold. My coworker did not appreciate me passing the buck, but she was MOD. She took the call.

He was just as mean and rude to her. I don't think she had to spell her name out though.

She ended the conversation (after she had, even more painstakingly than I, explained how to get here from there....and she travels a lot!...the guy was an idiot) with 'Thank you for choosing our hotel, Sir! I certainly hope you enjoy your stay. We look forward to having you here!"

I knew she meant every word of it.

NOT!!!! (but the girl deserves an Academy Award!)

THANK GOD I HAVE THE WEEKENDS OFF.

All day at work it was stuff like this, not as bad....but stupid stuff all day long. I ended up bringing work home just so I could get the heck out of there after another long day (9 hours..most of them on my feet).

So now I don't even feel like going to the grocery store. I managed to keep my spirits up all the way home. I just know though, that something bad is going to happen...something stupid, like my pocket will get picked, if I leave this house. Looks like its going to be grilled cheese for dinner!

Thank God tomorrow is a brand new day.

I need another cappuccino.

I feeeeeeeeel goooooooood

I seem to be kicking the flu. Yeah! Fastest flu I ever had! Its like it was more hyperactive than me.

I went to work yesterday and not a day too soon. The cappuccino effect is working. I was soooooo effective and sooooo smart. I almost broke my arm patting myself on the back for my remarkable efficiency! I only brough home a satchel and a briefcase full of work, which I completed all but one file of. I would have gotten that done too,but the BF was hassling me to spend some time and I also needed to clean my house up some. I also did two loads of laundry....Well sorta. It still needs folding.

I am feeling on top of my game.

I am WundaClerk and SuperMom!

Gawd I love caffeine.

I even bought myself a container of general foods Belgian Cafe to keep the buzz going today (oh yeah, I also stopped by the store after I worked 9 hours).

Tonight I need to go to the grocery store for real (seriously you would think we were bachelors in this house). Then I plan a relaxing evening with the BF,,,,as usual glued to the tv.. (this is getting old).

This weekend we are to begin winterizing the house. Starting with plastic on the windows. We are also going to go pick up my furniture (yeah I finally bought some), build a table and assemble a couple of desks. He is really great to be helping me with this stuff. I probably should be nicer about his tv addiction..

Well time to get ready for work...I have just 20 minutes to do it, but hey.....it aint no freaking fashion show.

Happy Friday everyone!

Turbo Flu

I do not feel well...not well at all.

I think I have what I will call TURBO-FLU.

It started on Sunday. I didn't recognise the leg cramps as flu at first. Thought I was just a little tired and my legs were out of shape. I was doing some serious walking that day. Monday I knew I was ill. I hurt all over. ALL OVER. Seriously.... even my buttocks ached. If there was a muscle it was in pain. By afternoon I was so cold I could barely keep working without putting my coat on. I also had a really upset stomach. I forced myself to eat a bagel for breakfast (anyone who knows me...knows that if I'm not eating, its really really bad). At lunch I forced down a cup of broccoli soup and some toast. That's when the constant belching began. It was my stomache's revenge for eating. I shorted myself an hour at work and came home. I pretty much collapsed when I walked in the door here at home. The BF came by with an electric blanket and watched me shiver in it. He knew better than to act like he felt sorry for me. By 7:00 I had to shut the electric heat down because I was fading fast. At 8:00 BF left. I was getting pretty cranky and it was a good move on his part. By 9:00 I was snoring and freezing coughing and sneezing (unintentional rhyme).

It was a restless night, spent shivering then sweating then shivering then sweating in between sniffling and hacking up bits of my lungs....you get the idea.

I didn't even drag my but out of bed today until 10ish. Well except to call in. All I managed to feed myself has been an omelet at 1. At least the sneezing and coughing had tapered down to sore throat and sniffles. I've been freezing all day even though I am overdressed and the house is warm. I went to bed at 10pm, but now I am up because for the last hour the little bit I've eaten has been leaving my body in a very unpleasant and hurried fashion. I now have a 100 degree fever and chills.

This is not good.

I don't think I will be able to work tomorrow if this keeps up. I don't remember ever missing 2 days of work in a row in the last 5 years due to illness (not including surgery). I hope the Hell I can make it to the office at some point. I have a feeling that I am on the mend finally since there is nothing left in me to germinate now....but I still feel really awful and I look even worse.

My skin is dry and pasty. My nose is all red and swollen and I haven't brushed my hair since yesterday.

I look deader than I feel though.

It feels like a flu but the symptoms are going too fast. If it is a flu its the fastest one I've ever had.

I thought it could be food poisoning for a minute, like maybe I bought some old deli meat or something but I'm eating the same stuff everyone else is. I'm the only one sick.

I'm grateful. I sure couldn't take care of anyone else right now.

Y'know I hate to say it...but right now....I want my Mommy....

Any Meme will do.....NOT

Its been ages since I actually did a meme....the last one was on AOL to give you an idea...probably a year or so before I left too....

I stole this one from Kathy at the Rusty Spigot.

70 THINGS YOU PROBABLY DON’T KNOW ABOUT ME

1. DO YOU SNORE? - Apparently I do....but I can't hear myself so its alright.

2. ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER? - A bit of both....sometimes I love to fight and sometimes I fight to love.

3. WHAT’S YOUR WORST FEAR? - I have to agree with Kathy on this one....something happening to my children or someone I love, take those out of the equation and its being unable to breathe.

4. AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC? - When I was a kid?!?!?....I still play with Walter's from time to time....great stress reliever! :::I dont wanna grow up...I'm a toys r us kid....::::

5. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF “REALITY” TV?- Its unreal!....I prefer real life.

6. DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS? -Yup....and on pencils....fingers (but not nails) and various other small objects. I keep trying to stop but I never do.

7. WERE YOU A CUTE BABY? - Absolutely adorable, I was tiny (3lbs 9 oz) had long black curls all the way down my neck and long curling lashes. My skin was a golden tan color and no one could resist me!

8. IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU? - Apparently it is.... Seems to be the only way I have been happy.

9. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD? - It is black with white lettering. Black is the new Beige!

10. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER? - I don't sing at all. I believe there is a County ordinance against it.

11. HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED? - No....but I would have if I had not had children when it was popular. BK (before kids) I was quite the daredevil and would have done it in a heartbeat. Now I think I have a responsibility to go on living until they no longer need me to tell them what to do. LOL

12. ANY SECRET TALENTS? - Before I got dentures I could put my whole fist in my mouth. I can wiggle my ears and nostrils still. I can touch my toes to the floor behind my head while laying on my back. I know all the words to some pretty funny poetry too.

13. WHAT’S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT? - I've always wanted to visit Scotland, Ireland and France. My foreign ancestors' homelands.

14. IS JAY LENO FUNNY? - He used to be....before the Tonight Show.

15. CAN YOU SWIM? - No....I'm phobic.

16. HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE “DONNIE DARKO”? - No but I'd love to meet Donnie Osmond....guess that would be "Donnie Light".

17. DO YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE OZONE? - Absolutely. I try my best not to make that hole any bigger, I drive an econo vehicle, walk when appropriate, and I seldom use aerosols.

18. HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE POP? - Who licks? I just suck on it until it softens a bit and bite right into it (at least I did before dentures).

19. CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS? - You don't want me to sing....Bad things happen when I sing....really... I can, however say it quite easily....must be all that filing I do.

20. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE? - Nope....but I wish I had somewhere I needed to fly to everytime I see a big jet in the sky.

21. ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD? - Nope.... I am the middle child. 2 older sisters and a younger sister and brother. My natural father also adopted 2 younger boys, but I've barely seen them since he passed on.

22. DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL SHARPENER? Manual.... It reminds me of how much I loved school as a child. I love the smell of the painted wood peeling and the soft hum as it scrapes off the lead into a point... I could wax poetic on pencils and pencil sharpeners....

23. WHAT’S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING? - I'm for it if you are talking hunting like the Native Americans do it....NO WASTE. That means you only kill what you will use and you use every part of that animal and you give thanks to the creator for it. There should be a certain regret involved.... Its hard to explain. Hunting for sport....BARBARIC. I don't hunt though.

24. IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE? - Its surely been in my past!!! I don't know if I could do it again.... I've written fairly intensly on this subject in my other blog.

25. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? - If I write slow and have the time to do it right (or should that be write), I can do a fair to middling job of it....Mostly though its legible but not pretty. I write too much and have damaged my hands too much to worry about pretty all the time.

26. WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO? - Most of the stuff that grows...roses, lots of flowers actually, cut grass. Some detergents, colognes and soaps will trigger terrible rashes. I can eat just about anything though.

27. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, “I LOVE YOU? – Few minutes ago. I try to say it often and everytime I see someone I love. People can die and not know how loved they were otherwise.

28. IS ELVIS STILL ALIVE? - If he was....that would really rock!

29. DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS? - No.... I pray.

30. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS? - With bacon, sausage, fried potatoes and rye toast.

31. ARE BLONDES DUMB? - yep.... brunettes, redheads and bald people too! They are everywhere......

32. WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP? - On my other foot. I usually don't lose them. I think my dryer fears me.

33. WHAT TIME IS IT? - 7:40 p.m.

34. DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME? - Lots of them..... Ditcy, Mama, Mom, Tess, Baby, there are others.....but I'm not telling.

35. IS MCDONALD’S DISGUSTING? - Only if you read the ingredients.

36. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR? – Yesterday.

37.DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS? - Showers.... I just know my dirt is circling around me in the bath....ready to land on whatever part of me it can when I get out. It doesn't want to die.

38. IS SANTA CLAUS REAL? - Call me Virginia.....

39. DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED? I prefer nibbled (and even bitten on the back). A kiss will do though.

40. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK? I'm afraid to be alone in the dark.....

41. WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO? Cigarrettes, caffeine, love....

42. CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER? - Creamy...my Mom used to make smiley faces in it. Smiley faces in crunchy would look like your sandwich had acne and that is just tooooo gross.

43. CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK? - Why would I want to crack my neck? I need it to hold up my brains.

44. HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE? Nope. I hope I never do.

45. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY? - 4 times.

46. IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE? -Yes, but I still think marijuana should be legal if alcohol and cigarrettes are. It should be taxed and regulated....but definitely legal. Not to mention the comfort it can bring to those taking chemotherapy!

47. ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER? - Like a stone usually....but I have nightmares that I can't wake up from.

48. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES? - Bullshit Brown.

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE? - Actually... I think I do. It sure beats the alternative.

51. WHOSE IS BETTER? - I'd love to be a 4 year old with my whole life ahead of me....but I truly believe that all of us live the best life we can and every life has its own ups, downs and crosses to bear.

52. ARE YOU PSYCHIC? – Yes, I think we all are to a certain extent. I think its normal and that eventually science will discover the other senses that make our brain able to unconsiously decipher information that we are not even aware we are receiving. I don't think its actually supernatural though.

53. HAVE YOU READ “CATCHER IN THE RYE”? - Only 4 or 5 times. I think I am due to pick it up again.

54. DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS? - Used to be 1st seat clarinet in grade school. I can't remember a note now.

55. HAVE U EVER STOLEN MONEY? - If I did, I was a child, and I was so honest, even then, that I probably told on myself.

56. CAN YOU SNOWBOARD? - No.... I'm afraid I am not really graceful.

57. DO YOU LIKE CAMPING? - Used to love it. Haven't been camping in years though.

58. DO U SNORT WHEN U LAUGH? - More likely to cough...but yeah, I've been known to giggle up my nose a time or two.

59. DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC? - Absolutely.

60. ARE DOGS A MAN’S BEST FRIEND? - Maybe not the best friend.... I'd like to think that Woman is....but guess that depends on the man.

61. YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE? - 3 times.....and I still don't believe in it.

62. CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK? - Damn straight!

63. DO YOU MAKE A LOT OF MISTAKES? - I've had 3 divorces.....what do you think? I do learn from mistakes though....

64. IS IT COLD OUTSIDE TODAY? - Kinda chilly....but this is the midwest and its almost November. I expect stuff like that.

65. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? - Omelet this morning....Not feeling real hungry because I have a flu or something.

66. DO YOU WEAR NAIL POLISH? - Sometimes.... I used to wear it all the time. I can't seem to find the time to put it on now.

67. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN KISSED? - And how!

68. WHAT’S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL? - The Geiko Caveman.... I loved him at first....Now I am sicker of him than I am my 2nd husband.

69. DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE? - Huh? Not one here I guess....Never heard of it.

70. FAVORITE BAND AT THE MOMENT? - Pussycat dolls.... I am ashamed to admit that I just love *When I grow up* I think it was the line *When I grow up I wanna have boobies* Oh yeah....that was me, I used to think I would get them someday but then my little sister passed me up.... I guess I am cursed to be *average* in a family of DD's!

I'm sick today

That stupid flu is going around work again. I took the day off.....I was too cold to go to work. Seriously.

I can take the coughing. I'm not really sneezing too much...more of a runny nose thing. I can let voice mail take my calls and thus avoid using my scratchy voice. I can still spell fairly well with this killer headache. The body aches and cramping just spur me on to a good fight...but the cold and chills....

I'm whipped.

Still shivering in a tshirt, long sleeved shirt, sweatshirt, yoga pants, sweat pants, 2 pair of socks and a full head of hair. Even under the electric blanket turned on high.

Its about 40 or 50 outside. I know its not really cold. Probably 75 in the house.

I can't stand it. I'm going to work tomorrow....sick or not. I am cleaning out my cappuccino maker as I type. I have determined that is what is missing from my health care regime. I figure that even if it doesn't actually prevent illness or heal it, a couple cups of cappuccino makes me feel as if I am capable of beating it. I need more caffeine in my life.

Its on its 3rd vinegar round. Its been sitting on the shelf for a while.

I bought it way back when Walter was a baby and I was going to school (hey maybe that is how I handled going to 2 schools, having a baby, raising two young children starting a career, divorcing and 2 deaths all in 2 years?????hmmmm? coincidence? No I think not!) I put it up on a shelve about a year ago. Got some bug in me that no one drinks it anymore but me (my cappuccino drinking teens had grown up). Me is good enough reason to have it back on the counter I think.

Yep...I'm gonna take 2 cups of cappuccino and maybe I'll be ready for work in the morning.

Working through work

Work has been extremely busy for me lately. I bring work home every night even if I don't get it all done. Every little bit helps. Finally there is more order than chaos around my desk. It feels good. I like to pretend that I am not ambitious. Sometimes I fool myself a little bit. The truth is though, that I am one of the most ambitious people I know. Lately I am bordering on being a work-a-holic. There is a method to my madness, and a light at the end of the tunnel.



There are days that I hate to come in and long for some brainless way to earn a buck. 99% of the time I love it. I love the hotel. Mostly I like the people I work with and the way they work, although there are a few that need an attitude check. Right now I am stressing because I am trying to learn at the rate I did in High School while still working and raising a family. I can do it though. I keep reminding myself how well I did my last time as an adult in a learning environment and it gives me the confidence to keep hacking away at it.



My goal is to have a working knowledge of every position we employ at the hotel. I'm even trying to get a feel for the maintenance/engineering and housekeeping departments. I want to understand everyone else's job so I can be more useful.



Two of the skills that have been really useful to me in my entire working life are my ability to observe without being observed and my ability to spot an error/oddity. Almost every position I've ever had has required these trouble-shooting and analysis skills. Most people think I get ahead of my peers because people just like me. I have fairly good communication and social skills. Those help, but without my trouble-shooting and analysis, there'd be nothing to communicate about and I would be just another joking co-worker. Some think its my IQ, they believe that I am smarter than they are. Occassionally its true, but mostly its not. The truth is, I am just more willing to learn new things and its backed up with the experience of my careers. It seems to me that the older people get, the less likely it is that they are willing to learn. There are a lot of geniuses working at McDonalds. I know several people with degrees that don't have the job responsibilities or pay that I now enjoy. I know a lot of younger people that seem older than me.

Lots of job coaches like to use the phrase "work smarter not harder" if you want to get ahead. Frankly I think a person needs to work smarter and harder if they wish to advance in any business. Those same people like to say that "showing up" is 99% of success. I don't believe that either. I know a lot of people who show-up for the same job, day in and day out....for years and years. It takes a lot more than showing up to get ahead. A person needs to enlarge their position to move up the ladder these days, to do more than is asked of him/her. I like to anticipate the needs of my General Manager. The truth is, my real job description is to make her look good. If I'm not making her look good by the quality and level of work I do, then why should she want to give me a bigger chance to make her look inept and lazy? My job is to make her job easier.

So I am working my butt off through these promotions. Earning trust and responsibility as well as wages. She tells me what she expects and I try to excel and increase it. Then she gives me more. More authority, more responsibility, more wages, more power (both personal and professional).

People tell me I am going to work myself right out of a job. That is the goal. Everytime I do that I get a better one in return.

No I don't intend to work like this forever. However I do intend to always excel and to always exceed. Right now I am climbing the ladder. Eventually I will find my rung and rest on it. That time is coming. That is the light at the end of the tunnel.

Our hotel and office building has been up for sale. One of these days someone will buy it. I hope to keep my position. Still the truth is, often enough when a business is purchased they like to bring in their own management team. That is fine with me too. The skills and experiences I am having now will make my resume positively obese. I won't have a problem getting another, maybe even better position. The bottom line is the bottom line after all. Every business likes to have employees like me. They want more for their money....same as I do.

Ask A Streetwalker

There is a new local magazine here in Michiana. Its called Michiana Entertainer (occasionally it has a website called, interesting enough Michianaentertainer.com, but it isn't always up). I don't know.... I started leafing through it and to tell you the truth I was kind of mesmerized in that awful kind of way you are when you see a kid peeing in the parking lot.

What follows, verbatim, is a column, evidently a regular column, written tongue-in-cheek by a local Streetwalker. Not a classy call-girl. I only wish I could link to the site (which is down again). This woman has to be the homeliest streetwalker I've ever seen (and I have seen quite a few in the years I worked for the defense lawyers). She's real though. I've seen her around.

ASK A STREETWALKER...
About responsible sexuality.
By Gavin White

HOOKER: Tina Gropp

AGE: 52

PIMP: Phineas "Milk Money" Walker

NICKNAME: A.T.M.

TASTES LIKE: an old tennis ball at the dog park

Jody a H.S. Counselor from Niles asks:
Do you think birth control pills would be more effective if women took more time to read the directions and then followed them word for word?

SW: Bitch, are you crazy?!? You got any idea what my pimp would do to me if he caught me trying to read?!? Shit, he'd choke me so hard, my tongue stud would pop outta my mouth.

_______________________________________________________

Philip, an engineer from Elkhart asks:
Doesn't it make you sick when pregnant teenagers ignore their responsibilities and continue to live their lives like nothing happened?

SW: What?! Are you gonna tell me my great granddaughter, Diamonique, can't go to a rave just because she's seven months pregnant with twins?!? Shit, as long as she ain't driving, I don't see nothing wrong with it!

________________________________________________________

Rachel, an office manager from South Bend
asks: My boyfriend and I have always been careful, but last month we had a really bad pregnancy scare. What are we doing wrong?

SW: I only got one thing to say to that: There ain't no such thing as "butt babies," honey.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok...I admit it. I laughed like crazy over this until it occurred to me that I picked this up at a regular coffee shop. Its free. Any kid can get this magazine.

Now I realize that mostly teens would be the ones grabbing it. I realize they probably make jokes like this between themselves.

I was a bad-ass teen myself once....

Still it somehow bothers me that they can get this type of magazine.

Its like sex....yeah some of them are doing it before they get out of High School. I still don't think they should be able to rent X rated movies.

10 minute time capsule

I have 10 minutes to write.

Today has been hectic. I'm working a lot trying to get my office to run smoothly. Yeah it wasn't in standardized format before...but I'm working on it...working on it.

End of Quarter so there was a lot to do today just in accounting. I also have to create some new forms and a bunch of filing (which I brought home together with several alpha sorters) I measured the stack of paper I have to sort through....nearly a foot high. That is what I will begin in 10 minutes. I'll be working until midnight again....that is after the 10 hours I did today.

I gave Dizzy her bath. She seems much happier now... Baths do not please her though, so she is a little miffed at me...giving me those crazy dirty looks of hers. I prefer her smiles.

The camera seems to have started working again all on its own. I suspect my son got some moisture in the battery casing and now its dried out. Yay! Photos of the DAWG soon. Maybe even a movie.

BF has been truly supportive but I turned down his offer of help tonight (yep he was even willing to wash my dog and help with housework). I worked too late and I knew he had to be in at 7 am. I can't believe I was so unselfish. I really need a hand right now.

I haven't finished my story for the tribune yet. I'm hoping tomorrow. I'll probably post it in Blessed are the Meek since I've already posted a similar story here.

Walter broke up with his GF (that was a sigh of relief you heard). She cheated on him. He's not having much luck with fidelity. What the hell is wrong with kids these days? He's taking it well.

Still bummed about politics.

Ate too much junk food and now my tummy hurts.

::::Sigh::: 10 minutes goes fast.

Later....

Another lazy Monday

I am the procrastination Queen.



I have a messy house.



My dog still needs a bath.



I didn't do any of the work I brought home from work to do.



All this means I am going to have to get up at some ungodly hour.



I wasn't really lazy today though. It has recently come to my attention that I really am 46 years old and I am living like a 36 year old. Yeah ten years makes a difference. I am a single mother of a teen-ager beginning a new career while struggling to have a personal (romantic) life. Yep....some days I am just to friggin old for this!



I find I actually need 6 hours of sleep to function well. 4 hours to function at all. Last night I think I had 3.



Weird political thoughts going through my head (no I am not expounding on them....).



I used up all the synapses I had in reserve today. I actually had to solve problems instead of the rote work that Monday usually involves....which means....tomorrow I have to make up for what I didn't get today and do double duty with whatever comes in the mail to me.....which is a double load because we didn't get mail today.



My dog finally took a liking to her leashed walk....GEEZ....she walked me up the block....she walked me down the block....she walked me up....she walked me down.....then we walked around and around and around the back yard. Then she wanted to play.



I'm goin to bed.........



Lord if Palin shows her plastic face in my dreams tonight....I am gonna bitch slap her!

This and That

I had a new commenter on my blog, like always I checked out her web site.... Miss Alaineus alemanac. Its some hilarious ranting!!! Check it out. I loved her profile too.

I like this new follower thing on blogger. Maybe it isn't new to y'all but I've been MIA for a while so I am just getting started on it. So now I am going to go blog to blog and start adding everyone that way and maybe do away with that sidebar list eventually, especially since aol is giving up the ship.

I've remained appalled all weekend about the deficit. I think I have another editorial coming.

ND lost. I hate when they lose. Its not that I am such a big football follower or fan. I like it, but its not my life. What no one realizes is that when a city like South Bend, is built completely around a College like Notre Dame.... one bad season (like last year's) affects our economy in a dangerous way. People lose jobs, they move or quit spending, then there are less dollars going out and more people lose jobs....etc. etc..... We depend way too much on Notre Dame football around here and the college as a whole. We need to become more like other cities. Develop something more than a tourist trade, like our neighboring city, Elkhart, did with RV manufacturing.

Yeah, I'm starting to become interested in our local political scene.

I think I might have to join some associations or something.

Everywhere I look I remember what it was like when I was growing up here. I remember walking the streets unafraid in the so called worst neighborhoods in the middle of the night.

I remember the school actually working with my parents to help keep me on track.

I don't remember any of the stupid rules they now have in effect to curb the individuality of young people.

I remember active parks and recreation.

I remember the library being a welcoming venue for children.

I remember policemen who knew my name.

Our city tax percentage was not nearly as high as it is now. County tax didnt' exist.

I want to know what happened. Why it happened and What we can do to make it go back to how it was.

One of these days I hope to have grandchildren raised here. I want them to live in my world....not the one that is scaring us all so much now.

Celia has a job. The pay is too low but the opportunities for advancement and more pay are there. I feel bad for young adults these days. When I was her age I was given multiple opportunities to advance within companies. (Mostly I blew them). If I said I could do something that was enough, I didn't need numerous degrees in nose blowing or carpet picking. I was given the chance to prove myself. In addition to Celia's high-school training, she worked with me in the office often. She was taught and did very well at all things administrative. She understands scheduling, purchasing, document preparation, etc. etc... Because of the state of our schools here, no one wants to hire public school graduates for anything where real skill is required. It seems unfair. Her parents could not afford private school so I supplimented her education with my own version of home-school. I brought her to work with me often. I even taught her how to build a computer from scratch. Unfortunately I cannot give her a certificate or degree. She's luckier than some though. She has a job that will finally allow her to prove herself and her abilities. Not all these young adults even get that. I worry a little for my daughter, but not much. Her employers are getting a steal. If they are smart they will realize her value pretty quickly.

I haven't talked with my oldest son this weekend yet. I hope to soon though. He's still a bit of a hermit but he does make time for me when I call him. He's a good son, just kind of a loner.

Walter's love life is a soap opera. I have my misgivings about this girl, though she seems nice enough...I just don't know. She's stirring up his emotions and I worry. I try to give him perspective on it every chance he gives me. I tell him gently that some people break up and never get back together but sometimes over doesn't mean over (my brother married the woman he started dating at 14 years old and they are still together, though high-school found them splitting up a time or two). I don't want him to be crushed if (when) this girl breaks it off. I want him to have some hope until some other girl can help him forget.

The BF has been here most of the weekend. He does my BBQs for me. The guy can sleep in the oddest spots. Last night he fell asleep in the lawn chair while slow grilling the pork shops outside. Cracks me up. I am never able to relax that much. Its impressive. He also programmed the universal remote for the television. I fail to understand why I can't figure out remotes. I can tear apart a regular computer, reload it and make it bionic but a remote control just pisses me off. I don't have that kind of patience.

My dog was brilliant but now she has been having attacks of stupidity. She seems to have forgotten all about being housebroken. I have to shampoo the carpet AGAIN. Not the whole thing but her fave areas. She still has fetch, sit pretty, go lay down and gimme a kiss down so at least she's still cute. I know I shouldn't complain, she is only 4 months old, well not quite, but still.....She's not real bad at chewing things. She mostly sticks to her toys so that is good. She has a toybox that would rival some two-year old babies though. The BF is going to flea treat my yard today. I have to give Dizzy another flea bath already (gave her one a week ago). We flea bombed the house so the things don't live long once she is inside but I can't keep her inside all the time and she gets them whenever we go outside. So here we go again.\

The BF says he likes salisbury steak. We were talking about favorite foods. BUT he has never had real salisbury steak. Only those frozen dinner types. He is in for a treat. I am making salsibury steak tonight. I make it really good too. If I could write a recipe I would give it to y'all. Basically though the trick is you make meatloaf...the kind where you use bread crumbs not the oatmeal or rice types and only use good grade hamburger, like 90% lean (I like to add finely chopped onions and sometimes green pepper, to mine as well). You make them into small hand sized loafs (about 1/4 each) and bake them at 350 for about a half hour or 45 minutes in a large sheet pan (with sides). Then you use the actual pan dripping grease (no this is not low cal....its southern) as your gravy base. You seriously brown (not golden....nope toast it) the flour in this grease in a large heavy skillet and use 1/2 heated milk and 1/2 hot water to liquify it. Use lots of pepper and for goodness sake...don't make it thin. This is hearty food for hearty men. Serve it with lumpy mashed potatoes (nope instant just won't do) and a dark green vegetable. I am also serving sauted portabellos. He's been working hard for me, he's earned those portabellos!

and that is my weekend in review.

My week in review.....ramblings....

I'm not writing as much as I intend to. Hopefully I will be able to get into a daily routine again soon.... You remember, like way back when AOL first opened the blogportals to people like me and many of you...(Rest in peace AOL Journals). Storms Whisper and Oceans Scream was the original title. I just got tired of screaming and made a somewhat gentler version here after all my bitching and moaning about the ads on aol made no difference at all. Sometimes ads have still made an appearance here and there on my site as I tried google adwords (and etc.) but I just wasn't that interested in making a profit on my writing or in writing about subjects that would stir up readership. I have always written to share my heart with others. I write for the love of it. From time to time I have a thought that slips out of my head, or a cause I want to push....but mostly it is about making the world, my world, into a bigger place in a smaller space. More love, more people, no travel.

I keep saying I'm going to quit being so personal....the whole problem is that writing is personal to me.

These are not essays, they are letters. My oversized ego thinks that if St. Paul could have reached out in this way we'd have a book in the bible called Blogosphere, placed ever so diplomatically between II Corinthians and Ephesians....... Full of encouragement in the face of phishing and dire warnings not to get involved in cyber-sex. (side bar into a small wondering....what would Paul have thought of the internet???????........)

Maybe I'm not Paul but I think in my own way, I feel, and I am sure most of you feel, the need to reach out to others nearly as greatly as he did. Maybe we don't have to introduce God into the lives of others....but I kind of think we are here for the purpose of showing that people are still good...at least most of us are. That is important today. In the news all we hear about is corruption, actions that defile humanity and selfish actions.... Here we all take the time to reach out and share ourselves and our normal lives.

So end of that ramble and onto the next one....my normal & sometimes odd life....

This week has kept me wakeful more often than not....averaging about 4 hours of sleep a night. Bringing work home, worrying about various deadlines. There are big changes about to happen where I work and some that already have. Restructuring, rebuilding. I am not worried about job security and feel that the upcoming changes will be good for me. Many of the job descriptions will change and so will our positions. I know that I am going to have some added and removed job responsibilities. I can't say much else in this public forum. I know some of the plan. While I am not happy about every detail, those are not my decisions to make. Overall I think that the hotel is once again going to be 1st choice in the area. Maybe we will even gain a star or two. No one noticed the management watching us, detailing our skills and natural abilities. We are going to fit our newly rewritten job descriptions better than I've ever had in any previous employment.

I remember when our GM first came into the picture. Nobody liked the removal of casual uniforms and appearance. Being told to straighten our posture!!!! Did she think she was our mother? (well more like my big sister, but I work with a lot of young people). Yes, she did. I took a front desk job so I could goof-off. When she came into the picture, she reread all our resumes and applications I guess. I was the first target. OMG. She knew me without knowing me and now I find myself in the back office *handling* stuff. Troubleshooting and organizing. Right now it is technically accounting....but my job reaches much much further and so do my future responsibilities (and my job title is ever-changing too). I still remember her telling me that OK, now I had taken a few months to goof off, it was time to get back to work...and she put me back to work. Several involuntary promotions in the past year later, I find myself trepidatiously looking forward to the next changes she intends to put into play and wondering if I can live up to her high opinion of my skills and intellect. I want to. My lacking education scares the bejesus out of me sometimes though. She hasn't made any major mistakes though and so far, I think she sometimes knows me better than I know me. Wish me luck!

I am still working on organizing (anal---izing) my life into some semblance of order and remembrance. So far every move in that direction seems to improve my quality of life. As a person with autistic tendencies, organization, rules and regulations matter tremendously to me, amazingly enough though, I am messy. It is a constant struggle. I'm getting in the habit again of cleaning like a crazy person at least one day on the weekend and keeping the mess limited throughout the week. Its helping. Things are slowly but surely getting organized. It feels good.

As far as my new BF goes....For those of you with questions.....I don't want to get too wrapped up in the romantic stuff being blasted to the world yet. He's a nicer guy than I sometimes deserve. He has a bad past that he is working hard to rectify. Like I can talk. He spends every weekend with me. He has 3 boys aged 16 to 24. I've been more successful with my kids than he was with his. I didn't have the interference of a new age parent though. The boys are good people though with some of their father's sweetness. My S.O. wishes that he had someone to back him up with the rules though...maybe his boys would have gone further then. Its not too late yet and his youngest is going to Chef School. Youngest should still be in high school, but at least he is doing something to better his chances at success in life. A good Chef can do pretty well too. Back to new BF. We are both alike and different. He is blown away when I think too many deep thoughts. He doesn't *get* computers really. He can use them, but he is a simple guy. To him a computer is like a blow dryer. You don't *play* on it. He doesn't know people he hasn't met. He doesn't quite *get* that either. He fixes stuff. He watches TV. He loves dogs and children. He rides his bike often. He reads voraciously. He is employed by the engineering department where I work. We have lunch together daily. Yes sometimes he takes directives from me, that's our jobs. He doesn't have an attitude about it. I don't single him out. Work is work, life is life. We don't let the two interfere with each other as much as possible. I met him since November. Liked him as a casual friend since December. I started dating him cautiously at the end of June. By July we were only dating each other. I am the first girl he's dated in 12 years, since his divorce. He still lives with his X though, so he can live with his sons and influence them too (xwife dates all the time....all casual...FWB type). I like her but we are night and day I think. Looks, lifestyle and personality. Its a somewhat strained relationship between them but you have to give the couple kudos for thinking of their children's best interests. I have no idea how they ever were together and he'd probably think the same thing about Walter's father. In all the good ways he reminds me a bit of Bo (Rich and Celia's father and my first and longest marriage)....only way way way smarter and classier. He tells a good joke but he isn't obscene. He's far from perfect. He likes tv way too much. Sometimes he is just *too* nice. He isn't the ambitious type at all. But then again....we all know what a pain in the ass I can be too. So lets all just wait and see. The BF isn't a secret but he isn't my whole life.....I'm not going to do that to any man or myself again. Its not fair to either of us. I will write about what is happening sometimes...but not all the time. If anything big happens or our status changes I will probably write about that too.....but for now, things are more than casual but we are still just dating exclusively.

Walter and his gf are going to a dance tonight. He is the grim reaper and she is the dead bride. He gave her an ankle bracelet last week. She wears it all the time. This is his first love. Probably not hers, but she seems nice from what I can see. I pray she doesn't break his heart. She is a beauty! She looks like she could be on a television soap opera as the diva's daughter.... Not that I don't think my son is worthy, but I understand the envious looks his friends are giving him. All I can think is that she is a pretty good person not to let the facts that Walter isn't as popular as she is, as cute as she can get, or rich affect her interest in him. She must like him for who he is and that gives me a certain amount of comfort. She seems to live under similar house rules too. I may not be displaced yet but I don't think I'm the apple of my son's eye any more....LOL

I probably won't write much this weekend....I have work work and housework to catch up on. I'm supposed to finish writing a story for the tribune about my sister's Cherokee Wedding too. I'm going to try and at least call my older children and catch up with them too. The weather here is beautiful....like Indian Summer. Most of all I want to take a little time to enjoy life this weekend with Walter and my S.O.....not to mention my silly dog.

Ya'll have happy days wherever you are....

I'm sooooooooooooooooo ashamed. Still I laughed my ass off when I watched this.

I'm a traitor to my gender....

Maybe I spent too many years working for lawyers.

Writing about how I can't think of anything to write about

I find myself wanting to write. I can't find a whole lot subject-wise. I could rant on and on about office politics which really were ticking me off today. Truth is, I love my job, but not the politics involved. Everybody is worried about my taking their place....I didn't even angle to move up to where I am, but I didn't displace anyone in gaining this position. People who used to love it when I offered a hand are now protectively guarding their space and desperately trying to put obstacles in the path I take to my space. You know how it is. STOOPID. Not worth the rant.

I want to write about my son's new romantic feelings....but I'm too confused by how I feel about how he feels. Torn. Worried and Accepting at the same time.

I want to bounce brilliant ideas and profound thoughts out into the blogosphere and have them come back improved and applicable. I'm brain dead though....and no one seems to do that anymore. I remember when blogging was new.... OMG!!!! Every read was a new adventure. To be one of the lucky one's who had their writing commented on was an honor that gave me thrills beyond belief. How I miss our spirited cyber-conversations... I even miss the flame wars.

I guess I just want to reach out for some reason.

Maybe its the State of America right now.

I've deliberately stayed out of politics this election. People have wondered to me why I was keeping my mouth shut and my fingers still. Don't I have an opinion? Its not that really....I think I'm just being cautious. I was so bewildered by the last election that I am still in psychic recovery.

I can't trust our politicians, my party, or even the American public to make the best decision for the ultimate good of our country. Not after Bush's second win. Our system worked beautifully that election....but the American people failed America.

Sometimes I think we've been so inundated with information from biased sources that we've forgotten how to think for ourselves. Maybe we have just become too lazy. Its not that I think everyone should vote as I do.... I just don't want to hear the stupid reasons why they are voting for who they are. No one is asking the hard questions. I don't think anyone really wants to know the honest answers. Whatever it is, I am too scared to let myself care that much about the rest of the voters. I will just make the best decisions I can and pray. I haven't lost faith in God yet....just the intelligence of my co-Americans. I'm disillusioned.

My writing is sometimes too personal these days. My opinion pieces are few and far between, and often border on safety. Lord I wish I were one of the daring ones again. I wish I could bring myself to write things that I feel everyone is thinking but afraid to say. The emporer is nekkid! Yo! that ain't clothing baby---that is hideous! Even his castle has crumbling walls! Instead I whine and bemoan and keep it personal. I don't want to offend anyone or any entity.

I'm coming way to close to being politically correct. I don't like it.

Help?

Hi Everyone,

Well I was checking up on my kid's internet usage as I do from time to time and I stole some of his videos. 2 of him skateboarding and one of the drama king's woes about his drowned skateboard. Thought you might enjoy them so I am posting them. I almost posted one of him being all appalled but decided against it...he was advocating violence against an 8 year kid *whup hiz azz!* was the exact quote. This from the kid who thinks being grounded for a day is way too harsh. He wouldn't know a real spanking unless it actually hit him. ROFLMAO. I understand why he was appalled though.. the 8-year old kid evidently expressed no remorse after stealing his grandmother's car for a joy ride and nearly striking some pedestrians with it. Still I was kind of appalled by my baby's budding language skills and propensity toward violent retribution. I'll explain to him later that kind of discipline won't work. It was the discipline the 8-year old should have had at 5 years old (as in *no means no*) that the kid missed out on. Then I will probably threaten Walter's youtube account for the language transgression. No doubt he will think I am being incredibly harsh. If he video blogs about me I will upload that too ROFLMAO.

Well here are the videos:

Board slide!!!!!

I forget what this trick is called.... cool though!

He's soooooo serious. Where did that deep voice come from?

I have to go pick him up from the skatepark in a half hour. No videos from tonight... still no working camera.

For those of you who wonder where all my *good writing* has gone, I've been putting most of it in http://blessedarethemeekimgoingtohell.blogspot.com/ for about the last 6 months. Stop by sometime.

Y'all have a great weekend!

Native American wedding photos

August 30th was a beautiful Summer Day. Much too hot for an outdoor wedding....but like the ancestors that I am sure witnessed us from Heaven....we endured.

All the costumes are authentic hand made costumes made mostly by my Mother, but my nephew Adam made his own costume as did the Chief and his wife. Cherokee women don't get to wear the sexy outfits that Apaches wore. Nope we are required to be FULLY covered and modest. Sucks big time.

We entered the blessed circle in the traditional clockwise manner were handed a small packet and took our seats. Families sit together. Singles sit separately. The smells of sage and tobacco permeated our senses but it was a lovely smell, not at all like cigarrettes because this was utreated tobacco. The tobacco was not for smoking at this point. It was for an offering. Sage is burned to bless the circle, much the same way that catholic priests and wiccans use it. The Cherokee way of faith seems very Catholic at times...with a touch of witchcraft. I realize that statement may offend some, I mean no disrespect, I am just trying to describe what I've lived with most of my life.

The wedding ceremony

Now you will feel no rain, for each of you will be shelter for the other.

Now you will feel no cold, for each of you will be warmth to the other.

Now there is no more loneliness, for each of you will be companion to the other.

Now you are two persons, but there is only one life before you.

Go now to your dwelling to enter into the days of your life together.

And may your days be good and long upon the earth.

My mother is in the red-print dress, Dave's (the groom) mother is in the solid pinkish dress. My sister Rhonda is wearing a traditional floral headpiece made by her neighbor. The blue blankets are full of symbolism, mostly about solitude, reflection and loyalty. They each have thier own native woven blanket to symbolise their separate beginnings. Behind the chief you will notice the basket with white gifts in it. These were packets of real tobacco in order for us to thank the Great Spirit by enriching the Earth. A wonderful event occurred during this ceremony. 2 hawks (our family's totem consists of hawks and wolves. I've always considered myself a wolf, which is the minority, but Rhonda considers herself a hawk) began circling the wedding site (consecrated ground which was roped off). This is considered a wonderful omen, a blessing from our ancestors and Heaven itself. I believe in omens like this. The circle became steadily smaller until the hawks were almost hovering around and around Rhonda and Dave. I silently said *Hi* to my Grandpa and cousin Sue for attending. I'm sure they also wanted Rhonda to finally feel the joy she has always deserved.

The Blessing

Above you are the stars, below you are the stones.

As time does pass, remember, like a star should your love be constant.

Like a stone should your love be firm.

Have patience with each other, for storms will come, but they will go quickly.

Be free in giving of affection and warmth and be sensuous to one another.

Have no fear, and let not the words of the unenlightened give you unease.

For the Great Spirit is with you, now and forever.

A May Naa (amen)

Now they are given their own single white blanket to symbolise, of course, that the two are now one. The white color is to symbolise the purity of thier love, white was not always available, and not required so much as the best fabric or hide available. It is more about placing the highest value on the partnership rather than the parts of the marriage. Truly, if all marriages had this basis, I think that divorce could almost be ended.

A Ceremonial Dance

This is Adam, my nephew, my brother's son. He is a well known Native American artist as well as competitive in both drums and dance in our area. The last couple of years, he's even ventured outside the area. He has won many many events. Pay close attention to his costume. He made everything. Even the thread. He hunted the deer that hide came from with a bow and arrow. He didn't waste any of it. What wasn't eaten was used for clothing or art. Native Americans never kill animals indiscriminately. It is against our faith to waste the Earth or its creatures. Every one of those feathers he gathered and cleaned. He made the beads from twigs and stones and various other *found* objects. Native Americans recycle everything as a way of life and out of respect to the Earth that the Great Spirit provided us.

After the ceremony we blessed the ground with our tobacco and went to the gift blanket to pick out our tokens from the happy couple. Cherokee people measure wealth, not by how much you retain, but by how much you give away. Weddings are a big event and require many gifts. I think it is a wonderful way of life even if I can't practice it fully. I do live in a white world.

We left by rejoining and completing the circle.


Rhonda, Adam, Dave

Of course the folks had to have this shot. The happy couple and their gorgeous grandson.

I wish y'all could have enjoyed it with me. I will post more pictures of the absurdity of the guests in the near future. I wore shorts. They were nice ones and it was over 95 degrees in the shade. Some bikers wore some crazy shit! Gotta love thier attitude though. Love me or not...here I am. Salt of the Earth types. Several people were dressed more traditionally formal as well. The hog (hawg) was roasted to perfection and we had 2 tables of additional food and yet another table for deserts. If anyone left hungry it was their own fault.

I will never marry again.... but if I did this would be the way to go. Its technically not legal (no divorce needed though Rhonda and Dave had a legal marriage and a regular nondemonitional religious ceremony first) yet it still invokes real commitment. Not to mention its cool to be casual.

Like that proverbial bad penny....back again!

I'm feeling a prolific update coming on.....

I'm not dead. YAY! If you read my other blog you would have seen that I made a few postings there over my extended Summer break.

I was hoping to do this via video report but my son accidentally broke my digital camera. I'm going to try to fix it....LOL...but not today. If I can't I will probably buy another towards my birthday. In the meantime I may try to figure out how to use the video cam thingy I already have for my computer. I don't have the speaker/headphone thing anymore (though they are cheap enough I could get one), but I do have a microphone. I just need to get some double-faced tape to stabelize the camera. So don't be surprised if you find a video blog from me here in the near future.

Walter is doing much much better. High School is good for him. I knew it would be. He was too cool for the kids in grade school. He was a teenager when he was 8. Unfortunately he is dating a Senior. I don't know if I like the idea of him dating a girl so much older (he's 15, she's 18). Luckily neither of them can drive so they are limited in what they can do together. Another Mr. Studly. My boys are too hot for my good. Still she seems like a nice girl and both of them are attending school with an eye toward higher education and they seem to share morals. My hair is greyer every day.

We ended up not moving. I decided to kind of fix up this place a bit and stick around. Long story there. Its actually coming along nicely. I intend to do some more fixing up too, so I won't be blogging as much as I like for a while yet, but I should be able to do better.

The neighborhood's changed for the better recently. People moved out, better people moved in. Even my next door neighbors decided to stay. I've been busy trying to make friends and get to know my neighbors. Its really working out.

I'm driving again but still trying to keep it to a minimum because my front tires are still bald and that pesky engine light comes on and off. Its an oxygen sensor but I can't afford to have it fixed right now. Winter's coming on. Not only do I have to pay a gas bill soon but I have to come up with another $300 dollar deposit to get it on. (I turned it off and took my money when I thought I was going to move somewhere heat was included).

I've been dating and for the past couple of months I've been dating one guy in particular from work but I am going to have to break it off soon. Its a tricky situation. I should have never dated a man from work....never before and never again....but how do I gracefully extracate myself from this awkward position? My managers are thrilled with this romance but they don't know certain things about him that I do (and that make him completely unsuitable for me and my kid) and I don't want to tell why I am breaking things off with him. Advice please.

Work....OMG I have been busy. I'm looking real good though and so are the books. We are at 85% of bills being current and not delinquent. For those of you that don't the math that means only 15% are delinquent and only half of those are over 90 days. When I started the position it was almost 40/60. I'm kicking ass. Some days I hate it and I get so frustrated with being called off the accounts to fix computers or help out at the desk but its getting better all the time. I might be working myself out of a job though. With the books in order it will make it easier to sell the hotel and that could leave me unemployed. I figure it will all look good on a resume though.

I'm even considering putting my resume out there. Its not that I don't love my job, but it doesn't hurt to stir the pot a bit. I've made it through my first year now, so I could do it without looking bad.

If I have time for it, I will post some pictures from my sisters wedding tonight. Maybe a pic of my new puppy (Did I mention my baby?), Dizzy. She's adorable but a handful!

Summer stories to come in the next few entries......

How is everyone?

Taking Hiatus

Hey buddies....

As you all know I have way too much on my plate now. I need to take a short hiatus from anything that isn't absolutely family or work related until after I get moved and settled in. Probably somewhere around mid-July. I'm ok...just exhausted and having to make some choices. I'll be thinking of y'all often though! Have a great first 1/2 of Summer.


I'll be back.

Dancing with Murphy all week

Thank God Its Friday!!!!

I have worked overtime every day this week (next week will be more of the same). My kid has been difficult. My house is hot and a mess to boot. I'm smoking too much. I have been eating PB sandwiches all week (well except Monday) because I am too tired to cook/the house is too hot to cook in and I don't like hot pockets (thank God Walter loves them). Lots of employees sick or on vacation. No time for visiting with those who are here. I am busy covering spots on top of my already overloaded plate. I guess I probably don't need to mention that I haven't studied, haven't packed, and still haven't finished that IH6.

Yesterday my landlord hassled me to clean up his other tenants mess. No freaking way.

Today S2 and I broke up. One of us probably had to do it. Sometimes wanting a love just isn't enough. I was trying to figure out a way to *make* it work, because honestly he is a perfectly wonderful man, but I have too much stress on me right now to think clearly. Too many pressures this week to spare more than a few minutes a day on a relationship. I'm not sure there is a way anyhow....Kind of kills my whole *where there's a will there's a way* theory. Some mountains just can't be budged.

I took it pretty hard for about 15 minutes then exhaustion overcame me and I just layed on the sofa, stared at the ceiling and crashed. I slept about 3 hours. I needed the healing that comes from sleep. Not that I am happy about this turn of events, but I accept it. I have no anger towards him though as always I wish I did. Anger I can deal with. Disappointment, not so much.

I did get the feeling he thought I may have been unfair to him in this blog. To set the record straight..... I was NOT used in any way, shape or form. He showed me the utmost respect. Showered me with love and affection. He was good and kind towards my son. He's a good man and lots of women would be completely content with him.

Its just really hard to build a real relationship when you can't be involved in each other's lives. I have resolved to NEVER date a man that lives outside my county and I am going to heavily screen any man who lives outside my city.

The truth is, I don't just suck at marriage, I suck at any relationship if we aren't spending any real time together. I don't think I require more time than most women who are coupled up. I don't require doting, but I do like doing things together and hanging out. I am not independent enough to enjoy my own solitude. I need people, including the man in my life, around me once in a while. I am very social and I like interacting. Even my career choices reflect this. I also like a lot of spur-of-the moment activities. Not a big consideration when your man lives a few minutes away, when he lives hours away, well sponteneity takes planning.

S2 also feels that I gave him mixed messages. I dunno maybe he's right. Its kind of a he said/she said situation. Its not the words so much but the assumptions made about what was known at the time and what was actually meant. All in all though, I feel we have been completely honest and open with each other. Besides I confuse myself, no wonder I confuse men. Sometimes things just don't work out. I'm going to leave it at that.

I'm going to miss having him in my life. We intend to still be friends, well at least I think we do. Usually though people just stop communicating.

I went ahead and adjusted my POF profile and put it back online. I don't know why. I really am not interested in dating. Maybe I just want the reassurance that I can if I choose. Those letters are great ego stroking and God knows I could use some. I really don't have time for a relationship right now anyway.

So because I wasted so much time reading and writing and fooling around on the internet (trying to do something mindless because thinking so much is giving me a headache) I've done nothing at all tonight. I think I am going to leave the phone off (i've unplugged it for a couple of days because I haven't been dealing well with these issues) and try to get something done over the weekend if I don't get called in to work.

Guess I will go to bed pretty soon. Tomorrow this week will end and I won't be sorry to see it go.

Sometimes I don't think I know what the Hell I want

but the scary thing is.... I probably know exactly what I want.

I'm going against my gut in so many areas right now. I keep trying to do the right things, the best things. I'm succeeding in just about every area of my life, at least by everyone else's standards but mine. Maybe I am one of those awful people who can't be happy.

I love where I work. I used to love my job, but these promotions they have been giving me are sucking the joy right out of it. Suddenly I am no longer one of the "gang". I'm also forced into a position I don't really want to be in. It feels like I am being groomed to replace someone I'd like to consider a friend. The job is taking up a lot of my time at work and at home. More than I ever planned to give to a job again. I could deal with 40 hours but its not. Its 30 hours (or more if I want) at work and then all the studying and stress and sleepless nights at home worrying about it. I applied for the relatively easy pee-on type job of Front Desk. Not manager, not accounting, not anything else. That is the job I originally accepted. I know I can do the job they have now placed me in. I'm evidently doing it better than everyone else who's had it up to now. People who were more experienced and better educated than I. I should be pleased as punch and proud to boot. There's no satisfaction in it though.

I keep telling myself to "give it time" "don't be stupid" "great opportunity" but I miss having friends and chatting up the guests. I miss coming home all happy from the fun I had at work and wanting more with Walter. I miss the energy that gave me. Now I'm coming home stressed and cranky. Worried about tomorrow. I don't think I am really cut out emotionally for management even if I seem to be good at it. Its taking a hell of a toll on me. Poor Walter! I can't even manage to keep the house up, I never feel like cooking anymore and all I want when I get home is quiet time. I think that will ease up after a couple of months...but my ego is whipped right now nonetheless.

I don't seem to be doing well at all on stopping smoking. I suck at it actually. I don't think I really want to as much as I am trying to convince myself. Part of me likes the defiance too much, plus I really like it. No getting around that right now. I don't have many vices, but this is a major one. I know its bad for me. I know I should want to quit. I watched my cousin die from lung cancer. Scare tactics don't work well on me, besides right now the depressed part of me is liking the damage I think. I don't literally cut my flesh....but I do hurt myself.

I wish I could find that state of mind I was in a few years back. I almost did it for good that time. Nearly a whole year! I love as much as I hate about it. I need to find a way to make the scale less even. I don't smoke much around S2 because he hates that I smoke, but frankly I'm not sure I will show him the absolute courtesy I usually do when he comes by tonight. I have an attitude.

I don't mean too but its like I am feeling tough and mean and ready to take on the world if I get one more rule thrust at me. I had hope that his masculinity would tame me a bit and I would listen to him and get all feminine and stuff...doesn't seem to be working out that way. Not his fault. He really is a dream-boat. Something is wrong with me I think. The only men I've ever listened to when I had an attitude were my Grandpa and my first husband. My Grandpa was the strongest man I ever knew and Bo....well Bo probably knew me better than anyone, he tried hard to tame me but in the end it was me who drove him over the edge. He never took my BS though....gotta give credit where credit is due.

And S2...well he is another reason I am beating myself up. I am always fine when he is here, happy to see him and totally devoted to him by the time he leaves. But by the time a week is over without him here, I am chomping at the bit and asking myself why I am involved with him.

Now its been two weeks and I'm really trying to make an effort but failing. Our lives seem so far apart and our attitudes so different. We do have *something", but its only passionate 2 days out of the week. I wonder if its going to be strong enough to test the strands of time and distance. I've promised to get my car fixed and start driving there to see him but to me that is terrifying.

My car isn't great, in fact its pretty unreliable and unlike him I don't make 6 digits or very nearly annually. I can't afford to worry about it so much when I can mostly walk everywhere I need to be. I have a kid that lives with me 24/7 and all you parents know how much that costs. I also have less time than he does whether or not he sees it. Then I tell myself I am a fool for not wanting to put out more effort. Here I have this tall handsome man who is apparently in-love with me, he's successful and quite a wonderful, sensitive and caring man. Absense should be making my heart grow fonder not making my feet itch. I absolutely adore his youngest child too. It would be great to be part of that child's life.

The problem is I don't like not having a man around. I am one of *those* women who feel incomplete without a man. I don't care if its not PC these days. I wasn't raised to change my own oil and frankly, I have little desire to learn unless some man is by my side teaching me all he knows about cars so we can spend more time together. I'd rather pay the $35 and get it changed at the station....but even more I'd rather spend the $35 doing something special for the man who does it for me because he loves me (even if he just takes it to the station). I want that kind of normal in the worst way. Why do I keep falling into these long distance relationships? I'm starting to develop a pattern.

Am I not as over the distrust thing as I tell myself I am? I feel like I sabotage myself. True enough S2 is really every woman's dream. He's close to being mine. All it would take is a few more bleeding knuckles (little more machismo) and about 70 less miles.

The problem is I don't want to move there. I don't. I love this town as much as I hate it sometimes. Its my home. Except for 6 misspent years in Stepford, I've lived in it all my life. I'll probably die here too. Hell in my death instructions to my daughter I have asked her to go to the rooftop of the tallest building in town (currently the one I work in) and scatter my ashes to the 4 winds because that is probably all the traveling I will ever do. It was meant seriously, but tongue in cheek (I would like to travel but I always planned on coming home).

Even if I was willing to move it would still be 4 more years because I am not going to move Walter out of this town during his High School years. Stability. Not to mention, it isn't what S2 wants either.

He holds out the promise of one year to me like a turkey on a platter. Provided we last that long he says. "If we stay together a year". I respond the way he wants me to, even though I am not feeling it after 2 days. Part of me is insulted. Men fall at my feet. How does he not realize this? I kick them aside and go after the ones who don't. If that was the be-all and end-all of my life I could live with any number of guys right now. Today.

Its not that great of an offer. He's saying to me "If you love me for one year and I don't find you to be a total pain in the ass and think we can be together for more than 2 days a week then I will give you the unsurpassed honor of quitting your job, leaving all your family and friends, uprooting your child and moving to a strange city where you know not one person so you can find another job and you and your child can start your life all over again in my house."

Helluva offer. Not that I have any feelings left for Bo, but let me tell you he knew he wanted me when he was 6 years old and I spurned him the first time. Most of the other men I've been with or even just dated (at least 90% of them) have pretty much acted the same. I am used to being the unsurpassed honor, being the one chased and I like it that way.

Right now this relationship seems to take a lot of work. Maybe its wrong to expect a good relationship to be effortless, but it shouldn't be stressful or feel like work either. So I am back to wondering what kind of game I am playing at. I don't even know if its fair for me to go on with this relationship. I don't want to break it off though. I want to love Scott. I believe he loves me. I also hate dating. I want to believe we can work things out because when we are together its magical. It just doesn't hold up to well Monday through Friday.

Know what would be perfect for me? To fall in love with the guy next door. Except there is no guy next door (not one where I am moving either).

Moving....there's another problem...not much better off than I was the last time I wrote. I have to quit procrastinating. I have to pull myself out of this funk and get my laundry caught up, my house cleaned up, and my shit boxed up. I need a drill sargeant I think. I have no ambition lately. I need more music and less attitude probably.

So on that note I am going to sign out and clean up this mess so S2 doesn't know how I've really been living. Yeah it still matters even with my relationship doubts. Hopefully he will come late enough that I can finish a rudimentary clean job, get a shower and catch up on your blogs before he gets here. He didn't sound really that enthusiastic about it so maybe....