Breathe in, Breathe out, Move on.

My grandmother passed on yesterday. I'm still dealing with the guilt and the poor-me's. I think I'm coming to terms with it. The thing that bothers me most is that for a period of time she felt physical pain. She had gangreen. She would have died soon anyway. She was 92. Basically my family is very lucky to have had her as long as we have, still we would have greedily accepted each additional day if we could have had them.

I'll write about her more soon. She was an amazing woman. Everything is too fresh now.

Today is my birthday. I knew she wouldn't die today. She would never do that to me. I knew it would be on a plain ordinary date so as not to dredge up painful reminders year after year. She was always so considerate, never wanting a fuss to be made.

We haven't made any solid funeral or viewing arrangements yet. I'm still waiting for my parents to call with something definite. I couldn't go today anyway. I won't make the association between today and yesterday, she wouldn't have liked that and I don't want to make people feel like they need to put on thier happy birthday faces for me. No one is happy today.

Walter has been trying so hard to make me happy today. I keep trying but all I want to do is sit and stare. Most people haven't remembered and I am ok with that. If I could have changed the date I would have. I just wish I could take away the regret from my friends and family when they realize they forgot me. I wish they could just forget completely until next year.

I'm breaking up with my boyfriend too. I would have done it already but he has been angry since I decided to visit my Grandma last Saturday with my sister. (that visit is how we found out the seriousness of this situation...but thats another soap opera). He has been totally ignoring and avoiding me since then despite the fact that he knows that I was dealing with all this. Nothing in it for him to be around me when I'm sad. I thought he really cared and I was worried about hurting him. I did care for who I thought he was, even knowing he wasn't the one for me. I realize now that I was just a free meal and booty call. I helped his position at work somewhat too. He got more than he paid for. I had high hopes that I could still be friends with him, but this hurt even if I knew already that we were not going to last. I feel stupid. Used. The truth is, he was trying to keep me isolated, and I won't be trapped again.

My resolution word last year was Hope. Good word and it was good for me to concentrate on that. This year the word will be CLARITY. My life needs definition, my truths need classification, my world needs to get organized. I've gone through a lot in the past 10 years or so, its time to start understanding what all these events actually mean in my life...time to clean up some of the debris, physically and figuratively, that surrounds me.

Today, out of the blue, a man I didn't know read one of my profiles and emailed me about the following song. Jimmy Buffett wrote it after Hurricane Katrina. It sums up how I feel today. Like I always say...Sometimes God sends you angels.

I bought a cheap watch from a crazy man
Floating down canal
It doesn't use numbers or moving hands
It always just says now
Now you may be thinking that I was had
But this watch is never wrong
And If I have trouble the warranty said
Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On

And it rained, It was nothing really new
And it blew, we've seen all that before
And it poured, the Earth began to strain
Pontchartrain leaking through the door, tides at war

If a hurricane doesn't leave you dead
It will make you strong
Don't try to explain it just nod your head
Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On

[Guitar Solo]

And it rained, It was nothing really new
And it blew, seen all that before
And it poured, the Earth began to strain
Pontchartrain buried the 9th Ward to the 2nd floor

According to my watch the time is now
Past is dead and gone
Don't try to shake it just nod your head
Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On

Don't try to shake it just bow your head
Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On

I'm breathing.

Silence Deafens

There is a lot going on in my personal life these days. Its work, its the boyfriend or boyfriends... blah blah blah...., its family. Its even the "orphan" I'm trying to help. I would give my right arm some days for boredom.

My Grandma is dying. I've said it now. It doesn't make it any easier. I haven't been the best granddaughter either. I only see her a couple of times a year. She deserves better. When I was a kid she always had time for me....and for my numerous siblings and cousins.

Life just gets in the way of living sometimes. There were the jobs, the boyfriends, the family squabbles. Mostly it was me though....I didn't MAKE time for her and now she is dying.

If you have a grandmother. Call her today. Visit if you can. I don't care if you want to remember her the way she WAS. You need to see her as she is now.

Tomorrow never comes. Say what you need to say.

Come on....You know you wanna

My old Bossy (the lawyer) always sends me great emails. This one was priceless.

I think I am going to play teacher for a day.

Y'all can be my students.

Below are your new vocabulary lists. Please choose at least 3 words from each set and apply them in sentences to be turned in at the comments link.

Extra credit if you can do 5 or more.

Proper grammar counts!!!

I will *virtually kiss yer arse* if you can do 15 of them in a short story posted on your site and linked here. (seriously....I can virtually do that!!!) Best one gets reposted here and cross-linked back. Come on....I triple dog dare you!..... oh and extra points for pictures.



If you don't even try its the ruler for you!!!

Mensa Invitational
Here are the winners of this year's Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition :

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.

2. Ignoranus: A person who is both stupid and an asshole.

3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.

4. Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

7. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high

8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one gets extra credit if used in a paragraph.)

11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

13. Glibido: All talk and no action.

14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidental ly walked through a spider web.

16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.


The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4.. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7.. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

Nostalgia

If auld aquaintance......

I've had a migraine since Wednesday. Seriously. Bad Bad Bad. I'm left work early. I still have not received a New Years Eve Midnight Kiss in my life. (I'm thinking this is an omen) I finally started feeling better (but still kind of tired) a couple of hours ago.

I had dropped Walter off at the College Football Hall of Fame. His Winter hang out since there isn't an enclosed skatepark anymore and laid down for a nap. When he called at 4:30 for pick-up...I woke up, feeling refreshed and singing moonshadow....Seriously....*i'm being followed by a moon shadow...moon shadow moon shadow.



In the dream I was 11 again. Snuggled up against my favorite (and missing) Aunt. Wearing my Native American braids tied with leather just like hers.... As my aunt softly strummed her folk guitar she taught me the words to this song. It was a happy song to sing when I was sad or confused. She loved me and I her. For reasons I won't share I haven't seen her since around that time. It was the most awful year of my childhood for losses....that was also the year my Grandfather passed on. The thing is, she was one of the most influential people in my life. I am sure this memory has a special meaning for me now....not really hidden either as I contemplate my recent moods....

Moon Shadow
Cat Stevens

I'm being followed by a moon shadow
moon shadow-moon shadow
leaping and hopping on a moon shadow
moon shadow-moon shadow
and if I ever lose my hands
lose my plough, lose my land
oh, if I ever lose my hands
oh, if...I won’t have to work no more
and if I ever lose my eyes
If my colours all run dry
yes, if I ever lose my eyes
oh if …I won't have to cry no more.
yes, I'm being followed by a moon shadow
moon shadow - moon shadow
leaping and hopping on a moon shadow
moon shadow - moon shadow
and if I ever lose my legs
I won't moan and I won't beg
Oh if I ever lose my legs
oh if...I won't have to walk no more
And if I ever lose my mouth
all my teeth, north and south
yes, if I ever lose my mouth
oh if...I won't have to talk..............
Did it take long to find me
I ask the faithful light
Ooh did it take long to find me
And are you going to stay the night
I'm being followed by a moon shadow
moon shadow - moon shadow
leaping and hopping on a moon shadow
moon shadow - moon shadow moon shadow -
moon shadow moon shadow - moon shadow

She had moon shadows following her....and I have mine. Its all about questioning your life. About living life with joy despite the constant need for answers and worries plaguing you. I've been thinking about running away again. I'm so good at that. Worries about my youngest child, the economy here, the changes happening at work, the crime, and being in a dead-end relationship. I don't want to be alone though. Those are my moon shadows.... Blocking the light. Still as the year I concentrate on Hope comes to a close this month I find that hope is ever present. I think I've got a real grip on it now. The dream helped but I think I would have reached sanity again....As soon as Spring came.

I'm not going anywhere. I will deal with whatever I have to deal with....

Let the light shine down.

Happy Sunday

OK...so I still haven't found time to write. I'm a busy girl!

Its been a good Christmas I think. Walter is happy with his presents and Rich and Celia came home for the holidays. Unfortunately Billy, Celia's husband had to work. He is now gainfully employed at our local mental hospital. Seriously, He and Celia should get together and write stories about their lives. I don't know people my age who have lived so much! Richard is putting his Christmas money toward a new computer system. I guess the half terrabyte system he has going now is boring him....so he is evidently going to triple his current one. At least by the time he's done rebuilding it. Good Lord that kid is geekier than I am!

Our family kept things simple and cheap this year. The economy has really hurt some of them. Not so much me, but it still has, and I am making plans for saving money for bigger things and life changing decisions, which I will get into later, when I can write in peace and privacy.

I had some amazing dreams recently. I went to sleep with problems and prayers and woke up feeling refreshed and with new and wonderful thoughts in my head.

I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday season....

Bah Humbug

I'm trying....really trying to find the Christmas spirit. Dammit all I am freaking spoiled. I do have a good job, great kids, a boyfriend....well for the time being....we'll get back to that.....and the family isn't hassling me. I always find the *buts* and the *exceptions*.

I haven't bought even one present yet. I did finally put the tree up a few days ago. I've been battling a cold for a month now. I'm exhausted. I can't do this all by myself and I can't find anyone I am willing to share my life with.

My two oldest kids and I are so busy that we haven't found the time to be with each other since Rhonda's wedding in August. I miss them. I am happy their lives are apparently going pretty well....but I am their mother until the ends of their days and I miss them. Both of them are 3rd shifters and I am too old to be able to stay up late enough to keep up with them. But God I miss them.

My story about the wedding did get published in the paper. Only my family noticed. I was so bummed. They gave me a whole page, front page section B to be exact....and the only people who really noticed were the ones I actually told about it. It really bummed me out. I'd told my friends and coworkers for weeks and no one actually noticed. It was even a slow news day. Everyone else gets the article posted on the bulletin board at work. It sucked not being noticed. It was a really good story, even after editing (which was done with a light hand). It was my first byline.

Walter is a contrary 15. He threatens to leave home on a regular basis until I remind him exactly what that will entail. I've spoiled him and can't seem to undo the damage completely. I have to stop myself from comparing him to his siblings. Maybe it was just that I was so much younger then. They were raised different too. I didn't have any money when they were small so they were more grateful for the things I could afford when they were teens. With Walter, he started off with a lot more money (2 parent household with good paying jobs) and ended up as a poorer teen (not that he doesn't get as much as Rich and Celia did, I only have one teen now instead of two). Lord I hope this attitude is more about his age than his personality.

Work....oh geez work....there is good and there is bad. I received another dollar an hour raise but I was promised two. I was also promised a reasonable insurance package. I was offered a package wherein I pay 75% (approximately $1200 per month cost to me). I was pissed but my GM said they were going to reevaluate the insurance package in March or late February. I was willing to wait but now I find out that some get it free... I have brought this company almost current in receivables (it was running about 60/40 in current/past 90 days accounts) and have generated almost 80 grand in 90 day or more (some as much as 2 years) past due receivables since I started this position this past July. I am constantly troubleshooting other departments, fixing computers and subbing for the front desk in addition to all that. I'm not sure I want to wait anymore. I am freaking insulted to tell you the truth. I love the job but I don't always think I am being treated fairly and I don't think I should have to threaten to quit to be treated equal to the other managers here. I am expected to act and think like a manager without the title or pay that goes with it. My GM just tells me to wait...eventually.... I've already turned down 3 offers, but now I'm thinking about looking for employment elsewhere. All I know is that if something needs doing I've been the one doing it, even if it means bringing it home. It pisses off my kid, my family and my boyfriend....I guess I am just trying to deal with it all.

I don't know about the current BF. He's smothering me. Its like my life has been taken over by his need to sit around and watch television with me by his side. I don't even watch freakin television as a rule. I miss blogging. I miss doing things on the spur of a moment with my friends. I miss being single I guess.... I like making my own rules, choosing my own channels, and doing what I want. Why does it have to be either/or all the time?  Its wierd....I didn't mind it so much when my first husband was wanting to be with me all the time.  This doesn't bode well for BF...considering I divorced the 1st husband. Of course he was way funnier....

Life is good....but I know I could make it great with a little more effort. I know I could change things if I would just remember how to be truthful. I haven't lost hope....just forgot how to voice it.

Maybe I just need a shrink....

Am I wrong? Am I wanting too much?

New Olympic Event

Kathy at the Rusty Spigot is once again providing the inspiration for this post.

THIS IS THE MOST OUTRAGEOUS GAME I'VE EVER WITNESSED!!!! (opens a post on Kathy's page)

I think I may have to post it in my sidebar permanently!

I can't wait to play it!

I really could be a CONTENDER!

Dammit Kath!!!!

Kathy at The Rusty Spigot tagged me,

I really don't know why I like that woman....

Some friend right?


Six things you may not know about me ….

Since Kathy was allowed to swear...I guess we all can too. Yeah, I know that y'all know I swear and that can't count as one of the 6 things.

The Rules …

* Link to the person who tagged you * (Kathy)

* List 6 random things about yourself

* Tag 6 new people

* Let each tagged person know by posting a comment on their blog

* Link to the 6 people you’ve tagged

* Let the person who tagged you know that you posted.

Easy Breezy…...Well except that I don't know if I can be that interesting. I tell everything!!!! Open book. No real secrets anymore....only oddities. Well.... maybe.

Here goes......

For real....

I can do this....

1.) I have no hair inside my nostrils. Seriously...well maybe one or two but I haven't seen them in years. I used to work in a leather factory as Supervisor for a newly formed Gluing Department. One of the glues had such strong fumes that it literally made my hair fall out....of my nose! It never grew back. It was quite the blessing really. I don't have any real body hair but I did have some thick nose hairs before that happened. It was a bitch plucking those babies out. Since those fumes didn't cause any other damage, I'm almost glad I was there.

2.) I am at least half white-haired (nope not grey) if I let my roots grow out. I started losing the color when I was 22, shortly after I gave birth to my daughter. Coincidence? I think not!

3.) I have always loved trains. Even as a young child I woud hurry to the window to watch everytime a train would come by. I can't stand to ride them though.

4.) I didn't become vain and egocentric. I didn't have to *learn* to spout off about my opinion. I was born that way. When I was only 4 years old I had my tonsils taken out (together with my two older sisters). Instead of slowing me down the drugs they gave me speeded me up (found out later I was hyperactive)so I stole ALL of the toys out of the playroom at the hospital and locked myself in the bathroom with them. When the nurses were finally able to get me out (I steadfastly refused to let them in because I *deserved* all the toys) they put me in a crib (I proclaimed it a jail) tied a net over the top (because I kept fighting them and trying to climb out) and I ranted and raved at them about how they could not do that to me because I looked just like Shirley Temple and was born to be a star! Evidently I ranted until I passed out a few hours later. Quite the feat for someone who just had a tonsilectomy. I was eating solid food the next day. High pain tolerance and demanding to boot. From what I understand and remember, this was pretty much how I was all the time. I'm much nicer now.

5.) I think we don't know a whole lot more than we do know about our world, our universe and ourselves. I believe we underestimate the vastness of the universe and the power of God. I also believe we overestimate our own greatness in the scheme of things. I believe in aliens who may even be among us and/or part of our own blood lines. I've seen ghosts (I won't argue the point, I only know what I know). I believe in angels. I hope to know more about life before I die. The more questions I answer the more questions I have though.... The only thing I know for certain is that there is so much I will never know.

6.) I don't smoke marijuana...or even want to, but I think it should be legalized for recreational use. One of these days I am going to blog about that.


yeah.... I'm a little strange sometimes.


I tag:


<

Lisa of Better Terms

Tracy of Trace's Space

Jimmy of The Stupid Sheet

Ally of Simply Me Ally

The Divine Ms. A of Miss Alaineus Almanac

and my newest soulmate

dah ta dah....

Emma of Talking to Myself

Well I'm not going to inform anyone of this until tomorrow....but...if you read it here before I make it to your blog...go for it! meanwhile Y'all have a good night! (that's me laughing like a maniac in the background)

BOO!!!!!

Well I am very busy...but I couldn't let the day go unnoticed. Seriously I barely had time to go to the

<

<

My wonderful GM kept bugging me with her constant inquiries about the current state of affairs.....

<

The front desk wasn't keeping quiet either. It's like they expected me to know EVERYTHING!

What do skeletons say before they begin dining?
Bone appetit!
What did the mother ghost say to the baby ghost?
"Don't spook until you're spooken to."
What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley?
I'm bone to be wild.
What do baby ghosts wear on their feet?
Boo-ties
What do ghosts put on top of an ice cream sundae?
Whipped scream.
What do ghosts serve for dessert?
I Scream.
What do witches put on their hair?
Scare spray.
What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
Hoblin Goblin.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and deady.
What do you call a monster with no neck?
The Lost Neck Monster.
What do you call a roomful of ghosts?
A bunch of boo-boos.
What do you call a witch who lives at the beach?
A sand witch.
What do you call dead cows that come back to life?
Zombeef.
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Frostbite.
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.
What do you get when you divide the circumference of a pumpkin by its radius?
Pumpkin pi.
What do you give a skeleton for Valentine's Day?
Bone-bones in a heart shaped box.
What does a skeleton orders at a restaurant?
Spare ribs.
What game do ghost like to play?
Peek-a-Boo.
What goes "Ha-ha-ha . . . THUD!"
A monster laughing his head off
What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
He is mist.
What happens when a ghost haunts a theater?
The actors get stage fright.
What instrument do skeletons play?
Trom-BONE.
What is a ghost's favorite desert?
Iced Screams.
What is a witch's favorite subject in school?
Spelling.
What kind of makeup do ghosts wear?
Mas-scare-a.
What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
Boo boos.
What's a ghoul's favorite game?
Hide-And-Go-Shriek!
What's a haunted chicken?
A poultry-geist.
What's Dracula's favorite flavor of ice cream?
Vein-illa.
What's it like to be kissed by a vampire?
It's a pain in the neck.
Where do baby ghosts go during the day?
Dayscare centers.
Where do ghosts mail their letters?
At the ghost office
Why couldn't Dracula's wife get to sleep?
Because of his coffin.
Why did the ghost go into the bar?
For the boos.
Why did the vampire give his girlfriend a blood test?
To see if she was his type.
Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He had no guts.
Why didn't the skeleton dance at the party?
He had no body to dance with.
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghoul's best friend.
Why do mummies make excellent spies?
They're good at keeping things under wraps.
Why do witches fly on brooms?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy.
Why doesn't anybody like Dracula?
He has a bat temper.
Why don't mummies take vacations?
They're afraid they'll relax and unwind.
Why don't witches like to ride their brooms when they're angry?
They're afraid of flying off the handle!
Why wasn't there any food left after the monster party?
Because everyone was a goblin!
What kind of street does a ghost like best?
A dead end.
What did the papa ghost say to the baby ghost?
Fasten your sheet belt.
Who does a ghoul fall in love with?
His ghoul friend.
What do you call a dog owned by Dracula?
A blood hound.
How can you tell when windows are scared?
They get shudders.

Seriously...I tried hard to be patient but eventually I became quite frustrated!

Still we did have some good conversations at work. Politics are big there. I'd say most of us are leaning toward the liberal side. I think I spoke for us all when I said

Well I probably ought to sign off now....am expecting hordes of masked terrorists at my door tonight. I will have to give them certain small packages to keep myself from danger.

But I just want to leave you with one scary thing....it is after all, Halloween....

I hope you all have a safe and a

As for me...I plan to spend a nice quiet evening at home with Mr. Wonderful....

Its been a loooooooong Day!

Ok... Its a good thing I drank all that cappuccino.

The FD was short handed today. I had to cover there. It was a mad house. Almost 150 check-outs and then a wedding party checking in. There were also other events we were hosting but not rooming. Only one person was scheduled. Even if the usual 2 people were scheduled I would have needed to help out. Then the phones were going spastic. Then there were problems with some of the guests wanting to change their room types after the reservations had already been filled. We couldn't do it. I had a couple of really bad calls. Not all of them were assholes AND idiots but one was.

This guy called me for directions during the height of early a.m. check-outs. I was doing my best to assist him while simultaneously checking out guests (which was already rude, but he REFUSED to hold for a minute). He wanted to know how to come here from Chicago without using the toll road.

"Sir I don't travel much, I only know the toll road route"

"You shouldn't work in a hotel if you don't travel!!!!!!!!!" (the guy was shouting)

"I'm sorry Sir, I'm actually an accountant, I am just assisting the front desk for a moment" (I'm thinking you don't have to be dead to work in a morgue) "If you'd like, I can have the valet-driver call you when he gets back"

"YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOUR DRIVER IS NOT THERE!!!!!"

"I'm sorry Sir" (I'm thinking our driver is DRIVING and that this is a hotel not mapquest)

"I want to talk to your manager!!!!" (its barely 8 a.m., management doesn't come in until 9 a.m. just like most businesses, I was early today).

"I'm sorry Sir, but my manager is unavailable right now, however she will be available later this morning"

"YOU AREN'T ANY HELP AT ALL!!!! FINE I WILL TAKE THE TOLL
ROAD. WHICH EXIT?!?!"

"Just a moment Sir, I want to verify that" (I didn't want to send him down the wrong exit since I've never driven from Chicago to here....he already knew I didn't travel)

"JESUS CHRIST...YOU MEAN YOU DON'T KNOW!!!!!! I want YOUR name and the name of your Manager!!!! (I could hear him whipping around traffic, the man was driving, bitching me out on the phone, obviously had NO idea of where he was going and now he was taking notes....and he is acting like I am stupid?)

"It is either 77 or 78, I just want to be sure I give you the right one Sir. My name is TRESSA (spelled it at his request) and my manager is _________."(Her name didn't need spelled because it is common.)

"What is your LAST name???" (as if I was holding out on some big secret)

"Well , Sir, my last name is Bailey" (I spelled it in case he was even dumber than I thought), "but my first name will be all that is needed, I am the only person with that name here." (as far as I know the only other person within a hundred miles of me with that name is dead. I was named after her).

"I just don't want there to be any mistakes" (oh yeah....he was a real M-F-er... this one)

"One moment Sir, let me verify that exit. (I ask my very busy co-worker which one while he is busily huffing and puffing into the phone so I will know how irritated he is.) "77 Sir"

"FINE. and THEN WHAT?!?!"

"I don't understand Sir, what do you mean by then what?" (I don't know if he wants further directions or instructions as to how to check into our hotel).

"WHICH WAY DO I GO AFTER I LEAVE THE EXIT!?!?!?!?!" (the man is LOOKING for a heart-attack) He didn't need to get all "huffy" about it.

Well of course I know there is only one way he can go without breaking any traffic laws, I know where I wished he would go... I'm trying to come up with the best way to make him feel like less of an idiot than telling him this and that you can see the city from exit. We are the tallest building in town, you can see us from there. I paused just a moment too long, I think, thinking about how to put this into words without offending him....I could hear him huffing and puffing again.

"CAN I speak to a manager?!?"

"I'm sorry sir, but our offices open at 9:00, you can speak with my colleague though, if you wish."

"Let me talk to her then, AT LEAST SHE KNOWS WHICH EXIT!"

"I'll have to put you on hold for just a moment Sir." He was grumbling about stupid bitches as I placed him on hold. My coworker did not appreciate me passing the buck, but she was MOD. She took the call.

He was just as mean and rude to her. I don't think she had to spell her name out though.

She ended the conversation (after she had, even more painstakingly than I, explained how to get here from there....and she travels a lot!...the guy was an idiot) with 'Thank you for choosing our hotel, Sir! I certainly hope you enjoy your stay. We look forward to having you here!"

I knew she meant every word of it.

NOT!!!! (but the girl deserves an Academy Award!)

THANK GOD I HAVE THE WEEKENDS OFF.

All day at work it was stuff like this, not as bad....but stupid stuff all day long. I ended up bringing work home just so I could get the heck out of there after another long day (9 hours..most of them on my feet).

So now I don't even feel like going to the grocery store. I managed to keep my spirits up all the way home. I just know though, that something bad is going to happen...something stupid, like my pocket will get picked, if I leave this house. Looks like its going to be grilled cheese for dinner!

Thank God tomorrow is a brand new day.

I need another cappuccino.

I feeeeeeeeel goooooooood

I seem to be kicking the flu. Yeah! Fastest flu I ever had! Its like it was more hyperactive than me.

I went to work yesterday and not a day too soon. The cappuccino effect is working. I was soooooo effective and sooooo smart. I almost broke my arm patting myself on the back for my remarkable efficiency! I only brough home a satchel and a briefcase full of work, which I completed all but one file of. I would have gotten that done too,but the BF was hassling me to spend some time and I also needed to clean my house up some. I also did two loads of laundry....Well sorta. It still needs folding.

I am feeling on top of my game.

I am WundaClerk and SuperMom!

Gawd I love caffeine.

I even bought myself a container of general foods Belgian Cafe to keep the buzz going today (oh yeah, I also stopped by the store after I worked 9 hours).

Tonight I need to go to the grocery store for real (seriously you would think we were bachelors in this house). Then I plan a relaxing evening with the BF,,,,as usual glued to the tv.. (this is getting old).

This weekend we are to begin winterizing the house. Starting with plastic on the windows. We are also going to go pick up my furniture (yeah I finally bought some), build a table and assemble a couple of desks. He is really great to be helping me with this stuff. I probably should be nicer about his tv addiction..

Well time to get ready for work...I have just 20 minutes to do it, but hey.....it aint no freaking fashion show.

Happy Friday everyone!

Turbo Flu

I do not feel well...not well at all.

I think I have what I will call TURBO-FLU.

It started on Sunday. I didn't recognise the leg cramps as flu at first. Thought I was just a little tired and my legs were out of shape. I was doing some serious walking that day. Monday I knew I was ill. I hurt all over. ALL OVER. Seriously.... even my buttocks ached. If there was a muscle it was in pain. By afternoon I was so cold I could barely keep working without putting my coat on. I also had a really upset stomach. I forced myself to eat a bagel for breakfast (anyone who knows me...knows that if I'm not eating, its really really bad). At lunch I forced down a cup of broccoli soup and some toast. That's when the constant belching began. It was my stomache's revenge for eating. I shorted myself an hour at work and came home. I pretty much collapsed when I walked in the door here at home. The BF came by with an electric blanket and watched me shiver in it. He knew better than to act like he felt sorry for me. By 7:00 I had to shut the electric heat down because I was fading fast. At 8:00 BF left. I was getting pretty cranky and it was a good move on his part. By 9:00 I was snoring and freezing coughing and sneezing (unintentional rhyme).

It was a restless night, spent shivering then sweating then shivering then sweating in between sniffling and hacking up bits of my lungs....you get the idea.

I didn't even drag my but out of bed today until 10ish. Well except to call in. All I managed to feed myself has been an omelet at 1. At least the sneezing and coughing had tapered down to sore throat and sniffles. I've been freezing all day even though I am overdressed and the house is warm. I went to bed at 10pm, but now I am up because for the last hour the little bit I've eaten has been leaving my body in a very unpleasant and hurried fashion. I now have a 100 degree fever and chills.

This is not good.

I don't think I will be able to work tomorrow if this keeps up. I don't remember ever missing 2 days of work in a row in the last 5 years due to illness (not including surgery). I hope the Hell I can make it to the office at some point. I have a feeling that I am on the mend finally since there is nothing left in me to germinate now....but I still feel really awful and I look even worse.

My skin is dry and pasty. My nose is all red and swollen and I haven't brushed my hair since yesterday.

I look deader than I feel though.

It feels like a flu but the symptoms are going too fast. If it is a flu its the fastest one I've ever had.

I thought it could be food poisoning for a minute, like maybe I bought some old deli meat or something but I'm eating the same stuff everyone else is. I'm the only one sick.

I'm grateful. I sure couldn't take care of anyone else right now.

Y'know I hate to say it...but right now....I want my Mommy....

Any Meme will do.....NOT

Its been ages since I actually did a meme....the last one was on AOL to give you an idea...probably a year or so before I left too....

I stole this one from Kathy at the Rusty Spigot.

70 THINGS YOU PROBABLY DON’T KNOW ABOUT ME

1. DO YOU SNORE? - Apparently I do....but I can't hear myself so its alright.

2. ARE YOU A LOVER OR A FIGHTER? - A bit of both....sometimes I love to fight and sometimes I fight to love.

3. WHAT’S YOUR WORST FEAR? - I have to agree with Kathy on this one....something happening to my children or someone I love, take those out of the equation and its being unable to breathe.

4. AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC? - When I was a kid?!?!?....I still play with Walter's from time to time....great stress reliever! :::I dont wanna grow up...I'm a toys r us kid....::::

5. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF “REALITY” TV?- Its unreal!....I prefer real life.

6. DO YOU CHEW ON YOUR STRAWS? -Yup....and on pencils....fingers (but not nails) and various other small objects. I keep trying to stop but I never do.

7. WERE YOU A CUTE BABY? - Absolutely adorable, I was tiny (3lbs 9 oz) had long black curls all the way down my neck and long curling lashes. My skin was a golden tan color and no one could resist me!

8. IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU? - Apparently it is.... Seems to be the only way I have been happy.

9. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD? - It is black with white lettering. Black is the new Beige!

10. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER? - I don't sing at all. I believe there is a County ordinance against it.

11. HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED? - No....but I would have if I had not had children when it was popular. BK (before kids) I was quite the daredevil and would have done it in a heartbeat. Now I think I have a responsibility to go on living until they no longer need me to tell them what to do. LOL

12. ANY SECRET TALENTS? - Before I got dentures I could put my whole fist in my mouth. I can wiggle my ears and nostrils still. I can touch my toes to the floor behind my head while laying on my back. I know all the words to some pretty funny poetry too.

13. WHAT’S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT? - I've always wanted to visit Scotland, Ireland and France. My foreign ancestors' homelands.

14. IS JAY LENO FUNNY? - He used to be....before the Tonight Show.

15. CAN YOU SWIM? - No....I'm phobic.

16. HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE “DONNIE DARKO”? - No but I'd love to meet Donnie Osmond....guess that would be "Donnie Light".

17. DO YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE OZONE? - Absolutely. I try my best not to make that hole any bigger, I drive an econo vehicle, walk when appropriate, and I seldom use aerosols.

18. HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE POP? - Who licks? I just suck on it until it softens a bit and bite right into it (at least I did before dentures).

19. CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS? - You don't want me to sing....Bad things happen when I sing....really... I can, however say it quite easily....must be all that filing I do.

20. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN ON AN AIRPLANE? - Nope....but I wish I had somewhere I needed to fly to everytime I see a big jet in the sky.

21. ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD? - Nope.... I am the middle child. 2 older sisters and a younger sister and brother. My natural father also adopted 2 younger boys, but I've barely seen them since he passed on.

22. DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL SHARPENER? Manual.... It reminds me of how much I loved school as a child. I love the smell of the painted wood peeling and the soft hum as it scrapes off the lead into a point... I could wax poetic on pencils and pencil sharpeners....

23. WHAT’S YOUR STAND ON HUNTING? - I'm for it if you are talking hunting like the Native Americans do it....NO WASTE. That means you only kill what you will use and you use every part of that animal and you give thanks to the creator for it. There should be a certain regret involved.... Its hard to explain. Hunting for sport....BARBARIC. I don't hunt though.

24. IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE? - Its surely been in my past!!! I don't know if I could do it again.... I've written fairly intensly on this subject in my other blog.

25. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? - If I write slow and have the time to do it right (or should that be write), I can do a fair to middling job of it....Mostly though its legible but not pretty. I write too much and have damaged my hands too much to worry about pretty all the time.

26. WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO? - Most of the stuff that grows...roses, lots of flowers actually, cut grass. Some detergents, colognes and soaps will trigger terrible rashes. I can eat just about anything though.

27. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, “I LOVE YOU? – Few minutes ago. I try to say it often and everytime I see someone I love. People can die and not know how loved they were otherwise.

28. IS ELVIS STILL ALIVE? - If he was....that would really rock!

29. DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS? - No.... I pray.

30. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS? - With bacon, sausage, fried potatoes and rye toast.

31. ARE BLONDES DUMB? - yep.... brunettes, redheads and bald people too! They are everywhere......

32. WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP? - On my other foot. I usually don't lose them. I think my dryer fears me.

33. WHAT TIME IS IT? - 7:40 p.m.

34. DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME? - Lots of them..... Ditcy, Mama, Mom, Tess, Baby, there are others.....but I'm not telling.

35. IS MCDONALD’S DISGUSTING? - Only if you read the ingredients.

36. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR? – Yesterday.

37.DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS? - Showers.... I just know my dirt is circling around me in the bath....ready to land on whatever part of me it can when I get out. It doesn't want to die.

38. IS SANTA CLAUS REAL? - Call me Virginia.....

39. DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED? I prefer nibbled (and even bitten on the back). A kiss will do though.

40. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK? I'm afraid to be alone in the dark.....

41. WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO? Cigarrettes, caffeine, love....

42. CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER? - Creamy...my Mom used to make smiley faces in it. Smiley faces in crunchy would look like your sandwich had acne and that is just tooooo gross.

43. CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK? - Why would I want to crack my neck? I need it to hold up my brains.

44. HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN AMBULANCE? Nope. I hope I never do.

45. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY? - 4 times.

46. IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE? -Yes, but I still think marijuana should be legal if alcohol and cigarrettes are. It should be taxed and regulated....but definitely legal. Not to mention the comfort it can bring to those taking chemotherapy!

47. ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER? - Like a stone usually....but I have nightmares that I can't wake up from.

48. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES? - Bullshit Brown.

50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE? - Actually... I think I do. It sure beats the alternative.

51. WHOSE IS BETTER? - I'd love to be a 4 year old with my whole life ahead of me....but I truly believe that all of us live the best life we can and every life has its own ups, downs and crosses to bear.

52. ARE YOU PSYCHIC? – Yes, I think we all are to a certain extent. I think its normal and that eventually science will discover the other senses that make our brain able to unconsiously decipher information that we are not even aware we are receiving. I don't think its actually supernatural though.

53. HAVE YOU READ “CATCHER IN THE RYE”? - Only 4 or 5 times. I think I am due to pick it up again.

54. DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS? - Used to be 1st seat clarinet in grade school. I can't remember a note now.

55. HAVE U EVER STOLEN MONEY? - If I did, I was a child, and I was so honest, even then, that I probably told on myself.

56. CAN YOU SNOWBOARD? - No.... I'm afraid I am not really graceful.

57. DO YOU LIKE CAMPING? - Used to love it. Haven't been camping in years though.

58. DO U SNORT WHEN U LAUGH? - More likely to cough...but yeah, I've been known to giggle up my nose a time or two.

59. DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC? - Absolutely.

60. ARE DOGS A MAN’S BEST FRIEND? - Maybe not the best friend.... I'd like to think that Woman is....but guess that depends on the man.

61. YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE? - 3 times.....and I still don't believe in it.

62. CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK? - Damn straight!

63. DO YOU MAKE A LOT OF MISTAKES? - I've had 3 divorces.....what do you think? I do learn from mistakes though....

64. IS IT COLD OUTSIDE TODAY? - Kinda chilly....but this is the midwest and its almost November. I expect stuff like that.

65. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? - Omelet this morning....Not feeling real hungry because I have a flu or something.

66. DO YOU WEAR NAIL POLISH? - Sometimes.... I used to wear it all the time. I can't seem to find the time to put it on now.

67. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN KISSED? - And how!

68. WHAT’S THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL? - The Geiko Caveman.... I loved him at first....Now I am sicker of him than I am my 2nd husband.

69. DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE? - Huh? Not one here I guess....Never heard of it.

70. FAVORITE BAND AT THE MOMENT? - Pussycat dolls.... I am ashamed to admit that I just love *When I grow up* I think it was the line *When I grow up I wanna have boobies* Oh yeah....that was me, I used to think I would get them someday but then my little sister passed me up.... I guess I am cursed to be *average* in a family of DD's!

I'm sick today

That stupid flu is going around work again. I took the day off.....I was too cold to go to work. Seriously.

I can take the coughing. I'm not really sneezing too much...more of a runny nose thing. I can let voice mail take my calls and thus avoid using my scratchy voice. I can still spell fairly well with this killer headache. The body aches and cramping just spur me on to a good fight...but the cold and chills....

I'm whipped.

Still shivering in a tshirt, long sleeved shirt, sweatshirt, yoga pants, sweat pants, 2 pair of socks and a full head of hair. Even under the electric blanket turned on high.

Its about 40 or 50 outside. I know its not really cold. Probably 75 in the house.

I can't stand it. I'm going to work tomorrow....sick or not. I am cleaning out my cappuccino maker as I type. I have determined that is what is missing from my health care regime. I figure that even if it doesn't actually prevent illness or heal it, a couple cups of cappuccino makes me feel as if I am capable of beating it. I need more caffeine in my life.

Its on its 3rd vinegar round. Its been sitting on the shelf for a while.

I bought it way back when Walter was a baby and I was going to school (hey maybe that is how I handled going to 2 schools, having a baby, raising two young children starting a career, divorcing and 2 deaths all in 2 years?????hmmmm? coincidence? No I think not!) I put it up on a shelve about a year ago. Got some bug in me that no one drinks it anymore but me (my cappuccino drinking teens had grown up). Me is good enough reason to have it back on the counter I think.

Yep...I'm gonna take 2 cups of cappuccino and maybe I'll be ready for work in the morning.

Working through work

Work has been extremely busy for me lately. I bring work home every night even if I don't get it all done. Every little bit helps. Finally there is more order than chaos around my desk. It feels good. I like to pretend that I am not ambitious. Sometimes I fool myself a little bit. The truth is though, that I am one of the most ambitious people I know. Lately I am bordering on being a work-a-holic. There is a method to my madness, and a light at the end of the tunnel.



There are days that I hate to come in and long for some brainless way to earn a buck. 99% of the time I love it. I love the hotel. Mostly I like the people I work with and the way they work, although there are a few that need an attitude check. Right now I am stressing because I am trying to learn at the rate I did in High School while still working and raising a family. I can do it though. I keep reminding myself how well I did my last time as an adult in a learning environment and it gives me the confidence to keep hacking away at it.



My goal is to have a working knowledge of every position we employ at the hotel. I'm even trying to get a feel for the maintenance/engineering and housekeeping departments. I want to understand everyone else's job so I can be more useful.



Two of the skills that have been really useful to me in my entire working life are my ability to observe without being observed and my ability to spot an error/oddity. Almost every position I've ever had has required these trouble-shooting and analysis skills. Most people think I get ahead of my peers because people just like me. I have fairly good communication and social skills. Those help, but without my trouble-shooting and analysis, there'd be nothing to communicate about and I would be just another joking co-worker. Some think its my IQ, they believe that I am smarter than they are. Occassionally its true, but mostly its not. The truth is, I am just more willing to learn new things and its backed up with the experience of my careers. It seems to me that the older people get, the less likely it is that they are willing to learn. There are a lot of geniuses working at McDonalds. I know several people with degrees that don't have the job responsibilities or pay that I now enjoy. I know a lot of younger people that seem older than me.

Lots of job coaches like to use the phrase "work smarter not harder" if you want to get ahead. Frankly I think a person needs to work smarter and harder if they wish to advance in any business. Those same people like to say that "showing up" is 99% of success. I don't believe that either. I know a lot of people who show-up for the same job, day in and day out....for years and years. It takes a lot more than showing up to get ahead. A person needs to enlarge their position to move up the ladder these days, to do more than is asked of him/her. I like to anticipate the needs of my General Manager. The truth is, my real job description is to make her look good. If I'm not making her look good by the quality and level of work I do, then why should she want to give me a bigger chance to make her look inept and lazy? My job is to make her job easier.

So I am working my butt off through these promotions. Earning trust and responsibility as well as wages. She tells me what she expects and I try to excel and increase it. Then she gives me more. More authority, more responsibility, more wages, more power (both personal and professional).

People tell me I am going to work myself right out of a job. That is the goal. Everytime I do that I get a better one in return.

No I don't intend to work like this forever. However I do intend to always excel and to always exceed. Right now I am climbing the ladder. Eventually I will find my rung and rest on it. That time is coming. That is the light at the end of the tunnel.

Our hotel and office building has been up for sale. One of these days someone will buy it. I hope to keep my position. Still the truth is, often enough when a business is purchased they like to bring in their own management team. That is fine with me too. The skills and experiences I am having now will make my resume positively obese. I won't have a problem getting another, maybe even better position. The bottom line is the bottom line after all. Every business likes to have employees like me. They want more for their money....same as I do.

Ask A Streetwalker

There is a new local magazine here in Michiana. Its called Michiana Entertainer (occasionally it has a website called, interesting enough Michianaentertainer.com, but it isn't always up). I don't know.... I started leafing through it and to tell you the truth I was kind of mesmerized in that awful kind of way you are when you see a kid peeing in the parking lot.

What follows, verbatim, is a column, evidently a regular column, written tongue-in-cheek by a local Streetwalker. Not a classy call-girl. I only wish I could link to the site (which is down again). This woman has to be the homeliest streetwalker I've ever seen (and I have seen quite a few in the years I worked for the defense lawyers). She's real though. I've seen her around.

ASK A STREETWALKER...
About responsible sexuality.
By Gavin White

HOOKER: Tina Gropp

AGE: 52

PIMP: Phineas "Milk Money" Walker

NICKNAME: A.T.M.

TASTES LIKE: an old tennis ball at the dog park

Jody a H.S. Counselor from Niles asks:
Do you think birth control pills would be more effective if women took more time to read the directions and then followed them word for word?

SW: Bitch, are you crazy?!? You got any idea what my pimp would do to me if he caught me trying to read?!? Shit, he'd choke me so hard, my tongue stud would pop outta my mouth.

_______________________________________________________

Philip, an engineer from Elkhart asks:
Doesn't it make you sick when pregnant teenagers ignore their responsibilities and continue to live their lives like nothing happened?

SW: What?! Are you gonna tell me my great granddaughter, Diamonique, can't go to a rave just because she's seven months pregnant with twins?!? Shit, as long as she ain't driving, I don't see nothing wrong with it!

________________________________________________________

Rachel, an office manager from South Bend
asks: My boyfriend and I have always been careful, but last month we had a really bad pregnancy scare. What are we doing wrong?

SW: I only got one thing to say to that: There ain't no such thing as "butt babies," honey.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Ok...I admit it. I laughed like crazy over this until it occurred to me that I picked this up at a regular coffee shop. Its free. Any kid can get this magazine.

Now I realize that mostly teens would be the ones grabbing it. I realize they probably make jokes like this between themselves.

I was a bad-ass teen myself once....

Still it somehow bothers me that they can get this type of magazine.

Its like sex....yeah some of them are doing it before they get out of High School. I still don't think they should be able to rent X rated movies.

10 minute time capsule

I have 10 minutes to write.

Today has been hectic. I'm working a lot trying to get my office to run smoothly. Yeah it wasn't in standardized format before...but I'm working on it...working on it.

End of Quarter so there was a lot to do today just in accounting. I also have to create some new forms and a bunch of filing (which I brought home together with several alpha sorters) I measured the stack of paper I have to sort through....nearly a foot high. That is what I will begin in 10 minutes. I'll be working until midnight again....that is after the 10 hours I did today.

I gave Dizzy her bath. She seems much happier now... Baths do not please her though, so she is a little miffed at me...giving me those crazy dirty looks of hers. I prefer her smiles.

The camera seems to have started working again all on its own. I suspect my son got some moisture in the battery casing and now its dried out. Yay! Photos of the DAWG soon. Maybe even a movie.

BF has been truly supportive but I turned down his offer of help tonight (yep he was even willing to wash my dog and help with housework). I worked too late and I knew he had to be in at 7 am. I can't believe I was so unselfish. I really need a hand right now.

I haven't finished my story for the tribune yet. I'm hoping tomorrow. I'll probably post it in Blessed are the Meek since I've already posted a similar story here.

Walter broke up with his GF (that was a sigh of relief you heard). She cheated on him. He's not having much luck with fidelity. What the hell is wrong with kids these days? He's taking it well.

Still bummed about politics.

Ate too much junk food and now my tummy hurts.

::::Sigh::: 10 minutes goes fast.

Later....

Another lazy Monday

I am the procrastination Queen.



I have a messy house.



My dog still needs a bath.



I didn't do any of the work I brought home from work to do.



All this means I am going to have to get up at some ungodly hour.



I wasn't really lazy today though. It has recently come to my attention that I really am 46 years old and I am living like a 36 year old. Yeah ten years makes a difference. I am a single mother of a teen-ager beginning a new career while struggling to have a personal (romantic) life. Yep....some days I am just to friggin old for this!



I find I actually need 6 hours of sleep to function well. 4 hours to function at all. Last night I think I had 3.



Weird political thoughts going through my head (no I am not expounding on them....).



I used up all the synapses I had in reserve today. I actually had to solve problems instead of the rote work that Monday usually involves....which means....tomorrow I have to make up for what I didn't get today and do double duty with whatever comes in the mail to me.....which is a double load because we didn't get mail today.



My dog finally took a liking to her leashed walk....GEEZ....she walked me up the block....she walked me down the block....she walked me up....she walked me down.....then we walked around and around and around the back yard. Then she wanted to play.



I'm goin to bed.........



Lord if Palin shows her plastic face in my dreams tonight....I am gonna bitch slap her!

This and That

I had a new commenter on my blog, like always I checked out her web site.... Miss Alaineus alemanac. Its some hilarious ranting!!! Check it out. I loved her profile too.

I like this new follower thing on blogger. Maybe it isn't new to y'all but I've been MIA for a while so I am just getting started on it. So now I am going to go blog to blog and start adding everyone that way and maybe do away with that sidebar list eventually, especially since aol is giving up the ship.

I've remained appalled all weekend about the deficit. I think I have another editorial coming.

ND lost. I hate when they lose. Its not that I am such a big football follower or fan. I like it, but its not my life. What no one realizes is that when a city like South Bend, is built completely around a College like Notre Dame.... one bad season (like last year's) affects our economy in a dangerous way. People lose jobs, they move or quit spending, then there are less dollars going out and more people lose jobs....etc. etc..... We depend way too much on Notre Dame football around here and the college as a whole. We need to become more like other cities. Develop something more than a tourist trade, like our neighboring city, Elkhart, did with RV manufacturing.

Yeah, I'm starting to become interested in our local political scene.

I think I might have to join some associations or something.

Everywhere I look I remember what it was like when I was growing up here. I remember walking the streets unafraid in the so called worst neighborhoods in the middle of the night.

I remember the school actually working with my parents to help keep me on track.

I don't remember any of the stupid rules they now have in effect to curb the individuality of young people.

I remember active parks and recreation.

I remember the library being a welcoming venue for children.

I remember policemen who knew my name.

Our city tax percentage was not nearly as high as it is now. County tax didnt' exist.

I want to know what happened. Why it happened and What we can do to make it go back to how it was.

One of these days I hope to have grandchildren raised here. I want them to live in my world....not the one that is scaring us all so much now.

Celia has a job. The pay is too low but the opportunities for advancement and more pay are there. I feel bad for young adults these days. When I was her age I was given multiple opportunities to advance within companies. (Mostly I blew them). If I said I could do something that was enough, I didn't need numerous degrees in nose blowing or carpet picking. I was given the chance to prove myself. In addition to Celia's high-school training, she worked with me in the office often. She was taught and did very well at all things administrative. She understands scheduling, purchasing, document preparation, etc. etc... Because of the state of our schools here, no one wants to hire public school graduates for anything where real skill is required. It seems unfair. Her parents could not afford private school so I supplimented her education with my own version of home-school. I brought her to work with me often. I even taught her how to build a computer from scratch. Unfortunately I cannot give her a certificate or degree. She's luckier than some though. She has a job that will finally allow her to prove herself and her abilities. Not all these young adults even get that. I worry a little for my daughter, but not much. Her employers are getting a steal. If they are smart they will realize her value pretty quickly.

I haven't talked with my oldest son this weekend yet. I hope to soon though. He's still a bit of a hermit but he does make time for me when I call him. He's a good son, just kind of a loner.

Walter's love life is a soap opera. I have my misgivings about this girl, though she seems nice enough...I just don't know. She's stirring up his emotions and I worry. I try to give him perspective on it every chance he gives me. I tell him gently that some people break up and never get back together but sometimes over doesn't mean over (my brother married the woman he started dating at 14 years old and they are still together, though high-school found them splitting up a time or two). I don't want him to be crushed if (when) this girl breaks it off. I want him to have some hope until some other girl can help him forget.

The BF has been here most of the weekend. He does my BBQs for me. The guy can sleep in the oddest spots. Last night he fell asleep in the lawn chair while slow grilling the pork shops outside. Cracks me up. I am never able to relax that much. Its impressive. He also programmed the universal remote for the television. I fail to understand why I can't figure out remotes. I can tear apart a regular computer, reload it and make it bionic but a remote control just pisses me off. I don't have that kind of patience.

My dog was brilliant but now she has been having attacks of stupidity. She seems to have forgotten all about being housebroken. I have to shampoo the carpet AGAIN. Not the whole thing but her fave areas. She still has fetch, sit pretty, go lay down and gimme a kiss down so at least she's still cute. I know I shouldn't complain, she is only 4 months old, well not quite, but still.....She's not real bad at chewing things. She mostly sticks to her toys so that is good. She has a toybox that would rival some two-year old babies though. The BF is going to flea treat my yard today. I have to give Dizzy another flea bath already (gave her one a week ago). We flea bombed the house so the things don't live long once she is inside but I can't keep her inside all the time and she gets them whenever we go outside. So here we go again.\

The BF says he likes salisbury steak. We were talking about favorite foods. BUT he has never had real salisbury steak. Only those frozen dinner types. He is in for a treat. I am making salsibury steak tonight. I make it really good too. If I could write a recipe I would give it to y'all. Basically though the trick is you make meatloaf...the kind where you use bread crumbs not the oatmeal or rice types and only use good grade hamburger, like 90% lean (I like to add finely chopped onions and sometimes green pepper, to mine as well). You make them into small hand sized loafs (about 1/4 each) and bake them at 350 for about a half hour or 45 minutes in a large sheet pan (with sides). Then you use the actual pan dripping grease (no this is not low cal....its southern) as your gravy base. You seriously brown (not golden....nope toast it) the flour in this grease in a large heavy skillet and use 1/2 heated milk and 1/2 hot water to liquify it. Use lots of pepper and for goodness sake...don't make it thin. This is hearty food for hearty men. Serve it with lumpy mashed potatoes (nope instant just won't do) and a dark green vegetable. I am also serving sauted portabellos. He's been working hard for me, he's earned those portabellos!

and that is my weekend in review.

My week in review.....ramblings....

I'm not writing as much as I intend to. Hopefully I will be able to get into a daily routine again soon.... You remember, like way back when AOL first opened the blogportals to people like me and many of you...(Rest in peace AOL Journals). Storms Whisper and Oceans Scream was the original title. I just got tired of screaming and made a somewhat gentler version here after all my bitching and moaning about the ads on aol made no difference at all. Sometimes ads have still made an appearance here and there on my site as I tried google adwords (and etc.) but I just wasn't that interested in making a profit on my writing or in writing about subjects that would stir up readership. I have always written to share my heart with others. I write for the love of it. From time to time I have a thought that slips out of my head, or a cause I want to push....but mostly it is about making the world, my world, into a bigger place in a smaller space. More love, more people, no travel.

I keep saying I'm going to quit being so personal....the whole problem is that writing is personal to me.

These are not essays, they are letters. My oversized ego thinks that if St. Paul could have reached out in this way we'd have a book in the bible called Blogosphere, placed ever so diplomatically between II Corinthians and Ephesians....... Full of encouragement in the face of phishing and dire warnings not to get involved in cyber-sex. (side bar into a small wondering....what would Paul have thought of the internet???????........)

Maybe I'm not Paul but I think in my own way, I feel, and I am sure most of you feel, the need to reach out to others nearly as greatly as he did. Maybe we don't have to introduce God into the lives of others....but I kind of think we are here for the purpose of showing that people are still good...at least most of us are. That is important today. In the news all we hear about is corruption, actions that defile humanity and selfish actions.... Here we all take the time to reach out and share ourselves and our normal lives.

So end of that ramble and onto the next one....my normal & sometimes odd life....

This week has kept me wakeful more often than not....averaging about 4 hours of sleep a night. Bringing work home, worrying about various deadlines. There are big changes about to happen where I work and some that already have. Restructuring, rebuilding. I am not worried about job security and feel that the upcoming changes will be good for me. Many of the job descriptions will change and so will our positions. I know that I am going to have some added and removed job responsibilities. I can't say much else in this public forum. I know some of the plan. While I am not happy about every detail, those are not my decisions to make. Overall I think that the hotel is once again going to be 1st choice in the area. Maybe we will even gain a star or two. No one noticed the management watching us, detailing our skills and natural abilities. We are going to fit our newly rewritten job descriptions better than I've ever had in any previous employment.

I remember when our GM first came into the picture. Nobody liked the removal of casual uniforms and appearance. Being told to straighten our posture!!!! Did she think she was our mother? (well more like my big sister, but I work with a lot of young people). Yes, she did. I took a front desk job so I could goof-off. When she came into the picture, she reread all our resumes and applications I guess. I was the first target. OMG. She knew me without knowing me and now I find myself in the back office *handling* stuff. Troubleshooting and organizing. Right now it is technically accounting....but my job reaches much much further and so do my future responsibilities (and my job title is ever-changing too). I still remember her telling me that OK, now I had taken a few months to goof off, it was time to get back to work...and she put me back to work. Several involuntary promotions in the past year later, I find myself trepidatiously looking forward to the next changes she intends to put into play and wondering if I can live up to her high opinion of my skills and intellect. I want to. My lacking education scares the bejesus out of me sometimes though. She hasn't made any major mistakes though and so far, I think she sometimes knows me better than I know me. Wish me luck!

I am still working on organizing (anal---izing) my life into some semblance of order and remembrance. So far every move in that direction seems to improve my quality of life. As a person with autistic tendencies, organization, rules and regulations matter tremendously to me, amazingly enough though, I am messy. It is a constant struggle. I'm getting in the habit again of cleaning like a crazy person at least one day on the weekend and keeping the mess limited throughout the week. Its helping. Things are slowly but surely getting organized. It feels good.

As far as my new BF goes....For those of you with questions.....I don't want to get too wrapped up in the romantic stuff being blasted to the world yet. He's a nicer guy than I sometimes deserve. He has a bad past that he is working hard to rectify. Like I can talk. He spends every weekend with me. He has 3 boys aged 16 to 24. I've been more successful with my kids than he was with his. I didn't have the interference of a new age parent though. The boys are good people though with some of their father's sweetness. My S.O. wishes that he had someone to back him up with the rules though...maybe his boys would have gone further then. Its not too late yet and his youngest is going to Chef School. Youngest should still be in high school, but at least he is doing something to better his chances at success in life. A good Chef can do pretty well too. Back to new BF. We are both alike and different. He is blown away when I think too many deep thoughts. He doesn't *get* computers really. He can use them, but he is a simple guy. To him a computer is like a blow dryer. You don't *play* on it. He doesn't know people he hasn't met. He doesn't quite *get* that either. He fixes stuff. He watches TV. He loves dogs and children. He rides his bike often. He reads voraciously. He is employed by the engineering department where I work. We have lunch together daily. Yes sometimes he takes directives from me, that's our jobs. He doesn't have an attitude about it. I don't single him out. Work is work, life is life. We don't let the two interfere with each other as much as possible. I met him since November. Liked him as a casual friend since December. I started dating him cautiously at the end of June. By July we were only dating each other. I am the first girl he's dated in 12 years, since his divorce. He still lives with his X though, so he can live with his sons and influence them too (xwife dates all the time....all casual...FWB type). I like her but we are night and day I think. Looks, lifestyle and personality. Its a somewhat strained relationship between them but you have to give the couple kudos for thinking of their children's best interests. I have no idea how they ever were together and he'd probably think the same thing about Walter's father. In all the good ways he reminds me a bit of Bo (Rich and Celia's father and my first and longest marriage)....only way way way smarter and classier. He tells a good joke but he isn't obscene. He's far from perfect. He likes tv way too much. Sometimes he is just *too* nice. He isn't the ambitious type at all. But then again....we all know what a pain in the ass I can be too. So lets all just wait and see. The BF isn't a secret but he isn't my whole life.....I'm not going to do that to any man or myself again. Its not fair to either of us. I will write about what is happening sometimes...but not all the time. If anything big happens or our status changes I will probably write about that too.....but for now, things are more than casual but we are still just dating exclusively.

Walter and his gf are going to a dance tonight. He is the grim reaper and she is the dead bride. He gave her an ankle bracelet last week. She wears it all the time. This is his first love. Probably not hers, but she seems nice from what I can see. I pray she doesn't break his heart. She is a beauty! She looks like she could be on a television soap opera as the diva's daughter.... Not that I don't think my son is worthy, but I understand the envious looks his friends are giving him. All I can think is that she is a pretty good person not to let the facts that Walter isn't as popular as she is, as cute as she can get, or rich affect her interest in him. She must like him for who he is and that gives me a certain amount of comfort. She seems to live under similar house rules too. I may not be displaced yet but I don't think I'm the apple of my son's eye any more....LOL

I probably won't write much this weekend....I have work work and housework to catch up on. I'm supposed to finish writing a story for the tribune about my sister's Cherokee Wedding too. I'm going to try and at least call my older children and catch up with them too. The weather here is beautiful....like Indian Summer. Most of all I want to take a little time to enjoy life this weekend with Walter and my S.O.....not to mention my silly dog.

Ya'll have happy days wherever you are....

I'm sooooooooooooooooo ashamed. Still I laughed my ass off when I watched this.

I'm a traitor to my gender....

Maybe I spent too many years working for lawyers.

Writing about how I can't think of anything to write about

I find myself wanting to write. I can't find a whole lot subject-wise. I could rant on and on about office politics which really were ticking me off today. Truth is, I love my job, but not the politics involved. Everybody is worried about my taking their place....I didn't even angle to move up to where I am, but I didn't displace anyone in gaining this position. People who used to love it when I offered a hand are now protectively guarding their space and desperately trying to put obstacles in the path I take to my space. You know how it is. STOOPID. Not worth the rant.

I want to write about my son's new romantic feelings....but I'm too confused by how I feel about how he feels. Torn. Worried and Accepting at the same time.

I want to bounce brilliant ideas and profound thoughts out into the blogosphere and have them come back improved and applicable. I'm brain dead though....and no one seems to do that anymore. I remember when blogging was new.... OMG!!!! Every read was a new adventure. To be one of the lucky one's who had their writing commented on was an honor that gave me thrills beyond belief. How I miss our spirited cyber-conversations... I even miss the flame wars.

I guess I just want to reach out for some reason.

Maybe its the State of America right now.

I've deliberately stayed out of politics this election. People have wondered to me why I was keeping my mouth shut and my fingers still. Don't I have an opinion? Its not that really....I think I'm just being cautious. I was so bewildered by the last election that I am still in psychic recovery.

I can't trust our politicians, my party, or even the American public to make the best decision for the ultimate good of our country. Not after Bush's second win. Our system worked beautifully that election....but the American people failed America.

Sometimes I think we've been so inundated with information from biased sources that we've forgotten how to think for ourselves. Maybe we have just become too lazy. Its not that I think everyone should vote as I do.... I just don't want to hear the stupid reasons why they are voting for who they are. No one is asking the hard questions. I don't think anyone really wants to know the honest answers. Whatever it is, I am too scared to let myself care that much about the rest of the voters. I will just make the best decisions I can and pray. I haven't lost faith in God yet....just the intelligence of my co-Americans. I'm disillusioned.

My writing is sometimes too personal these days. My opinion pieces are few and far between, and often border on safety. Lord I wish I were one of the daring ones again. I wish I could bring myself to write things that I feel everyone is thinking but afraid to say. The emporer is nekkid! Yo! that ain't clothing baby---that is hideous! Even his castle has crumbling walls! Instead I whine and bemoan and keep it personal. I don't want to offend anyone or any entity.

I'm coming way to close to being politically correct. I don't like it.

Help?

Hi Everyone,

Well I was checking up on my kid's internet usage as I do from time to time and I stole some of his videos. 2 of him skateboarding and one of the drama king's woes about his drowned skateboard. Thought you might enjoy them so I am posting them. I almost posted one of him being all appalled but decided against it...he was advocating violence against an 8 year kid *whup hiz azz!* was the exact quote. This from the kid who thinks being grounded for a day is way too harsh. He wouldn't know a real spanking unless it actually hit him. ROFLMAO. I understand why he was appalled though.. the 8-year old kid evidently expressed no remorse after stealing his grandmother's car for a joy ride and nearly striking some pedestrians with it. Still I was kind of appalled by my baby's budding language skills and propensity toward violent retribution. I'll explain to him later that kind of discipline won't work. It was the discipline the 8-year old should have had at 5 years old (as in *no means no*) that the kid missed out on. Then I will probably threaten Walter's youtube account for the language transgression. No doubt he will think I am being incredibly harsh. If he video blogs about me I will upload that too ROFLMAO.

Well here are the videos:

Board slide!!!!!

I forget what this trick is called.... cool though!

He's soooooo serious. Where did that deep voice come from?

I have to go pick him up from the skatepark in a half hour. No videos from tonight... still no working camera.

For those of you who wonder where all my *good writing* has gone, I've been putting most of it in http://blessedarethemeekimgoingtohell.blogspot.com/ for about the last 6 months. Stop by sometime.

Y'all have a great weekend!